I sit and I watch you,
and I can’t help but wonder
what will break us.
And I realize this isn’t what
you should do when you
think you’re in love,
but I can’t help myself.
And I listen
as you talk and laugh.
And your kind words, though
they may be truthful, seem like
a dishonest attempt to get me to
show feelings that I don’t know if I have.
Feelings I don’t understand because
heartbreak has been romanticized
and love has been made into a fairy tale.
So while you talk about our future
the only thing crossing my mind
is every moment that could go wrong,
because everything can go wrong.
Your words fall onto the breakfast table
while I sip my coffee and smile and nod
at the appropriate moments.
And your words fall to the floor
and become the dust under our feet
as we move around the room,
dancing around the questions
we don’t know how to answer.
I can see you watching me,
trying to figure out my mind.
You can’t see me watching you
out of the corner of my eye.
And I know my eyes must look nervous
because I’ve spent so long wondering how we will
break, and I realize now that that is what will break us.
Even though this really isn’t what you should do
when you think you’re in love,
but I can’t help myself.

Temporarily falling
in love
with strangers
is my greatest
talent.
I sit in
cafes
and I write
love letters
that I will never send
on coffee stained
paper.
Cigarette smoke
drifts up from
an ashtray
and dances around
my fingers
as I jot down
kind words
that have never left
my bitter mouth.
And though
my words may
be truthful
they feel like
sweet lies
dripping from my pen.
The ink is a mix
of loving words
and the raw stinging
truth.
It spills on my papers
and makes a mess of my thoughts.
And then I stop
and take a breath
and look around
only to realize that everyone
I loved is gone.