I need to get to work
Remove these bandages from my chest
and cut off these lumps with a chainsaw
Carve into my jaw with a knife until it’s sharp
Cut open my neck and pull my Adam’s apple forward
Chop off all of my hair and super-glue it onto my face and chest.
Take a chisel and hammer to my chin and hammer nails into my eyes.
Pump my muscles up with Co2, and stretch out my legs until I'm 6 feet tall.
Mold out the pieces of me that are missing and staple them on.
Cut and resew.
***** and Drill.
There’s just too much.
Too much of me to fix
And I don't know how much time I have left.

A girl. A sophisticated college student.
The pretty girl wearing a dress,
singing in the church choir, and is loved by the church
The perfect oldest daughter
and an example to her siblings
The smart granddaughter that everyone is proud of.
Taught to stand up straight,
Act and walk "like a lady"
Always smelling like fruit and flowers, in bright vibrant colors.
A beautiful young woman.

A boy. Scared to be himself.
In the same college,
working toward the same goals
Wears a suit,
doesn't sing for the choir
doesn't even feel welcome in church
He Smells of cologne, and his voice is higher than most men.
Always he wears baggy clothes in dark colors
He has siblings but they don't know him
Has parents but they are oblivious to his existence
His grandparents are proud of his accomplishments
but think he is someone else.
He slouches when he walks and sits weirdly
but still, he was taught to be chivalrous and knows how to be a gentleman.
A handsome young man.


Two lives. One truth.
The boy hiding behind the girl.

I don't let  people in easily,
but the few people who have won my trust,  
Have been given a  loaded gun ​aimed at my heart
​At any moment any one of them could pull the trigger
My life is at their disposal

[he] wants to be around you
he [knows] you still like him  
he knows [that] he makes you happy
he wants [you] to stop
he is in [love] with you
he wants you to get over [him]
[he] subtly is telling you he likes you back
he [wants] to just be friends
he is waiting [to] ask you out
he doesn't want to[hurt] your feelings
he wants [you] to be his boyfriend

I create scenarios in my head about us.
make plans for the future.
But as much as I dream
It won’t happen.

Don't be silly.
How could he ever love someone like you?
That wouldn’t make any sense.

When you put a puzzle together
Each piece has its place
You all fit into a space
but I can’t find mine.

I’m holding onto a thin piece of rope
The only thing keeping me from falling
I can hear the 6 different voices
See 12 different hands holding one another
But not one realizes that I’m dangling below
No one bothers to ask where I’ve gone  
And I don’t speak up
I just continue to dangle below
Hoping that someone,
Anyone
Would see me
Thinking , someone has to actually care right ?
The rope is slowly breaking
Slowly disconnecting from where the rest of the bodies are congregated
Id pull myself up , but I’m weak from trying to hold on
I just want someone’s hand to reach out and pull me up
Anyone  
Before the string disconnects
and i fall