A box full of poetry,
a case full of whispered
words to a page
that I was too afraid
to speak aloud.

Because I am a coward,
drawing the line of verbal
self-expression where I know
that I am the most vulnerable

Instead, I speak to my pen and let it wipe and twirl
my secrets and heartbreaks
onto an empty piece of paper.

The paper is now tainted,
keeping and holding my thoughts
completely immortal, and somehow
rendering me even more helpless

I cannot control who reads
or who learns of my personal woes
and my selfishly written stories
of events that I couldn't control

So now I will quit the sappy prose
and continue to write things
that will inspire souls to jump,
sing, laugh, dance, and love.

I regret with all my heart
never holding your hand
and never admitting to you
how much you meant to me.
Because you were the warm touch
of sunlight during the winter
and the smile on my face after a long day,
and I let you slip through my fingers
more easily than I ever could have imagined.

If I could write a million love songs
none would compare to the sound
of you speaking my name in any
instance; be it love, anger, impatience,
seduction or hatred—no other sound
could possibly compete with your
bittersweet, heart-wrenching melody.

All it takes is one sweet smile,
an explosive laugh,
a nervous shove
of hands into denim pockets,
a pluck of a string,
a reach with the voice,
a bad joke,
a good choice in song,
and my stomach jumps
in feathering butterflies,
my heart leaps to my throat,
and my insides begin to warm.
I feel all of the good things
from within myself
rushing to conquer the bad,
and I allow it to happen,
simply because of him.

If I told you
that your smile gives me tingles
and sends shivers up my arms
you would never look at me the same;

and I don't think that I could bear
to have you look at me like that, with
an estranged curiosity in your eyes.

So instead, I will admire you from afar,
pretending that your eyes meeting mine
mean absolutely nothing,

and that I don't love

everything you do.

You looked at me today
and I don't know if it was
on accident
or on purpose,
but I do hope it was on purpose,
because I looked back
and I smiled,
and I have only ever
done that for
you.