We would be walking in the chilly air.
Soft and frequent cheers from young monsters and fairies
The common 'trick or treat' as a door becomes ajar
We would be a pair
You'll complete mine
And I'll complete yours
An occasional scare from a ****** clown or beast
Brings me closer to your warmth
We ditch the crowded sidewalks for a cozy bed
Accompanied by hot cocoa and a fuzzy blanket
An endless amount of Halloween themed movies
Starting with The Nightmare Before Christmas
Ending with gore and guts
My eyes sheltered by your chest
We'd look back at the pictures taken
Printing them on the Polaroid
Our memories on paper
You'd pull me closer
Tell me how sweet I smell
I'd giggle and deny it
Slowly but surely our eyelids begin to weigh
We finally succumb to the unwanted
but needed, sleep
Our nightmares subdued by the feeling of being next to one another
But sadly...
I'm here
Listening to the leaves sway outside
You're there
Probably playing a game,
yelling at your TV
All I can do is express the desires for us,
**for now

I won't admit it
I'm tipsy tonight

So I'll bite my tongue as my insides churn
My mind races and skids

I don't want to hear your words
I don't want your embrace
I'm lost in my own world
Reality and imagination collide into one

My hands shake from not eating
The ethanol is pushing its way through my veins
Invading my thoughts and heartbeat
My pulse slows

I won't admit it
I'm a bit tipsier than I should be

My emotions slowly fade
A foggy brain emerges in its place
I can't help but think of the future
A shot glass to every beginning
And end

I sink deeper into the temptation
Sip by sip
My body begins to lose its control
As warm liquid fills my blood and lungs

I won't admit it
But instead of your kiss
Its the glass that touches my lips

The only one left listening is you.
You warm my blood and sting my throat as you ease my pain
The stronger you are the more you take away...
You caress my body as it begins to sway
Heating it with your very touch

You feel familiar in the pit of my stomach
Better than butterflies
My heart races just inhaling you
My dear friend, ethanol...

I don't know
what it is that makes me so much like a wall
Something people like to lean against for balance
but
then it becomes a crazy request when the words begin to build
I'm tired
Not physically
I'm not sure mentally either...
I'm tired of laughing when all I can think about is the darkness
I'm tired of sleeping when all I dream of are my worst fears awake
I'm tired of waking up just wanting to curl over
and to just close my eyes again
I'm tired of feeling something then suddenly having it ripped away
ripped away by some invisible entity called depression
I can kiss and feel nothing at all
I can lay quietly and have a whole war of words and imagination
battling without a word or reason  
I can blink and feel an inevitable amount of grief pass by
I can breath for hours
then suddenly want to take the air from others
I feel like I'm in a cycle of tired, okay, tired, not okay, okay...
tired
Sometimes
I can yearn for such a love
And hate just that moments later
I'm confused at myself
Confused at my emotions
Confused at my heart and head
Confused at why I feel so...

*Aloof

The clocks strikes louder than usual.
As I lay here on this cold, hard floor.
Your words replaying like a tune on repeat.
Silent scenes playing on the blank wall.
Sleepless nights full of tossing and turning,
one leg in, one out.
The feeling of seeing someone you love
love someone else,
haunting your mind that's already on edge.
Your mind that has thoughts of the hollow tree outside,
freezing from the outside in.
Branches weeping with each breeze...
Leaves letting go as they fall helplessly.
Suddenly the tree begins to tumble beneath the hail of pain.
Rays of sadness leaking through and spilling onto the pages of life.
The pages you so long kept dry.

Eleven months.
Three hundred and sixty two days.

I was never sure if I could be wounded any more.
But I could.
And I was.
She left me on her birth day.
A quite one it was that year.
I asked around.
You undeniably left me.
It happened before,
but like this?
I couldn't remember the last time it felt like I stuck my heart into a burning *** of oil.
I could recall it hurt.
Not like this
You asked me to wait for you.
That you'd get better after just a few months.
You said you had to get help.
You were forced.
They took you away from me.
I wanted to run to you but you told me to stay.
I was useless, like a queen exposed.
Checkmate
I was stripped of my footpath and contentment.
I was left searching.
Searching for the reasons you told me I'd have to bleed for.
The reasons why you were gone.
I picked up each broken glass,
bit by bit.
My heart and mind ached to hear your voice.
To see your face.
To hug you.
I wanted to feel closure while you gone.
But then you vanished.

Eight Hours Apart

You were only eight hours away from me.
Yet I couldn't feel your presence encircling me anymore.
You no longer held onto my dreams and whispered sweet words.
I would feel little when I could feel your tears drop to the floor.
I felt like a bean compared to your garden of pain.
Though, I sprouted through.
I worked through the hurt,
stitching it
one by one
into myself.
Repairing the once empty space with ruin, understanding and martyr.

Three Days Away**

Being apart,
had unmistakably killed the living thing you call a soul
inside me.
It ate at me until I finally released it from hunger.
It didn't shine nor buzz.
I was lost,
but I don't want to be found.
The great and Almighty were washed away from yesterdays glass.
Three days.