there’s a hole in your sheet
just large enough for my arm
to tuck away under the cotton
& above the swollen, wet mattress.
you smell of *** and confidence;
the lamplight glistens on your skin.

tracing the scars on your skin
until they’re white as a sheet,
i gently kiss each one, confident
that you will return them. armed
with love you leave the mattress,
our fortress of white billowy cotton.

as you reach for your cotton
boxers, i marvel at your skin.
left alone on the lumpy mattress,
i cover myself with the sheets,
exposing just my face and arms.
i love watching you walk; confidence

seeps out of your pores. confidence
i can touch under the cotton
when i’m wrapped inside your arms,
flesh to flesh skin to skin
together for hours under the sheets,
our own world on this mattress.

i feel secure on this mattress
knowing i can always confide in
you. rain’s coming down in sheets,
soaking the plants hidden by cotton.
you return with shiny drenched skin,
soaked roses bundled in your arms.

wiping my tears with my arm,
i leap up from the mattress,
the thorns have pierced your skin.
i pull them out with confidence
and lead you to the cotton
where we’ll play under the sheets.

on this mattress we’re both confident.
my arm tucks away beneath the cotton
skin to skin under the sheets.

I imagine my tiny body floating on the sea of bedding.
Your six foot plus frame looming over me.
The light from the bathroom casting you all in shadow, disfiguring your face.

I don’t remember a smell of alcohol or the scratching of an unshaven chin on my flesh.
I don’t remember words that were spoken or what I was wearing.
I don’t remember the length of your fingers or how cold they must have been.

I remember your hand tapping the couch and the moans coming from the TV.
I remember the window next to my mother’s bed and the shadows that didn’t see me.
I remember the shadows that never saw me.

there's a hole in your sheet
large enough for my arm to slip in
to tuck away under the cotton
above the swollen mattress

the crook of your arm has been fashioned
perfectly to the curve of my cheek
you pull me into you and rest your hand
so gently, on the small of my back

you smell of *** and confidence
the lamplight glistens on your skin
my fingers lightly run through your hair
i kiss your shoulder, arm and chest

within mere moments
you will say goodbye
and i will drive home
screaming

you don't speak
you don't breathe

we sat together
hand in hand
my lips trembling
my leg shaking

your eyes are closed
your face is solid
no emotions to read
no breathing, no nothing

i leaned across to you
touched my lips to yours
you opened your eyes
and kissed back

this is a moment i could freeze
i could live like this forever
right here in your arms
your taste in my mouth

you don't speak
you don't breathe

as he slid further into me
i realized this was the last place i wanted to be

the heat was making me sick
his breath reeked of beer and uncleanliness

i could hear laughing and music
my friends in the other room had no idea; hadn't noticed i'd left

his slurred speach was incoherent
he traced the edge of my ear, trying to be **** and failing

i dug my nails deep into his back
i bit hard into his shoulder; breaking skin; tasting blood

the pressure started building
as much as i hated him; i needed this release

one. last. final. push-
and i shoved him off of me, got out of bed, and put my pants back on

"Don't you want to come with me?"
       There's a truck in the back
       waiting for you

       One step around the corner
       and there it is, your magic carpet

       Take his hand, it is your light, your guide
       "Don't you want to feel my bones on your bones?"
       You feel your face form a smile but you're apprehensive

       One last hesitation.  One last look back.  One last sigh.
                      And then a leap

                      Cold metal presses against your skin
                      "My love for you is better than diamonds."
                      The wind whistles a gentle tune. You feel like crying.

                      The moon winks at you, suggesting perfection
                      The stars glow with wonder.  They're watching

"To you everything I bestow"
Shadows grow, stand up, approach you
Hide in his eyes. The moon has set

You check your pulse.  Steady heart beat
You don't believe it. Check his.  Same beat

You say "Kiss me and tell me it's not broken"
A quick kiss on your forehead feels cold and wet
"I'll give you the stars from the bruised evening sky"

Everything is bruised tonight.  The stars refuse to look at you
It is broken

I can hear the june bugs approaching
lay down in the grass and close your eyes
we can hide here, away from the lights and sounds
away from our fears and lies

We've not seen each others eyes for weeks
take time to touch my face, kiss my lips
I hold your hand in mine. Hold it so tight
in these moments I feel forever

I can hear the june bugs approaching
we try to count stars, but the moon outshines them all
you make me a daisy chain I wear as a crown
I kiss every inch of you, leaving red lips behind

We'll just lay here while the world ends
I'll tell you stories that make you laugh
you'll tell me secrets that make me cry
we won't notice armegeddon in our bliss