Take one look at me
What do you see
What do you feel
Do you know me
Are you a stranger
Are you my family
Are you my friend
It doesn't matter
non of it
Stay away from me
You don't need me
So stay away
Cause there's something I need
Blood
Screams
The look in your eyes when you see me
And all you see is your death
I've seen my death inches away from me
So many times
It's strange
Each time all i could think of was it's about time
Every day I lived
Was another day I was haunted
The screams in my head
The voices
The memories of all those who have seen me
The real me
Death
Being able to hear the screams
The voices begging for mercy
Begging for an end to the pain
How torturing those days were
God I loved those voices
The fact that they were only voices of the past and not the present
Such a tease

He's coming
I can since his every growing presence
Nothing to can do
Waiting hopelessly as death approaches
He comes seeking my body
He comes for skin
For blood
For vengeance
Vengeance for the living
Its them
They are the ones that bring him
For he only takes the blood of the living
And he shall take it all
He's is pure evil
A killer
A demon
His name
He has many
All for a different side of him
But they only know one
Me
they see just another weird kid
Little do they know
It's  the the Devils eyes they look into a

Listened to their screams as they tortured them
Such a petrifying sound
We sing songs of merriment as we march
Clear our mine of the pain
Exchange is with rage
Forced to watch as our bodies do what demons commanded
We watched them
Watched their bodies fall to the ground
Our eyes afraid to close
For in the darkness behind shows only the horror
Shows only the death
We must put guts over fear
Onward we go
Deeper into the fray
Our men not blind
See what Hell that awaits
Each already dead inside
There is no return
And still onward we go
We can feel the heat rising
Everything is on fire
Everything's a painful reminder of why we fight
It can only get hotter
Walking in the flames
Our bodies fire proof through rage
Our bodies buried by the blood of our women
The blood of our children
Can never truly be cleansed
For we carry them with use into the fiery crucible of which awaits
And while our flesh remains marked
Deeper into Hell we go
Our souls tainted by the pain of the innocent
The whispers of the evil
May our souls be purified
Cleansed in the blood of their killers
Glorified by the fruition of revenge
Onward we go

Here I stand down by your window
Your curtains closed
I can here your music, its to loud for me to hear anything else
I have no idea who's in your room
It could be your mom
It could be anyone in your family
They all hate me
You could be completely alone
You could be with him
My heart racing i tap on your window
The music stops
The world goes dead silent
Everything slows down as the curtains start to move
I can hear my heart beat in my head
I can feel the blood in my veins pumping through my body
Then i see your face
Everything gets ten times worst
My head feels like my eardrums are about to pop at the sound of my heartbeat
Everything gets blurry
My chest feels like i'm going to its being ripped open
I get so light headed i'm about to fall down
I put my hand on the window
It freezing cold
A tear falls from my eye
The first time i cried since before our anniversary
The window gets warmer
I look up to see why
You put your hand on mine
My chest stops hurting
I can hear something other than my heartbeat
My eyes still blurry from my tears
I tell you "I love you
I want you to remember my last words"
You start to cry
I give you an address a date and a time
I look you in the eyes and tell you one thing
Trust me
Pull out a gun
And i end the pain
One month later on December 25 you go to the address
Its 5:47 in the morning
Your at an old tree house, my old tree house
You go to the door there is no door *** just a hole And three locks
Its pitch black inside the house
You see a piece of paper nailed to the door
A note
It says "put your hand in... if you trust me"
Your hesitant
You start to crumble the piece of paper as you try to think of what you do
As your crumbling the piece of paper you see that there are words on the other side
It says " I want you to remember my last words"
My last word, trust me
You take a deep breathe as you put your hand in the hole
You feel something
You grab it and pull it
Its a key
A key to the door
You open the door as you do you hear something fall
Its a flash light
You pick it up and look around the room
You the room appears empty
Then you see a composition book taped to the celling
The title says closet with smaller word under it, too small to read at the distance
You try to jump to get it
An hour past and you still able not been able to get it
Finally you think
You go to the closet and you find a step-stool
You grab the book and read the first page
It says  under your height
It takes you a while but you find out what it means and look under the step stool
you fine 6 more books taped to the bottom their numbered
Your read the first page of each
They all say what their about
Ones all my secrets
Ones about all my life  
Three is a journal that i wrote in every day since we were together
The last one was about you and all of my feelings towards you
On the back i a piece of paper
It says " I'm sorry i'm gone. I wish i could be there with you right now. I wish i didn't have to do all this, but i am, and theres so much i want to say to you. so much i wish i took the chance to, but i didn't so i did all this as an attempt to tell you in death what i wish i had in life. I love you, don't forget me". One more thing if i could do it all again no matter how much pain I would end up in I would do it again".

There she is
Standing in on the hill
Staring off into the horrible world we live in
I walk up behind her sneakily
And just as I'm about to grab her
She snatches around and pounces  
We roll down the hill
Both laughing and holding each other tight
I manage to use my legs to stop us
She's on top of my as I stare into her eyes
And she stares into mine.
"I love you"
We both  say at the same time
I look at her expectantly
She just looks back at me the same way
"Say it back fatty" I say
" No I said it first so you have to say it back" she says
Stubbornly I rebel and decide to instead tell her " I wuv you Jennesiss Nicole Arroyo You're truly the best thing that has ever happened to me "
She just smiles at me and rolls her eyes.
" I wuv you to Ryan Terrell Arroyo"
I smile and look her in the eyes
I tell her " Your so beautiful Baby girl, You're just so amazing, everything about you.
The way you talk
The way you walk
The way you make me feel
Your contagious laugh
Your extremely beautiful smile
Your long curly hair
The way you look at me
I could go on for eons and be nowhere near telling you just how amazing you are"
I bring her closer
Squeezing her as close to me as I can
She squeezes back and we almost start to roll again but I stopped us
This time we were side by side
We sit up
I look her in her big beautiful brown eyes
"I love you so much Jennesiss.
I could never live without you
If it wasn't for you...
I wouldn't be alive right now.
When I had nothing else,
I always had you
And you were all I ever wanted
All I ever needed
You are are my one and only
And my everything.
You are my soul mate"
She sits there staring into my eyes
Tears streaming down her face
" ....I.....I...Ryan...I lov-"
Before she can finish her sentence
I grab her head and kiss her
And as or lips touch she gasp in surprise
She put her hands around my neck as we kiss
Everything froze
It was like the world around,
Time and space
All of it
It all just stopped and waited patiently for the kiss to end
Our lips still attacking each other, she reaches for something behind her back
Her lips pull away and she looks me in the eyes
" I love you so much"
I smile at her and kiss her again
She pulls away from my lips and whispers something in my ear
" But it's over now"
As her words enter my ears i feel something
A sharp pain
Then I feel something strange
A warm liquid begins to trickle down my stomach
I look down and see her hand
Wrapped tightly around a knife
****** starts to cover her hands
I grab her by her  wrist and the knife out and grab her
She squeals as I pull her closer to me
Bring the knife up to her chest
She screams and struggles to get away
But it's too late
I bring the knife to her chest
And look her in the eyes
She just looks back at me confused
"...Wha.....what are you.....doing?"
Tears run down  my face
"Did yo-........Did-......Did you really think I wou-........ hurt you"
It had become harder and harder to talk with my lungs filling with blood
I had very little time and I knew it
" I lov-......I lo-......"
She steps away looking scared
Yet smirking she says " but I don't love you. Not anymore."
Her words hurting far worst than the stab
Hurting worst than anything
I fall to my knees as she begins to walk away
" .......I.....still love.....I still love you Jennesiss"
My last words before I fall forward seemingly in slow motion
And just as my face hits the ground
I rise back up panting
I look around scared and confused but see nothing  
I feel so light headed
I go to move and suddenly I feel as if i'm falling
I wasn't sure until I felt  the floor meet my face
I manage to slowly get myself to my feet
I reach for my chest
Theres nothing there
I reach to my face and feel something soft
I pull it
" it's just.......my beanie?......What the Hell"
I look up and see myself
My mirror
My bed
My room
"It was just a.......dream"

There are so many different things in this world
Things that make us happy
Things that make life worth it
How long will they last
How long before you lose everything
Before all your left with is an empty body
Your soul long dead
Every step you take
Just another mistake
Until the day you feel every breath you take is another mistake
Every tough you feel, seems so unreal
No longer in this world
Just fading in the shadow of what was
Still alive but barley breathing
Surviving but never living
Waking up thinking not that your alive for another day
But that your dying another day
Surrounded by friends
Always feeling so alone