All these people
All these stressful situations
It’s not my fault that I’m awkward
It’s not my fault I don’t always say funny things,
Have good comebacks.
So why is it that everyone around
Carelessly cast upon me their true opinion?
Maybe a little too true.
Every laugh
And silent whispering
Not so very silent
Ring loudly in my ears, in my heart
It all trails behind me, all my decisions dictated by the preferences of others
Harshly driving me into paranoia,
A cacophony of sorts
Sinking my mind, my soul,
Into a pit of insanity
To the point where I myself join in the slandering
And aspersing of my own being
In order to make it all stop. just for a second.
So I can please all those around
And calm my paranoia down
While shoving my true feelings down my throat.
The only thing getting me through it,
Telling myself it’s not. my. fault.

What am I doing?