The artichoke
of delicate heart
*****
in its battle-dress, builds
its minimal cupola;
keeps
stark
in its scallop of
scales.
Around it,
demoniac vegetables
bristle their thicknesses,
devise
tendrils and belfries,
the bulb's agitations;
while under the subsoil
the carrot
sleeps sound in its
rusty mustaches.
Runner and filaments
bleach in the vineyards,
whereon rise the vines.
The sedulous cabbage
arranges its petticoats;
oregano
sweetens a world;
and the artichoke
dulcetly there in a gardenplot,
armed for a skirmish,
goes proud
in its pomegranate
burnishes.
Till, on a day,
each by the other,
the artichoke moves
to its dream
of a market place
in the big willow
hoppers:
a battle formation.
Most warlike
of defilades-
with men
in the market stalls,
white shirts
in the soup-greens,
artichoke field marshals,
close-order conclaves,
commands, detonations,
and voices,
a crashing of crate staves.

And
Maria
come
down
with her hamper
to
make trial
of an artichoke:
she reflects, she examines,
she candles them up to the light like an egg,
never flinching;
she bargains,
she tumbles her prize
in a market bag
among shoes and a
cabbage head,
a bottle
of vinegar; is back
in her kitchen.
The artichoke drowns in a ***.

So you have it:
a vegetable, armed,
a profession
(call it an artichoke)
whose end
is millennial.
We taste of that
sweetness,
dismembering scale after scale.
We eat of a halcyon paste:
it is green at the artichoke heart.

A bright light annoys my eyes.    I can’t get away from it- I don’t like it.  
Tired and overwhelmed with obligations and requirements,
I’d rather not complete or even think of-
I’d rather they did not exist.  

What do they prove?  

I am comfortable and lazy.  
I would like to sleep, but the smallest agitations are an unbearable annoyance.  
Obnoxious voices speaking a tongue I don’t know, laughing at my condition-
I’d rather be asleep-
quiet and asleep.  

I want a cigarette.  I hate cigarettes.  
I don’t hate cigarettes; I rather like them, especially with coffee,
but I hate how they manipulate me.  
I want one, but I’d rather sleep.  
I wish I could smoke in bed.  
I should have showered before bed.

Self-confidence comes and goes.  
Sometimes I don’t care what people think; other times it’s all I think about.  
It’s judgmental; it’s worry of acceptance, worry of not belonging, worry of standing out.  
People- including me- want to be individuals, but are not brave enough.  
Society does not accept true individuals, it kills them.  
How can I be unique or allow true self to be and true identity to exist when there is fear?

When I see her, I wonder what might have been.  
There was a connection, or maybe just an attraction.  
We lead different lives.  
She is pure and good in the church sense; I am pure and good in my own way.  
But, these two lifestyles could never intertwine.  
I must admire what she is from a far.  
I should not dwell on it too much because it is unfair to the present.  
We always want to know.  
We want to know the future, but I will get there at my own pace.

Lying in bed, I don’t remember most days.  
I only remember lying in bed the prior night, trying to remember the previous day.  
Sometimes I hate my body- not enough muscle, skinny legs, blah hair.  
Against society's standards I am mediocre.  
They know what a man should look like; I am not him.  
We are all not the portrayed he or she.  
Those people only exist on screens.  

This is the last place I want to be.  
Stuck in a class I couldn’t give a **** about,
listening to a Professor I can’t understand drone on and on in his sing-song,
marbled-mouth accent.  
Occasionally trying my patience with a drawn out, “You noh wah I main?”  
No.
I don’t know what you mean.  
I can’t understand what’s coming out of your mouth.

Apparently, the only way to be a good teacher is to jump through hoops and
dance for the cloudy heads of a department.  
If I play their games, I will have blisters on my lips from having to kiss too much ***.  
I do not need to be validated, approved, passed, accepted, or liked by them to be a good teacher.  
I know I will be a good teacher- they have no influence on that.  
They only have the ability to stall me and help steal my money.

The worst is when the pain sinks into your eyes, dull and deep.  
The pressure tunnels around your temples and tries to bore a whole through your forehead.  
Six Advil cover up the pain- only for an hour.  
Everything within your skull pushes out like a balloon on the brink of bursting.

The worst is the restless anxiety experienced lying in bed right before sleep.  
It is the empty churning of stomach, half shots of adrenaline that tickle your veins,
while the mind races like prey trying to evade predatory jaws.  
Your heart flits, skips, and stops,
as your mind obsesses about the seemingly infinite list of things you have to get done.  
That only adds to the stress- since you’re not sleeping, something could be accomplished.  
The worry heightens, the obsession increases until- sleep.

An instant of eye contact can be rare and intriguing.  
Instants too small to have time, can convey so much.  
Eye line meets eyes, eyes lock- message of vast information conveyed.  
A minute moment, an insignificant second, so monumental.  
This blip exchange ignites an internal fire of emotion or ruins your day.  
The messages that can be exchanged in the smallest,
feasible time frame are vastly unique to each experience.  
Polar and extreme: Love me - I nothing you.  
Eye contact conveys an incredible amount of information, but perhaps to be keen to it-
is to be vulnerable.  

What if it were acceptable to give into every desire or want?  
What would the world be?  
Would it be that much different or would the internal, human morale still enforce invisible boundaries?  
What would we do?  
Would the private become public?  
Would others see our lowest animal drive?  
Humans are the only being capable of acting above or below their nature.  
Rough.
Raw.  
Human animals.

It is ironic when something is built up to high expectations, but turns out anticlimactic.  
Was that it?  
That is what we waited for?  
When something does not meet expectations, it creates hollowness, an emptiness, or unfilled hole.
  
What do you do?  
What can you do?  
You can learn from it or you can let it bring you down.  
It is better to look for the positives
than dwell on and become disheartened by the negatives.  
Learn and Grow.

I am a poor student.  
I have been loaned money I will never be able to pay back.  
I am paying for a degree, to get a job that will never return the favor.  
I am strangling myself financially for a “higher education”, but am I getting it?  
Perhaps it is not the institution’s fault; perhaps, it’s my own?  

so much depends
upon

a green dollar
bill

glazed with American
greed

beside the fabricated
dream

I am poor and will be poor, but I will be happy.  
Everything costs.  Everything has a price.  Life is expensive.  
How can I save?  What can I afford to put away?  
When forty dollars in your bank account is a pleasant surprise-
surprises are cheap.

Thank Heaven! the crisis—
  The danger is past,
And the lingering illness
  Is over at last—
And the fever called “Living”
  Is conquered at last.

Sadly, I know,
  I am shorn of my strength,
And no muscle I move
  As I lie at full length—
But no matter!—I feel
  I am better at length.

And I rest so composedly,
  Now in my bed,
That any beholder
  Might fancy me dead—
Might start at beholding me
  Thinking me dead.

The moaning and groaning,
  The sighing and sobbing,
Are quieted now,
  With that horrible throbbing
At heart:—ah, that horrible,
  Horrible throbbing!

The sickness—the nausea—
  The pitiless pain—
Have ceased, with the fever
  That maddened my brain—
With the fever called “Living”
  That burned in my brain.

And oh! of all tortures
  That torture the worst
Has abated—the terrible
  Torture of thirst,
For the naphthaline river
  Of Passion accurst:—
I have drank of a water
  That quenches all thirst:—

Of a water that flows,
  With a lullaby sound,
From a spring but a very few
  Feet under ground—
From a cavern not very far
  Down under ground.

And ah! let it never
  Be foolishly said
That my room it is gloomy
  And narrow my bed—
For man never slept
  In a different bed;
And, to sleep, you must slumber
  In just such a bed.

My tantalized spirit
  Here blandly reposes,
Forgetting, or never
  Regretting its roses—
Its old agitations
  Of myrtles and roses:

For now, while so quietly
  Lying, it fancies
A holier odor
  About it, of pansies—
A rosemary odor,
  Commingled with pansies—
With rue and the beautiful
  Puritan pansies.

And so it lies happily,
  Bathing in many
A dream of the truth
  And the beauty of Annie—
Drowned in a bath
  Of the tresses of Annie.

She tenderly kissed me,
  She fondly caressed,
And then I fell gently
  To sleep on her breast—
Deeply to sleep
  From the heaven of her breast.

When the light was extinguished,
  She covered me warm,
And she prayed to the angels
  To keep me from harm—
To the queen of the angels
  To shield me from harm.

And I lie so composedly,
  Now in my bed
(Knowing her love)
  That you fancy me dead—
And I rest so contentedly,
  Now in my bed,
(With her love at my breast)
  That you fancy me dead—
That you shudder to look at me.
  Thinking me dead.

But my heart it is brighter
  Than all of the many
Stars in the sky,
  For it sparkles with Annie—
It glows with the light
  Of the love of my Annie—
With the thought of the light
  Of the eyes of my Annie.

Shifting vistas
Freeing shackles

Playing it smart
Making it casual

Averting agitations
Eluding expectations

The finest tool to fight disillusionment
The smartest step to shun disenchantment

An act of precocity
An art of rationality

Avoidance.

GLUTTONY


Go ahead and gorge yourself upon gallons of gaudy garments,
Gaining more weight got by galling garish goods I guess won’t
Ground

Let loose to the luscious luxuries of lackluster lemon and
Lots of lulling bedtime letters that will surely let at bay the
Ladies

Unravel your unctuous mind and unwrap the unstoppable urge
That undeniably lives under unruly layers of
Unproductive

Together bring the talk of taking another tackle to your taciturn tally,
Taller the score and take down the tormenting tickling
Tack

Over and over in obscure ovals until objective becomes apparent
Only leaving orbs of former obliqueness’ obliging to
Object

Never again nourish the need to negate the null to nonsense,
Leave behind the knots of then and live the neat of
Now

Yesterday was yellow in yielding to yearning and
Today is your yet to the question of no or
Yes











GREED



Gradualy every great thing grounded in your gaudy life will grain,
Falling from grander to
Greed

Run away you realize will render you ridiculously reeled
Be the regal recall of natures
Ranting

Even then elude the everlasting elasticity of your sins
Only to elect your own faults and
edict

Evermore entrapped in the entity of your greed which eels
Its way through your
Etiquettes

****** to depths of hell’s dungeons you will go down
If you never fix your
Deeds.







WRATH



Wound so tightly your will won’t save you when the
Day weans of light to
Wear

Repent all you require if you really must, no reprise
Will be your
Reward

Again and again you’ve all but alleged all of your agitations
And now do you
Abject

Too many you take to the top and through to the terrible
Tale of
Tartaras

How do you have your hallowed hot-headed hate now
Had by all you
hocked







SLOTH



Silently slithering fangs strike and pierce into your supple skin
The serpent of Hades himself forcing you to succumb to
your sloth

Legs let leave your longing to linger standing
The lull of the luscious leisure of laziness
Calling you

Over and over you omit the need to oblige
Object the obscurities and overcompensate the
obligation

Though it takes away tell of your toes, stunning your talk
Teathering you to a tree and leaving you to the
terrors

However hollow the halo, the hearth of hasty hearts, may be,
you cannot halt it before is has you in its hold
sleep








LUST


Linger in line a little longer until your litenous lust
lessens to lethargic
larceny

Undone and unset you undermind your unity
and uncite all uncertainty, understand to this
ulcer

Slung across a slat singing sultry in your stipple,
you slew to sound off your
sanity

Taught thoughtless logic tenderly apply topical treatment
to tape together the tatters, tonight a temporary
Tylenol








ENVY



Eject and exact illusions of elected goals eluding your reason
So eject them for
Ever

Never return, never negate the negligence of this nuisance,
Need it
Not

Vanquish your venomous vicarious visions so vivid
I assure you not very
Vivid

Yearn no more and yearn by years how yellow
Can yell the
Yetti








PRIDE



Perniciously palpable pigs of pride that so prate way their progress,
Putting all but prosperity in their own
Propensity

Ridiculously cold rendering the most righteous of realist,
Even relenting to the racketeering of a
Rider

I too see an iota of insolence in intemperate impostors
Of what internal instances tell us is
Intimidating

Down the street dally a day and discover how detrimental
Such a disease dilutes the delineation of our past
Delegation

Even if one ever eludes the elasticizes of this eccentric extortionist
Eventually another will emit it upon to you again
entirely

The particular clinical word "psychotic" is commonly helpful to reference one who proceeded to go upset and also insane. This psychotic state will be described as your dysfunction involving opinion or maybe smell issues that aren't in reality generally there (hallucinations); as well as disturbance involving contemplating and also having philosophy that aren't according to fact (delusions). Psychotic men and women also have challenges within believing evidently (disordered considering), and also have minimized power to realize when anything is inappropriate using actions and thoughts (deficit of knowledge). Psychosis is usually a injury in which a man or woman possesses shed touching by using simple fact which results in a good handicap involving view. In the words of psychology, psychosis may be known as much more like a symptoms instead of a condition for the reason that analysis will be based upon a statement of a list of symptoms and never around the identity with the cause of the particular subconscious problem. Good Commence involving Intellectual Overall health, chances are you'll exhibit quite a few abnormal habits while in pre-psychotic period which may incorporate: ?Perceptual agitations including inner thoughts which factors about have evolved;

?Disposition trouble such as anxiety, major depression, moodiness, depression along with fury;

?Mental trouble like very poor awareness plus awareness, issues in pondering, suspiciousness, and strange values; and

?Behavioral disturbances which include difference in slumber and also desire for foods behaviour, societal revulsion, diminished involvement in issues, decline with job as well as school working.

Some people may perhaps most likely think of these kinds of disturbing manners since the signs of worry specifically variations tend to be regarding several nerve-racking everyday living occasions. People may perhaps think about these folks as being the an opposing side of the human being style. In most societies, intellectual as well as emotive ailment is owned by supernatural causes rather then about the existence of ****** as well as psychological troubles. You need to have a personal comprehension of these kind of disorders to figure out the aid trying to find habits. Occasionally, for even individuals that believe that it could be described as a mind health, the particular preconception regarding searching for psychological enable might stop these individuals through asking a new professional. Not surprising, it will take such a long time prior to any person makes the decision to search for specialist help. With psychiatry, there are a selection regarding diseases that come within the general subject of your psychosis. They each reveal unique symptoms however all have perhaps the most common denominator: the psychotic individual is no more in contact with certainty. A few of the signs and also manifestations on the psychosis involve:

?Schizophrenia ?******-Affective Condition ?Manic-Depression (Bpd) ?Mania ?Delusional (Weird) Issues ?Psychotic Despression symptoms

Commonly, your family or man or woman involved in the beginning seek the guidance of general practitioners plus consultants regarding the sufferer's difference in conduct as well as incapacity to usually be somebody. It really is very important that you've a higher directory connected with mistrust so as to acquire instances of attainable psychosis. Additionally it is a must to refer these people first for you to medical professionals for even more evaluation as well as treatment. It's been handed down in the event the person that is definitely demonstrating pre-psychotic signs and symptoms provides the adhering to risk factors:

http://www.passwordmanagers.net/products/Windows-Password-Recovery-Software-1.html Windows Password Recovery Software

It was a link like the one between bonds ,
Irreplaceable and impeccable.
Bestfriends , what they said they were.
When together , they gained a definite optimum.
Fancied by the crowd ,
But deep down pitied by all.
Hearts pumped with the same rhythms ,
The same hesitancy and same agitations.
Bestfriends , what they said they were .
A bit drowsy , a bit shattered
What to consider next ,
Was her only possible quest.
But sooner or later ,
She will perceive the certainty ,
That it was no more than a witless sanction ,
Bestfriends what they said they were.

choc bulimic in Edinburgh; the Welsh index and ******* tactic,
that way a dozen models were ******* out to mind an economy.

the next cards you'll pull from the packet
are all jokers - i.e. wild-cards -
western society begot laziness
that begot psychiatry that begot
war on terror - that somehow begot
war on terror, that didn't begot
philosophy, but it did begot crosswords -
as a Frau will testify, aged 91,
prompted-by-excuse-by-her-age:
doing the pensioner's bit: a Koepcke (1928 - 1977)
(i bet you wish it was K'oh eh pck'e'; ya?!
oder Andreas Köpke? nicht wie?),
VANDAL GRAND-GRANNY COMPLETES
A CROSSWORD - a thousand chandeliers
with a a hundred grand pianos crashed with Newton's
apple that day - the day was advertised state memorandum -
Hanzel and Gretyl came along for the sweets parade
expecting salutes in Swedish - contra beetroot -
some said agitations from the blues, some said
agitations from the beets - or so rooted -
agriculturally purple blooded, minor urban dwellers
sniffed out the cabbage-heads -
major urban dwellers sniffed their own **** out -
beginning with St. Petersburg and Cairo -
contra former violence? *sprechen zungefeinde,
zumal falschsprechen.

When it is paramount to notice the drifting difference in the rolling motions of inter waving play, sway, reflection, aggression, submission, stated and grated and even for some hated notions that rise and fall in elegant natural processions and utter earth shattering confessions to the silent parts of our deepest souls.

All to save a settled seas difference to be in the core of those who care to stand on those dangerously wild and mine riddled shores just to hold out ones hand and make the final stand while whistling to the blinded battle scared of souls found of no true home.

A home to be sounded and declared and decorated in the hearts of few, and the depths of the souls saved by ways and means , far meaner than the average clutching to slipping discontents, yet these, few, wild, born to scold the desperate hatefill hollows shadowed in lies of fear and the deep pitch, we, we few, we will walk out of the horrors of your nights and days so riddled with the words and deeds the waving beguilements and entitlements, to raise and be counted as true ink stains in the book of whales hearts that sing the lifes names listed and to be know far after the assundered thunder of the timidly frail fail to send the lightening to their created timeless hell.

Fairly and well sprung I say, you have broken what you know not of and few will attain the right and grace of the fortitude and true pride of the lions roaming stone so diamond in the rough , so to be called out , uttered from the mouths of men who stood when they say, "This Soul Is Enough, So shall I Believe it to be in my heart they remain forever and always in my heart and a true, true part of the living God. " few, few, few shall ever hear their names called out, without a doubt.

To fail to see the depth of the walking dance and truth of the agitations advanced line to see the right and the way free, free of the bonds placed by error and mistakes of others horrors and fears they be, then you my deerhearted have little time, yet timeless is my love and prayer for you to find the importance of the gift so many seem to fail to see.

But isn't that just as a parable be?

But isn't that how strange and twisted the vine and the way out seemed only to be as straight line shot to the heart, your to blame you gave love a bad name, and thus, may you finally see, what you have done to me, that i can only pray that your heart be true enough for you to not loose your way.

and so I say, fairly, deerhearted and not, good day, indeed good day, hope we all, or few can find our way, and not be so quick to break the beautiful things along the way.

for I may never show what is fleeting in motion and moment again.

Much Love to those whom know who they are, as for the rest, I pray we have not all failed and doomed it from the start, for hell is a creation not of the heart, but of all that eatith of it and tears it apart.

May your heart be that of a feather. laugh now alligator.

( copy enter in address by typing "h" the ctrl +v and enter)

Scar Tissue Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvAn8PzM-c8

The Offspring - Come Out and Play Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWH85xlhZbI

The Offspring - The Kids Aren't Alright (Lyrics)
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjgAu3GpGI0

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Soul to Squeeze with lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYkVHFP53Do

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell Me Baby (Lyrics)
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWyblTqAwp0

Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden (Lyrics)
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwNat96NkF8


Nirvana Lithium-Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHZ9jh7IhkU



Niravna-All Apologies (lyrics)
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbXo3DYjqLo


pearl jam - oceans with lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEnogJZT_vM

Bob Seger - Beautiful Loser Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U86kmChYxoY


Bob Seger - If I Were A Carpenter
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESCdgp9uP00

Bob Seager Understanding
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIg23SdcTPc

Bob Seger - Travelin' Man Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwCZ9wRo0YM

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4jSt0ne1ck


"Higher Ground" - Red Hot Chili Peppers Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5EQTlynTqs


Kid Rock- Lonely Road Of Faith
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHy1yVlq2C8

kid rock only god knows why lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl5N48kt56k

Ride On AC/DC Lyrics
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugwlIQ8K4Vs

Race-baiting covers for agit-prop agents
splitting white hairs in their dark distress;
with name-calling, bullying, lunch money payments
and shifting the blame for their people’s mess.

Reparations are due for your boring screed
that you scrawled at the helm of the Black Star Liner.
You owe it to those who were forced to read
your obtuse agitations (you Afro-whiner).

Poisonous shout-outs to fallen comrades:
holy Saint Michael in reaper’s hood—
endless blathering racial tirades
poor comrade—your dreams are misunderstood.

You’re obsessed with injustice. That’s nothing new.
You’re a David anointed to overthrow Saul—
(as long as he’s white and less rabid than you,
oh prophet and scribe of the activist call…)

Stay mad at the system. Revile all your foes
with raving, with preaching, with bitter bad words.
Insult all your enemies; list all your woes
as you document stink on your turds.

The only ship in the angle of my vision
seems to be still, as if cleverly painted above
the placid waves, that reject all agitations
near the shore I stand, a conspiracy perhaps!

No way I can tell if the ship moves away
or impatiently steers towards the port's embrace;
perhaps  in keeping my spirit to espouse ambiguity.

Just a morning jogger from a planet far,
I am nobody to judge, still I am curious-
that vessel with an  uncertain, navigational plan,
Isn't it me?Am I reaching anywhere, tell me.

I can see, none seems to expect it to come in
or go away and hide itself as a dot in distant horizon,
none who did bid it farewell, too is not to be seen.
Where have all gone, leaving no clue behind,
making it difficult for  one to create dreams.
How  so quickly time did erase all evidences,
which rendered goings and comings insignificant!

Is that static state, an illusion, a metaphor for life?
None is here to answer such questions as the world
has gone too far from there, to a space uncertain.

The port is busy as usual, any day it could be.
I wait for something to happen, will the ship
come to life astonishing me and move again?
I listen, the wind that blows from far horizon,
tells salty tales, tries in vain, again and again,
to recite the fish songs from deep sea blue down.

From where I stand, I understand. What it feels like to feel something but not knowing what it is. It's just a feeling, but yet so compelling. It's somewhat disturbing, but I crave for this feeling.
This feeling is like a bird. It's there, perched on your mind, beautifully. The second you walked, closer, it flew away, and you don't get to choose your next meeting. It chooses you. So, you sat there, waiting. And waiting.

Each mind has its own method.
You go to be teachers,
to become physicians, lawyers, divines.
Statesmen, naturalists, philanthropists.
I hope, some of you, to be the men of letters,
Those whose minds have not been subdued
by the drill of school education.
How wearisome the grammarian,
the phrenologist, the political or religious fanatic,
or indeed any possessed mortal.
The fears and agitations of men who watch the markets,
the crops, the plenty or scarcity of money,
or other superficial events, are not for him.
I wish him to live by his strength, not by his weakness.
Our people have this fear to offend,
do not wish to be misunderstood.
Do not wish, of all things, to be in the minority.
Rely on yourself.
Every thought is a prison.
The rare gift of poetry already sparkles, and may yet burn.
The world has a million writers,
But the constructive powers are rare,
it is given to few men to be poets.
The writer restores.
Speak, whether there be any who understand it or not.

don't harangue my life with care for pity at woman's idiocy, not having adopted Caesarian birth as universally adequate and prospering her, to instil this barbaric guilt in me wondering why women, of all mammals had no natural anaesthetic produced when giving birth... **** your little guilt-trip argument! Caesarian or no argument!*

to be robbed of a glorious death, and be given an
inglorious birth, esp. when women were given an ease
with a Caesarian birth diplomacy... what's there to retain for man?
ardency in labour? old age? i too was robbed of what
Caesar described as the ideal death: the sudden one...
am i to wait for my sickbed...
if i only chanced the thrill of life
within one sunset and sought no night
to encompass my life as worthy compensation
of nothing.
a life lived to the bell-tone of a replaced
uvula, no care for charity asserted...
in that one momentary exception of all life prior,
to have lived it, and hence entombed,
readied for the element acquiring me to
further its signature... as sustainable...
i'd rather die a painful death that live
a comfortable life: pain is eased with its short-lived
establishing awareness when the glory prior is "prolonged"
ascribed to the fates akin to Achilles... and indeed pain is
merely pain with its prolonging on the sickbed...
counter heroism, so defeatist;
how many times am i to be robbed? to thus experience
such shallows of thieves with cheap constantly
expedient thievery? i've had enough to concede to a juggle
of fates and fortunes! one smooth stroke of the ace
rather than the many axe-hackings of the neck
of ****** Mary. bothersome agitations via pride, honour
and braveness, only if they do not happen,
and should they, they'd be undertaken, but to no quest
of celebratory non-enactment, i.e.: farting rather than *******
prior: to be given a wave of the standard acupuncture
of infantry: as guarantee of mythology; and a nobleman
on his horse without a stirrup prior to the *** intervention.

Oh old sport,
it crumbles around me.
The lights have dimmed
to a feeble moan,
my reveries like shirts
idly blowing in the air,
head heavy as morphine.

I feel my heart throb
like a defective clock
as cool fall rain slithers
down the windows.
Every set of eyes
has turned away;
now sad spheres
that gaze elsewhere.

Her voice was my wild tonic,
her figure an enchanting breeze.
We’d unravel as hanks of wool,
kisses that would leave
a tingle on our lips.
There are no pills for what is now.
Past moments entombed
behind frosted glass.
Agitations that turn me
into a sugar-rushed flea.  

Look now Jay.
The water an awful, inky blue,
the pool a somnolent cavity.
I wish to fix it,
to slot the pieces into place,
the seconds flitting by
as if ash in the wind.
A pinprick of green
glimmers in the distance.

Old sport,
I swear I hear my bones cry.

(i) pre-scriptum: anchor posit

it would be all-too obvious that i'm going to begin with writing about nonsensical subjects... bowel movements... what's not to laugh about... a warm-up standing before a firing-squad metaphor... not my last words: how they don't tend to bury people with epitaph these days... in manus dei... which is hardly an epitaph... definition of epitaph: a transcendence of maxim... the... maxim... the sigma of all the incremental parts that once held the man as subject of life...

...i cycled into central London to do no more than:
**** myself off...
all those lives i'm not part of...
without a drop of bitterness:
i guess i can only be glad...
somewhere in South London past
Waterloo station nearing the Shard
i came across... a mythological blonde...
yoga-pants... *****-esque...
couldn't tell the traffic from a horserace...
she had that expression
on her face that read:
i've been to a few ******* parties...
all holes properly used...
come to think of it: i'm only
there to be ******: not there to do some
return policies...
so a timid deer...
point made when i noticed three-guys
ogling her up...
eyes turned to lap-dancing tongues...
point proven...
well... it's South London... even if's still
teasing the scent of the Thames...
it's a lot different over the river...
so i "debated" myself
on the point...
   CS4 is worse than CS3...
oh most assuredly...
CS4 is congested...
too many pit-stops...
i promised myself that i would never
again cycle into central London
via little Bangladesh that begins
in Ilford and ends at Aldgate...
that's CS4...
CS3 though? oh that's another barrel of
laughs... begins in Barking...
although it could begin in Rainham...
and ends at... don't know... to be honest...
i must have taken a CR13 from tower bridge
through to Waterloo station...
but... it's the proper underbelly of the city...
near the docks come Canary Wharf...
as i promised myself i would never
again cycle into a heavily urban scenario
being the tourist of faces and all manner
of the locals' mannerisms:
i said to myself... Essex county is open...
the trees the diluted traffic... all that fresh air...
but not exactly Belgium: flat...
such contemplations when you find
a pseudo-Nirvana of the third take of
emptying yourself into the throne-of-thrones
because... you put a quasi-hibernation
plug in your ******* for the day
and now the bowels strike back with
a build-up to a crescendo of: unplugging...
the usual suspect of bits & bobs...
  that allows you to suppose you've
been emptied but... ooh... oh...
the crescendo proper...
                      custard pie... of ****...
thank god for all the stealth work...
the pipes... the sewage treatment plants...

(ii) change of focus

i always had an invitation toward a monk's life...
ever since visiting Taizé...
the Teutonic Order had a brothel in their
monks' citadel at Marienburg...
a break from a 4 year dry run...
perhaps the end of a year of grief having
buried a friend of mine:
fishing, cycling / reading buddy...
someone to watch the Vierschanzentournee
come Christmas and New Year...
someone to listen to on a dementia loop
as if: no... the memory bank wasn't broken...
it was on a repeat that
asked the question:
is this a drowning man...
               clinging to a razor?
once old ages enter the fore...

it was all pristine in my head: i almost chuckled...
now coming to the canvas i can see it's going
to be a hard-won effort:
mini-digressions is my best attempt
to keep this afloat... even though it's sinking
like a hard-earned stone of mass...

sometimes drinking has a taste.... esp. in the variation
of kalimotxo... with a red Marlboro:
like it's the taste synonymous with a
first kiss... both of you are slobbering teenager
all to ready to precursor either *******
of glugging down oysters / eating fleshy
flowers... tongues to eager...
an ode to the mosquito legion owner/ vampire goat...

(iii) words come across as shortcomings
  
i don't have enough patronage money to begin
painting... a photograph will have to do...
i remember this room, this same brothel...
there were two mirrors on the wall...
i'll bring her a copy of my book of poetry
and i'll ask her if i can take a photograph
of her face... for the love of Rousseau's
heart for a god... beside the argument: i need to photograph
her in a variation of the antithesis of the self-portrait...
i'm already saving up for the hour...
perhaps she will say no...
but i don't want a ****...
nor a picture of my phallus in her mouth...
i need contortions using the two mirrors...
words have become the weapons of gods
and gagging orders of men...
Khadaj'ah...
              something has to arrive sooner:
i'm breathtakingly agonised by my own: coils...

cauliflower - ALUMINITE - alias
of brain tissue folds...
           Al₂(SO₄)(OH)₄ . 7H₂O...
well... if it isn't me looking at paintings...
or naked bodies of prostitutes...
it's me looking at minerals
and their chemical formulas...

all that's quartz SiO₂...
most notably the amethyst... iron stained quartz...
jasper... petrified wood quartz...
onyx quartz... agate...

or... VANADINITE
   Pb₅(VO₄)₃Cl....

now... if i were drinking a second bottle of wine
to calm the already frantic nerves
at the prospect of the next encounter
all school-boyish...
and owned a dog... he might bark at me...
a feline presence is more welcome:
joke of my curing insomnia and "insomnia"
with this here wine...
fern of a creature... always disappears
into the dream world...
who asks for a leash or a muzzle
or walkers in the presence of a cat:
a time least spent: certainly not wasted:
that cats decided to sleep more than
actually waste their time with being:
conscious...
not somehow a waste of time:
like the waste of time modern man has
become: seeking refuge in "reverse-psychology":
duped by the undercurrent of
the crucifix of the subconscious...

the holy Freudian trinity... the sacred secular
trinity of the: consciousness:
the son... subconscious: the holy spirit...
the collectively shackled premature
*******... pre-suppositional heap of dung...
the father: shackled... proper:
in the unconscious...
if asked: about time to raise the father:
to unearth him... "him": who is my father?
shy-titan... you already know the score...

it excites me more and more with the prospect
of writing these words
and coming back with a photograph of the
*******...
dizzying heights of the grave of gravity
in that's how my body: hollows out
futures... and tendencies of a list of todays...
if only i had enough and of having enough
i would become bored:
perhaps i could become an ageing lecher...
but since i'm gagging for the least:
of the last... i'll be keeping up the spirit of mute:
sometimes teasing onomatopoeias during
*******... i want to take a selfie of
her using at least two mirrors...

i want to take two photographs...
my mind is burning from the mere thought...
clear the fog...
thank god no genetic details of mine
will be passed on...
i couldn't shackle myself to the responsibility
of children...
call it immature:
a delinquency... i will call it what it has been
for almost... "forever"...
share my responsibility in the coming
onslaught...
           if i'm feeling it... what's to suppose there's
no build-up of a greater tide...

i've made satire of the "diet"...
fuckless for years...
but come the opportune moment when i wake
up and take to a feeding:
i find her...
       juiced up from the cradle of my
unsatisfied longing...
can a woman tell a man hasn't touched
his antonym in so long
as to also not have: some... pillow-talk ref.
to combat that carnal Kandinsky-build up moment?

wine! wine! more wine!
words are staggering when picture would
better suffice to encapsulate these sensations...
for those that have had enough:
retreat into kink... gimp suits and all that's latex...
for those that haven't had enough:
retreat into mirrors...
    revising slits of katakana-niqab rereading...
some depeche mode doesn't hinder...
and one: either...

        oh sure: reimagine...
it's a feverish writing of a man who desires all that
might invoke the zenith of a shared
patience with each other:
for the worth of an hour's worth...
after the hour's done...
there's no companionship...
there are no shared stories...
we return to the shadow: we return to the grave...
the foetus is cut from the womb
from the umbilical chord...
the hour's enough...

i return to my: steinherz...
she returns to her: dachboden-frivolfotze-eskapaden...
i'm glad other people can:
cut-the-mustard... and... reproduce...
if i don't die by my own hands
aiming at the pulse...
alone in a hospital ward eyeing up nurse
with one of these octopi purely pupil eyes
of rage... i never...
it will be a private affair:
no one will interrupt the world
of people having their conversations:
i'll keep in mind the congregation
of crows:
i'll keep the crow forever in my mind...

(iv) body needs to be under 5K

can you believe me that i acknowledge all that you have written with... how can i escape verbiage...  oh wait... i was hoping your wouldn't spiral out of control with a bunch of defence mechanisms: easily-offended etc. you are... a breath of fresh air... truly... comparison? even though you sent me your picture... it's in the back of my mind... i don't remember it: i'm still focused on the avatar you presented... and... oddly enough: you are starting to resemble Harley Quinn... sipping that espresso while reading a romance novel while the whole world around her: is ablaze... let's forget the the buzzwords i picked up... they're not important... they're not important if we have allowed ourselves to synchronise ourselves on other points of interest... i can be excused leaving some time between reply, though, no? you still are a pen-pal who's sharing her passion for teaching... it's never personal... it might become personal if i pressure you with imitating my punctuation, or, for that matter: some grammatical idiosyncrasy... the red roses: roses are red... n'ah... bad example... not off the top of my head (scalp included) to make a point... i agree... we're two people toying with imitation ping-pong... next subject matter... ah... oh... casual ***... paid for or... somehow... spontaneously... given?  i already have an answer in my head: from experience... i was reading the sunday times magazine last weekend... dating apps... i know they came about circa 2012... apparently there was this great revolution of people seeking & finding casual ***... i was still into my psychotic trip without the use of hallucinogenic juice... "fear of god"? ha ha... i've just heard that dating apps were a breakthrough in how people made themselves available... casual ***... me visiting a brothel probably itches the thought: where *** is so freely available... but there's someone out there... still willing to use cables... when everyone else is using wireless WIFI... notably for headphones... i still buy vinyl and CD to "translate" the music to MP3... you're asking what casual *** is: akin to? you want me to describe what it feels like? it probably feels like any form of intimacy that one subscribes to within the "confines" (parameters) of long-term relationship expectations... although more concentrated... esp. if you haven't had a chance to be intimate with someone... my last diet lasted for 4 years... extended by a year since i was grieving for my grandfather's death... i was grooming my pet cat and she... decided to agitate me... not cognitively: primordially: therefore sexually... i'm not into this whole trans-sexuality... but what i was agitated by was a trans-species probe... i had to find resolve and exercise against a canvas of a woman... "against": to match-up to... to compliment... i found that in order to have casual ***: one must be unusually restrained for the whole affair to become: passable: casual... you can't bring your firsty laundry... your most inhibited frailty to the fore... a most assured contraint is to never invoke words during *******... at best: vowels... with a pinch of consonant: i call it the vowel-catcher "principle": what could be shouted as A... becomes a softly oozed out Ah from mouth to mouth... you chose the subject matter: blah! politics... whatever faction we supposedly belong to: there's always that citizen of the world: the universal man nibble... isn't there? would you want me to tell you what you might be missing in the arena of casual ***? i couldn't tell you... since i haven't used any of the modern short-cuts of the hook-up culture "dating" bonanza... i'm an outdated model when it comes to ***... if it happens... casually... proper... once or twice... there was this... no... i won't go into the details... it was my birthday and i mixed her a decent cocktail and.... well... the pistons... the grease.. whatever metphor you like... then there was this Thai-surprise... she was supposedly a lesbian... later a bisexual... i took her home and played her some Kind of Blue... it's not like jazz is cheap... am i still... sounding a bit crass: "objectifying" as a way of making shortcuts? isn't it? *** without having children? it must be... esp. if you have long spells of not doing what most urban folk seem to be having all the time: unless they're merely boasting about having: smoke & mirrors... i'd allow my head to be chopped off and turn into an urban myth surrounding a cockroach if i could have more of it... the urban myth of the cockroach? apparently if you decapitate a cockroach... it keeps on living: a zombie torso... finally dying after two weeks from... hunger... since... the ****** obvious... it has no head to ingest food with! - how odd... i thought i had something original to write tonight... i started scribbling then lasted long enough to find myself writing too poorly, so i resorted to read my inbox messages... i am more willing to leave you with a reply than have to masquerade with some "originality"... you asked me: or at least insinuated about casual ***...what's your take on *******? i ask the question while listening to the cure: short term effect from the album: *******... i'll hardly make this a light-hearted question... i don't even think it might be categorized as a question: hasn't ******* / rather the spread of it... become ominous? i still remember the ****** of shame with colour in my cheeks when i would buy: a magazine short of sinister... a woman's naked body: if not celebrated.... sure... i'll be the one jerking off to a revision of the **** via cubism... the face will not be a sorting out process of a nightmare...  if ever i watch a pornographic movie: it will be done via turning the sound off... whatever a woman is concerned i like to see a potential: i don't like to see something to imitate... come to think of it: i don't think i've asked a question: if i wanted some clarity... i would be gagging for it... no wonder we moved away from politics and onto such "pressing" matters as to why: so many of us are not getting enough of "it"... no? whether we have children or we don't have children: i've seen it for my very own eyes: having children doesn't allow you to savour certain guarantees:  my maternal grandfather ought to have been surrounded by his loved ones... his grandson (moi) and his daughter... (my mother)... what came about? a "conspiracy" between his wife (my grandmother)... and his son (my uncle)... so he died... alone... in a hospice... last time i checked in never wanted to have *** beyond the gratifications bound to the "casual":... i want the puddle experience when other people might stress: there's the sea! there's the sea!
you probably acknowledged a truth that wasn't a question before someone who... wouldn't want you to find seeking said experience as something... necessarily... equally shared by one and all... it won't be... i've had my moments of raging against the night having spent a paid hour with nothing more than kisses... caresses and a limp phallus... come to think of it: i don't think *** is ever "casual":  it might be for sociopaths... sociopaths who "think" that stealing apples from a grocery stall is synonymous with buying them...  by casual i'm implying: it's better that there's a transactional transparency invoked: someone is getting more than the other... the party involved with thirst is thirsty... the party selling water: eh... a metaphorical muddle by now...  while you're wondering why casual *** is like... i'm wondering what... fatherhood is... it's a nice compliment of agitations... what wouldn't i do with fatherhood: well... what wouldn't i... keep 3am a time worth staying awake for... so that i might sccribble some words down...

(v) comment section

commented on Mr *******s Integrity

- it must be a fairies' tail...no? at least en engaged cat telling with waggling to joke at the dogs' investment in: the currency of leash / muzzle? good to know that you remember Mr. Schmidt... i'mm somehow sure he wouldn't be content with anyone else remembering him... lessons seem to have been learned... and all the best of him: kept, since you allowed him to be: so graced.

- One thing I’m sure of is only a twisted A-hole would make a comment like this but at least thanks for reading this and these were real people.

- i'm the twisted A-hole and you're the "dear Jesus"... crux-sucker? fair enough... love's a temple... however you want it: on your knees... hey! your take on the best dangling of doodling fancy. no problem... i'm no homophobe.

seems to me... people lack all the entertainmet
when it comes to nuancing language...
they can digest jokes...
they can doodle around with crosswords...
but... when it comes to...
hell: if they're not going to bother...
why the **** ought, i?!
too many movies: too many books unread...
a barrage of art has left everyone
yet to feed into the feels of:
the end of the 20th century: romance.

Are you regularly transcending your ego?
Is doubt interfering with your intentions?
Can you dream dreams and envision a future,
that are aligned with His plan of Salvation?

Will your dreams manifest into your reality?
Have you discussed your purpose with Him?
Can you claim that you’re making progress?
Are you imploding from events that are grim

and seeking to pull your soul downward again?
Are you applying Biblical principles often,
to your personal, family and professional lives?
Are you kind toward others, with a heart soften

by the joyous message of God’s abundant Love?
Are you involving yourself in high-energy levels
of appreciation, reverence, trust and optimism?
Or are you sacrificing at the feet of devils,

who have stolen your Life’s sacred, first Love?
In the midst of your brokenness, does Light shine?
Can the uninitiated and unsaved, see any evidence
in your behavior, whereby your life is a shrine

that proclaims the greatness and goodness of God?
From agitations and disruptions, do you find release?
Can you stay clear of commotions and hullabaloos?
Are you living… in turmoil or staying in peace?
.
.
.
Author notes

Inspired by:
Psa 24:1-10; Phil 4:8-10; 1 Cor 14:33;
Eph 4:4-14; Job 12:10

Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://amzn.to/1ffo9YZ

By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2016, All rights reserved.

Tell the overture and underdeveloped maniac to be a carrier,
Of all of the sudden,
Flans' and such,
Gritted, girt, and push,
Keep in like with the ordinance,
Feel the poor drag,
Stem up your cellular brain


****** she wrote,
Tuesday devotee,
Wrapped in conformity and commitment,
Depraved sensual agitations,
For the alone inside

In a long sofa
I lay briefly... outside the veranda next to my granny cozy cat
My thoughts wanders like a reincarnated soul
As I ponder...
Who am I?
I ask repeatedly
To what purpose do I deserve to be called among the humans?

As I lay myself down... Heaven hear me frown...
Neither could my thoughts stop pondering...
Who am I?
What is this tormentors agitations?
That rest on my hearts shoulder
And make me feel as if all had been a dream...
Was I to wake up in a moment?
Who am I?
I ponder still...

My spirit remains awakening
For the search of truth is beyond physical
And the person I am or I'll be
Determines how I set my pace
For the heart has reasons
That reasons itself cannot know...
  
After all,
I'm the master of my fate ....and the writer of my own destiny...
The weaver of the so called Carpet of fate...
And so are you.....

Stifled into servitude
infiltrated
*****, pillaged
consumed
The papers piper
plays their tune
Thick as thieves
they lead you to their ruse
Pay into the fuse
lighting our inevitable doom
Fictitiously facing
agitations of their separation
Believe youre free
to serve a nation
which merely is
a corporation

Life's not a cakewalk. There are trial's, tribulations.
Downtimes, agitations. Sweet lovin or imitations.
Life's not a cakewalk, life's a seed so let it grow.
Life is a plea of something bigger than us
Let life's seed flourish and grow.

And man is between heaven and hell, and his knowledge of this the only thing to tame his agitations and keep him humble.

Pray for him that he may be satisfied with what he has without envy or wrath when all he owns come to leave and force him to long for the days that were.
Teach him to care for his memories as though his only belongings but never to be so nostalgic that he loses touch with what could be.

Teach him to strive and work for what he desires most, that idleness does not grip him with dreams and hopes
So that what could be shapes into what is and when what is is finally reality; tell him not to hurry for what will be.
May he be strong without abuse or tyranny and may he be purified in the knowledge that he is man and man only, that his duty is simply to walk and to journey.

And though he may fall to corruption and delusion, though he may bathe into his own reflection and revere illusions,
May he break out of those spells and take flight back from the flames in which he both revelled and cried
And back on land and to the higher realms where he may spy, where he may peek into the eye
And be reassured that all is one.
Ultimately let him fall back down to earth that he may find his place in the world and know that he belongs and belongs always.

In your depreciating Cabral of the putrid collectives
where the poisonous oxygen sears your hackneyed minds
and the history of your undesirable stations colors your visions
painting thoughts in rediffusions of psychopathy tuning whimsical
casting the agitations and hysterics of your fractious diseased sights

Know this for nothing, he who dared show your malignancy
In stance laissez-faire, you erupted unfair troubles, chaos, strife
spurred by knaves, armoured by the green-eyed monster and deceit
boiling with historical wounds, none of my doing or from my habitat
In devious lying tongues you rout my knoll, my name, my heart et al

Now, know this, hate a'fore unknown to me, but not any more
despise will not do, detest and arbor not enough, loathe still not near
a man of peace I trouble you not but in raging madness you pillaged
You paid an army, you conned a town for the bravest it overwhelmed
Now you post your wenches and sell a fable of teasing and confusing

From this heart I do declare, this man can never turn in gay
but no ***** regardless fair or fetching who in your game, I see
that ceaseless passions burns and holds nowt but abominations for all
nurse my soul for pitiless, cruel wicked and witless snakes is too far
say what you may, pen what you will, I see you and all in contempt

I know of time and I know of age and I have known pleasures
but now I also know what hate can do and how evil blackens hearts
save your time and use your cancerous energy elsewhere as you do
to hold I want to share passions with your vacuous wenches untrue
Me see no beauty no more, only mindless effigies and sadist puppets in slime

clearly they're scared of the impeding gravitas... at Wembley... well... if i was this lowly exit steward once, then plain ol' dandy... then supervisor of stewards, then a supervisor of the response team... and now they're asking me to be a quadrant manager... the security industry is not a career (reiterate: there is no career prospect in the security industry) - and rising in rank is not something to be glorified... but here's the burden and apparently i'm competent to be able to do: human-chess... but the subterfuge of people with absolutely no skills: no skills in construction, no skills in culinary expeditions... which later translates as no competence in giving people instructions in a mild-mannered deviation from having authority... but here i am... the first time out of a school environment of climbing ladders and it's just like school... the horror...

so i get technological paranoia... sue me...
a 502 bad gateway
of a page shutting down is
me at my most orientating pristine...
but then i share a picture of my ***...

thirst for squabble:
she's demanding triangles
and squares and circles of me:
something geometrically defining
my construct
in the confines of a female psyche...
so we playfully argue
like she does pretty much
all the arguing being half
Puerto Rican
and i'm like: o.k.
for the juicy peach of an ***
i get to RAM...
i'm not arguing...
as long as i can think about
making a pasta Carbonara
the next day
and think of eggs
and slugs
and *** and **** juices
then some blood...
and how she only recently told me:
well you know that i've done
****...
like me being upfront about
trying out a ******* and for
the love of god
the next time i ingest that suggestion
of... "feeling like a king"
just because:
i could swear i didn't ask
for a *******
i was almost pressured into
claiming that whisper:
but it wasn't true:
i didn't feel like a king:

threesomes are for petty thieves
who cannot reside in the confines
of a harem...
the rest revolves around
the dynamite of monogamy...
the nobility of monogamy:
the triviality explained: celebrated:
of monogamy...
like her falling asleep with
her daughter falling asleep
and me on the other side of the telephone:
not trying to fall asleep:
now that! that was a *******!

to have that sort of pairing of mother
and daughter knowing
full well the daughter is not even a taboo
but a sanctity...
taboos and sanctity...
strange how a plural of the latter word
doesn't really: "figure itself out"...

but how i love these petty arguments:
you cut me off,
not saying: i'll be back in a minute:
well mother called and she wanted
me to take a picture of a hospital appointment
letter...

i knew there was something wrong
with those brakes:
there was too much tension
on the wire...
i might have been a fool trying to take
off the cassette...
******* up my wheel then gleefully
basking in my intelligence's impotence:
but breaks and break wires i can figure out...
too much tension:
that's why whenever i squeezed
one side: the right side
of the brake would leech onto the wheel
and create a friction:
since there was too much tension on the wire
there was not enough REFLEX...

the most important aspect of dealing
with a subject matter of revising
a bicycle is:
you need the proper tools:
i can't stress how much ******* i received
from myself
for not having the right wrench or
the right spanner etc
to improvise with a bite of tongs
is not a way to revise:
i don't need to have shoe guards on those peddles!
what if i get "confused"
by the spin and i'm at a roundabout
and i need to press hard
on the peddles to engage the traffic
and almost be grinding my teeth
at the start of a race at a velodrome?!
apparently the force that needs to be
exerted on those bicycles is
equivalent to someone pushing a car
while reclining on their back...
well **** me: i'd love to ride
a 55,000 quids worth of a bicycle
more than i'd want to drive a Ferrari...

ah... the ******-Catharsis Complex
of the Anti-Oedipus scrutiny...
perhaps... but no...
it feels less and less like i want
to **** my grandmother and more and more
a relative concise: precision-marker
of wanting to **** my grandmother:
in terms of the body-volume
voluptuous scandal...
like pears, peaches,
oysters... slugs...
                   cushions...
                         clouds...   chicken hearts...
squish squish... octopuses...
kittens...
   cannibals exposed
to civilization and vegetarianism...
then losing the plot with veganism...
anemic vampires...
     haemophilia...
                       someone fainting seeing blood...
needle poison...

not so much public as it is cryptic
or perhaps i don't really mind
that i see people see me **** her
in my mind:
they're not actually going to see me ****
her just me thinking about:
for the time being:
next time i do i'll open up a champagne
bottle and call it a new year's eve party...
until then
we have to spice life up with
little agitations to sense a wonder
for the status quo:
otherwise it's not going to work...
but little agitations i can stomach:
like a steak tartar...

but how she managed to convince me
that i'm parasite riddled
how i have worms wriggling
in my agitated ****: tingling ****:
well... if you're scared of me licking
it and you enjoy it:
then you might as well know that
you're riddle with pin-worms!
yes! you are! riddled with pin-worms!
am i?
what?! just because i felt sort
of weird about you licking my ****
out oh the power play
so now i have to concede:
because i get to get off licking your ****
out...
but i've never experienced ****
and you have
and maybe if i wasn't so *******
vanilla i might be inclined to be gay
and maybe i should ask someone to
stick their fingers up my oblique
of a mouth:
and test for the existence of a prostate!

like a fish needs a bicycle
like a tortoise needs
a cupboard.

Oh forgetfulness!
When I taste of your nectar so sweet
I feel a loving embrace that numbs my anguish
I am afflicted by bruises that never heal
Made victim of people I can't openly accuse
My sober mind has become a den of horror
My loved ones do not feel any sympathy for me
Out in the cold streets is where I belong
Living in a tent surrounded by trees and the elements
For I could not manage my own house
Reality is a blur for the addict
It's hard to tell what's real or imaginary
Small acts of disrespect I blow out of proportion
Small agitations make me inclined to violence
I fear myself more than anything
If I were to be honest with God
I would tell him I am no longer useful
My words slump to the ground
There is no vigour or persuasiveness in them
My relationships have all ended in failure
Too many burned bridges lead to dead ends
I wander aimlessly without direction
Like an abandoned and ***** dog am I
I hope to find any scrap of belonging
People pass me without any knowledge
That I was once a vibrant little boy
Worthy of a bright future but alas!
I am a deeply disturbed man
All these thoughts never leave me alone

Indifference
should convey that
we are In Different levels
you are in constant agitations
because you know you are in deference
as you are all aware of our differences in status
I am indifferent because I know you are indifferent to culture
ignorant, blaise, out of tune, uncouth, inferior & as such dismiss-able
I am indifferent to you but for your sins you cannot be indifferent to me