the season you lost your innocence it rained exceptionally hard
and all the kindergarteners that would come over to sing and swing and chant in the yard
started to frown in your direction
or half-smile with a cloudy membrane sheltering their eyes to you, or so it seemed

and people would walk their dogs with a tighter leash, afraid that they could smell
your ruin

ing body, plastered in a cold, hardened defeat...uneasy sweat

and you took off that child-like headband you'd been wearing for months on end
a little worn now, that terrible periwinkle satin and lace

too Lo Li Ta for liking
now that you finally knew what it was like to be a ******* in the lion's den

your fractured wrist beckons slowly to the pinky
carefully moonlight denies your pleas
can you see what it's done to you
the bugs are whispering
break his knees
did i say i loved you once
underneath the willow, examining a fallen twig
did i look up at the light and tell you you were golden and green

i didn't find the answers to your questions that summer or the one after that
my words are barren
a glass desert


and i'm sorry i don't know how to love after the battles have been won
when it's not unrequited
when you're finally within reach

i'm sorry i become a ***** shell
a wordless mouth
a quiet stare, making noises between the ears
never loud enough to hear

can i lie awake in the sadness of your broken hand?

can i call you up when i find the band aids are contaminated by childhood dares?

I don't know if i can call you mine with a care
like I had in those julys, sleeping there
hair intertwined
carnivorous and bare

can i say your name in the stillness of the fire while they laugh in awe at my gracelessness?

is it fair?

do they know it has always been there?