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I want to sleep, but I can't.
I've always been told that life is short and that we use a third of it sleeping,
so I make mine longer,

I go days,
hallucinating,
wondering whether or not that hand waving from around the corner was real,
my brother's like to play games,

I hear screams sometimes,
they sound terrible,
suffering that I've never imagined before enters me and my mind,

only after a few days does the suffering come,
only after a few days does it tears me apart,
it's instant,
euphoria floats over me,

I can feel it preparing,
gotta stop it,
can't let a second go to waste,


I sit and twiddle with my fingers,
breath faster,
I try to stay aleart until my next wind,

raaaaaaawrg,
yelling helps sometimes,
not always though,

I didn't have to close my eyes,
it started happening while I was alert,
I didn't even realize it,

the worlds mesh together sometimes with no warning,

jolts go through me,
I can't remember what I was doing,
am I driving?

it's hard,
I can't keep my thoughts focused,
everything wanders,
time slows,

this is the good part,
I start to see the intent that everything has,
I believe I can see into the future,
I see the mistakes I'll make,

It's a game sometimes,
Lets see how long I can go,
my body tires after the first few days,
I keep going,
sometimes weeks pass,

I never remember what's going on,
my speech is rushed,
I twitch,
keep going,
eventually sleep takes over,
it always does.
© 2010 J Ferrer de Pacheco

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