yes, of course I know your name
you're the girl who always dances
no matter who might be around
can't forget someone like you

you're the girl who always dances
around the house with a smile
can't forget someone like you
a beautiful body like yours, dancing

around the house with a smile
I imagined myself with you
a beautiful body like yours, dancing
writhing in ecstasy on my bed

I imagined myself with you
breathing your essence as you're
writhing in ecstasy on my bed
my roommate was the lucky fellow

breathing your essence as you're
laying wrapped inside his arms
my roommate was the lucky fellow
a treasure locked behind his door

laying wrapped inside his arms
you must have glistened like a gem
a treasure locked behind his door
kept hidden from my hungry eyes

you must have glistened like a gem
your lusciously pale skin forever
kept hidden from my hungry eyes
oh, how I long to hold and caress

your lusciously pale skin forever
no matter who might be around
oh, how I long to hold and caress
yes, of course I know your name

****** fist
splintered door
broken beer bottle
thrown across the room

                                                        ­        waking up
                                                          shoo­ting pains
                                                                 in my legs

top bunk
looking down
little brother
crying             screaming

                                                    ­        grandmother
                                             ­     cheerfully awakens

slurred shouting
incoherent orders&complaints;

                                           rhythmi­cally massages

mother’s petite body
shoved against the wall

                                                         i forget all pain
                                           & instead seep in stories

why am i not moving?

                                                     ­     of a childhood
                                                       ­ not so long ago

just watching
just watching

tear at this flesh
let it rip and bleed
how many cuts can fit
on a small girls arm
no one will know
is this strength
or do I just
succumb to weakness
feel the blood rush to the open
wound attempting to heal
the newest attack
this is the one sensation
that I know and I know it well

i slice wedges
and suddenly realize
i am not unlike
the tuber i'm cutting so
-maliciously-

this chunk of earthy flesh
takes many shapes&form;;
constantly changing
yetalwaysstill
a potato

a seed unto itself
ready to spread roots
wherever it may land

living in dark solitude
yet always reaching up
towards light-
towards life-

i find a hidden bad spot
and carefully [eradicate it]
such a good potato
should not go to waste

can’t look away from your eyes
your big beautiful lips shine and grow
every inch of skin is aching
Let me show you
hands explore curves
catch my breath
you watch every twitch and spasm
listen to every gasp and moan
But nothing more

we lay together
in the stale night air
i breathe deeply
afraid that if i’m not
making myself, it won’t happen
your legs open
i catch a glimpse of
shiny wet
and i’ve gotta make myself
breathe again

i’m laying here trembling
somewhere between yesterday
and tomorrow. between you
and what could be, what has been
my eager fingers crawl
quickly, achingly, expectantly
towards the inviting patch
of curly black hairs

you lay next to me naked
and warm. i place my palm
on your mound and focus
only on your heartbeat
i dip a finger inside
and breathe you in
a moment of perfect
clarity

i know what’s to come

I feel you scooting closer and closer to me
Your hand grazes my thigh
Your arm attempts to press against mine
With every movement you make towards me,
I slide further away from you
Feeling defeated, you start to roll away from me,
but quickly press your hand against my hip and whisper ‘sorry’
A flood of words and feelings come pouring out of my mouth
I can’t control them, am not really sure what’s going on
You quickly turn to face me, excitement
immediately melts from your face when you see my expression
After hours of explaining and apologizing and re-explaining
and switching sides and tucking truths safely behind our teeth
I finally get off the bed
and leave you
to face a bright, loud living room on my own.

there’s a hole in your sheet
just large enough for my arm
to tuck away under the cotton
& above the swollen, wet mattress.
you smell of *** and confidence;
the lamplight glistens on your skin.

tracing the scars on your skin
until they’re white as a sheet,
i gently kiss each one, confident
that you will return them. armed
with love you leave the mattress,
our fortress of white billowy cotton.

as you reach for your cotton
boxers, i marvel at your skin.
left alone on the lumpy mattress,
i cover myself with the sheets,
exposing just my face and arms.
i love watching you walk; confidence

seeps out of your pores. confidence
i can touch under the cotton
when i’m wrapped inside your arms,
flesh to flesh skin to skin
together for hours under the sheets,
our own world on this mattress.

i feel secure on this mattress
knowing i can always confide in
you. rain’s coming down in sheets,
soaking the plants hidden by cotton.
you return with shiny drenched skin,
soaked roses bundled in your arms.

wiping my tears with my arm,
i leap up from the mattress,
the thorns have pierced your skin.
i pull them out with confidence
and lead you to the cotton
where we’ll play under the sheets.

on this mattress we’re both confident.
my arm tucks away beneath the cotton
skin to skin under the sheets.

I imagine my tiny body floating on the sea of bedding.
Your six foot plus frame looming over me.
The light from the bathroom casting you all in shadow, disfiguring your face.

I don’t remember a smell of alcohol or the scratching of an unshaven chin on my flesh.
I don’t remember words that were spoken or what I was wearing.
I don’t remember the length of your fingers or how cold they must have been.

I remember your hand tapping the couch and the moans coming from the TV.
I remember the window next to my mother’s bed and the shadows that didn’t see me.
I remember the shadows that never saw me.

there's a hole in your sheet
large enough for my arm to slip in
to tuck away under the cotton
above the swollen mattress

the crook of your arm has been fashioned
perfectly to the curve of my cheek
you pull me into you and rest your hand
so gently, on the small of my back

you smell of *** and confidence
the lamplight glistens on your skin
my fingers lightly run through your hair
i kiss your shoulder, arm and chest

within mere moments
you will say goodbye
and i will drive home
screaming

you don't speak
you don't breathe

we sat together
hand in hand
my lips trembling
my leg shaking

your eyes are closed
your face is solid
no emotions to read
no breathing, no nothing

i leaned across to you
touched my lips to yours
you opened your eyes
and kissed back

this is a moment i could freeze
i could live like this forever
right here in your arms
your taste in my mouth

you don't speak
you don't breathe

as he slid further into me
i realized this was the last place i wanted to be

the heat was making me sick
his breath reeked of beer and uncleanliness

i could hear laughing and music
my friends in the other room had no idea; hadn't noticed i'd left

his slurred speach was incoherent
he traced the edge of my ear, trying to be **** and failing

i dug my nails deep into his back
i bit hard into his shoulder; breaking skin; tasting blood

the pressure started building
as much as i hated him; i needed this release

one. last. final. push-
and i shoved him off of me, got out of bed, and put my pants back on

"Don't you want to come with me?"
       There's a truck in the back
       waiting for you

       One step around the corner
       and there it is, your magic carpet

       Take his hand, it is your light, your guide
       "Don't you want to feel my bones on your bones?"
       You feel your face form a smile but you're apprehensive

       One last hesitation.  One last look back.  One last sigh.
                      And then a leap

                      Cold metal presses against your skin
                      "My love for you is better than diamonds."
                      The wind whistles a gentle tune. You feel like crying.

                      The moon winks at you, suggesting perfection
                      The stars glow with wonder.  They're watching

"To you everything I bestow"
Shadows grow, stand up, approach you
Hide in his eyes. The moon has set

You check your pulse.  Steady heart beat
You don't believe it. Check his.  Same beat

You say "Kiss me and tell me it's not broken"
A quick kiss on your forehead feels cold and wet
"I'll give you the stars from the bruised evening sky"

Everything is bruised tonight.  The stars refuse to look at you
It is broken

I can hear the june bugs approaching
lay down in the grass and close your eyes
we can hide here, away from the lights and sounds
away from our fears and lies

We've not seen each others eyes for weeks
take time to touch my face, kiss my lips
I hold your hand in mine. Hold it so tight
in these moments I feel forever

I can hear the june bugs approaching
we try to count stars, but the moon outshines them all
you make me a daisy chain I wear as a crown
I kiss every inch of you, leaving red lips behind

We'll just lay here while the world ends
I'll tell you stories that make you laugh
you'll tell me secrets that make me cry
we won't notice armegeddon in our bliss

i whispered you a story
into the soft blowing wind

it danced through the air
-letters flying everywhere-
a disarray of the's and or's
a collage of he's and she's

sentences got caught in the trees
tangled and mangled in the branches
tickled, the trees shook away my words

the wind calmed
vowels were shaking
drifting to the ground
needing to be heard
needing to be felt

a new breeze swooped down
and pried up my dying words

warm wind kissed your face
and you started crying

Quivering flesh
Your lips on mine
Every stroke is a new sensation
Entwined limbs
Corresponding heartbeats
Can't get enough

Breath quickening
Sweat dripping
Pulses racing
Bodies shaking

Incoherent speech
Gasps and moans
Oh God, what a prayer tonight
Clenched fists
Eyes wide open
Long hard kisses
Perfect O's


Laying frozen
Tickled senseless
A silent moment of satisfaction

Slow breathing

Your fingers locked with mine

Two lovers drift asleep

elijah stood over the railroad tracks
waiting for something to strike

it would come as a loud crack
the echo of bone smashing
into the infinite sound

his limbs spread freely
just a fraction of a moment
spanning all time and existence

he would scorn the trees
for cradling his last goodbye

my bones burst through my skin
I leave a trail of blood in my wake
my toes scrape the gravel with each step
slowly ripping off each toenail

I can't control my jaw
drool is dripping off my chin
eyes are swollen shut
I can only barely see through red slits

I can feel millions of bugs
crawling all over my skin
biting and ******* and feeding
I scratch and scratch at them
desperately trying to ****

the air is as thick and sour as cat ****
I can taste it on my tongue
every other breath I choke and cough
splattering drool all over my face

in my weakest moment I think of you
and tears start to pour down my cheeks
seeping into each cut with a sting
burning a trail like acid