Him
My person of choice
The first of his kind
Whom I never had to question
An easy answer to my cries
He holds me like I’ve never ruined lives
Listens to my heart fight with my soul
And still smiles with his eyes
Laughing with me, not at me
He understands my world he’s never experienced
Gripping me tighter, not letting my mind wonder
Reminding me I’m allowed to be loved
To be seen with my burns, scars, and watching pain
I no longer have to endure any wondering
My worth is not mine to dismiss
It has weight and is being treated with tender hands that it’s never felt
Support with a love that actually exists with light
May I never know how he came to me
But he is here, in my life
With the time I’m given
He is here
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 3:01 PM UTC
Splintered into endless pieces
Lost over years, scattered, shattered
Cutting all who pick up anything
Hoping to find what it completes
Left only with blood, now contaminated
With toxic and tainted speckles
Heart broken; too literal
Jan 14, 2025
Jan 14, 2025 at 11:15 PM UTC
Those three words
They feel like they solidify something
The meaning is greater than the phrase
I desire to say it
Every time we hold each others glance
When ours breaths are rhythmic
Fingertips gracefully grazing our outlines
When I breath in your smell
Making my butterflies become ravenous
In the morning when you kiss my forehead
Waking me with a smile, every time
The evenings where you guide me by pulling my hand and holding me close
Nightfall after nightfall, you laugh gently, saying I’m so pretty.
I’ve never been told I’m so pretty this many times
You alone have surpassed every other one combined
With every moment when there’s a silence, I just feel peace and safety
No wonder of how you feel, no hesitation
Not a second of second guessing
You see me and I want to tell you
I see you and I want to tell you
The three words so many say so freely
I’m not afraid of saying it
And I know I will one day soon
But something holds me back as I reflect on every past time I’ve said it
I’m not afraid you won’t say it back
But scared you will, and won’t mean it, as they did before
You’ll smile and not wait before repeating my words, but do you feel the yearning and pull to my soul
As I do to yours
Does your heart ache when I’m not near, as I dread when I’m without you
Will you say it and change your mind in a month
Can you say it and understand why I said it first
Are you waiting to say it too
Are you afraid, as I am
Or do you not feel it yet.
Do you not fear I’ll run away, the moment it falls from your voice.
Do you hold onto it because it’s not your time to release it
Do you fear I’ll say it too soon
Do you not want to say it
Would you like me not to say it
Would you tell me not to say it
If you knew I wanted to tell you right now
Holding your hand, giggling under my blankets
If I said it
Would you say it
Would you mean it
I love you
Sep 2, 2023
Sep 2, 2023 at 8:32 PM UTC
Time is starting to wane on my existance
A drawing line that's losing its ink
The art that's been vibrant and showed my soul
Is dulling and has less of a story to tell
Wishing on stars has less power now
And I understand my cat's nine lives will outlast me
Yet I stay on this orbital plateau
Persisting to exist against the universe's will
A pained gasp of air stays caught \
Releasing it all with my last breath out
Drops of blood flying out as well
I know what will be demise; my own body
Apr 20, 2023
Apr 20, 2023 at 2:28 PM UTC
I’ve never completely understood what I read
With their bodies intertwined
Until I was thinking about us tonight
Your hand in-between my thighs, simply there for my warmth
Our legs folded over one another
Scrambled and comfortably placed
My fingers tangled in your hair
Other hand feeling your heartbeats rhythm
An arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me in closer
Mystically so comfortable in my own skin
Fearless in your atmosphere
You hold me with no hesitations
Equally consenting and absorbing each other’s breaths
Sharing the air warmed by our whispered laughter
A piece I never knew missing was your welcomed beauty and welcomed comfort
Intertwined as one, I get it now
I know when I leave, you’ll be ready for my return
Remembering my every curve that awaits for your remembered touch
Apr 9, 2022
Apr 9, 2022 at 12:28 AM UTC
The cinematics only show what the director wants you to see
I dream of that much control over what people consume of me
Exposed to the highest transparency with no filters
Hiding in plain sight for the audience to judge
Choice by choice, knowing I can't hide the mistakes
Holding in the tears that slip out in between sharp breaths
My smile only fades when I'm alone in my car
Sobs escaping as I reach for end of the film
Waiting for a "The End" to come through the dark screen
It just keeps shifting to a new shade of blue
Another sad story about to unfold to be absorbed
Whoever the director is of my film needs to cut to the credits
No more to be seen
Nothing left
Faded to black
Jan 11, 2022
Jan 11, 2022 at 9:30 PM UTC
I've stopped trying
Not in the way that causes you
to fear that I won't be here in the morning
Rather in the sense that I no longer
constantly strain myself to be someone else
I'd cry myself into naps that brought nightmares
My mind would fade into a fog
I couldn't find my way out of
Staring at a tree that slanted in the field
that became the neighbors new home
Silent screams stayed loud in my head
Bringing migraines I couldn't calm
It wasn't until last month that I realized all the pain
that's followed me, every year, since I left
has been carried along by myself, without wanting
Trying to keep alive the persona
of the perfect daughter
The precious mind of a broken survivor
Trying to make believe that the girl
I introduced you to was real
Trying to manifest my mental illness to no longer exist
Bringing to life a pain worse
than the physical bruises I hid so well
Tried and failed
What's left is who was trying to not drown
Who hid away in fear of rejection
In fear of being smothered in hate again
Rising to the surface
This is my real reflection
I'm telling you now
Stopped trying
Just be
Feb 25, 2021
Feb 25, 2021 at 2:28 AM UTC
I'm never going to apologize
For making you feel better
When you were with me
Than the person you'd lie to
Daily saying I love you, too
When your lips told me at night
The same, against mine, in dim light
I don't regret giving you euphoria
Though you chose them again
I've become comfortable
Being the other one
The shower of true love and lust
Unafraid to embrace my power
A desire that radiates
To those that cant be obtained
I become a magnet
For those that remain unavailable
A curse I carry with me
Each year as I become more aware
Of the power and pain I hold
Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020 at 2:34 PM UTC
There's something 'bout Halloween
That lights a part of my heart
Usually feeling dormant and chilled
Warms a few degrees above
The falling temperature outside
An Autumn fog comes and fills my mind
Early in the morning when I wake
Its the only time of the year
That I remember being happier
Throughout my childhood
Somehow we always had enough to dress up
Wear socks with holes
With poking toes in too small shoes
Running as fast as my faltering lungs could take me
Door by door on the least scary night
At least for me
For my greatest fears, I faced everyday
In my own home where I feared closing my eyes
I go back, "Trick or Treat", I'd repeat
Knowing anything I'm handed is a treat in itself
Never wanting to go back to the darkest house
Even once all light posts turned off
It's still my favorite
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 4:05 PM UTC
The juice falling from a sweet nectarine as lips work hard to catch the drips
Licking up time, enjoying the sweet sweet taste
Something about lips to lips makes it taste all the better
Holding onto everything, not shying away
A dream of pure ecstasy
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 12:44 PM UTC