There’s one small window in the stone wall
I look out slowly on a twilight world
With people I never knew
Telling me they know me
By way of the voices in my head
I feel different, and hungry
Hungry for things I forgot
And still, I don’t know how they say they know
The last four digits of a number
I never decided to remember
Tell me what I hunger for and why why why
Are they in the way?

Stone walls are familiar to the air I breathe and
Somehow, to my sense of taste. Forbidden, it is but I never
Wanted to go through the window
Into a twilight world
Hoping against hope
That the star shines for me and this pain in my body
Isn’t personal, but neutral

Why can’t I remember the numbers?
The lock stays as it is
Am I forever inside
Stone
walls

It leaves a place
Sore, and alone
On fingers
Remembered
The touch of a hand
And the pull of a needle

And I did feel it
But no more
Because
Because
One more time
Lead to death
The lonely death
Of the man in a crowd
Dead
From the pull of a needle
And the touch of a hand

Unedited

I'm tired. Tired into my soul. And I'm not that old...
But something in me wants to die.
Ask me again, I don't want to say,
or wonder, why once more
you want my thoughts and prayers.
Why, once again I must see my son dead in my mind, and why
you won't ask how that kills my hope
and leaves me tired in my soul.

Unedited...

I came here to write this down, because
******
"I can't close my eyes, and make it go away"
U2. Listen. If you can. S/he died from a bullet.
I can't think that away.
My prayer is tired.
And I wanted to write this down.

Unedited.

Lines
Lines in the corner
Of my eyes
Of my mouth
Mark my difference
The change in you
Everyone sees but lies
You were told who I was
But you refused
When offered
Everything I gave, I left
And it became stale, and broken
Then I could no longer breathe
As I became the color
Of my father

Can you smile
And be a proud man?
Can you cry for the guilty
And look him in the eyes?
Plastic patches, and grafts,
And still, a real man

Enemy, my enemy inside
Do you need death?
Pain, the punisher brings
The hands of the man
The hateful heart
And I am not immune

Flowers die, in time
Flowers fall, in failing
But this is the high summer
Of a true king
Judgments made, judgments bringing
The punisher to earth

I speak of a river
And of moving its path 1,000 miles
Water to the desert floor
As a lake will become a desert
Flowers now grow in the dryness
On the lakebed, a forest burns

Changes
Echoes
Rain
Dust
Tears
Of a proud man

I remember morning breakfast
In a small, cold kitchen
My sister voice
Mama says, he's leaving

I had to look up
I remember the ceiling was almost white
Spotted with old bacon grease
I had to look up

Arms up bye daddy
Hugs and kisses
Bye bye and my arms
Were up, and empty

His eyes were cold
Cold, my sister voice
I looked close at his expression
Lowered my arms, and they remained empty

Where did my story go?

Slither and then scurry
Away, like a creature
That hates the light
An old filament glows
The shadows change
But never leave

Where did my story go?


I left it where
I can see
My other senses
Desert me
I need to feel
My ****** fingers are numb

Where did my story go?

Slide down the wall
Sitting in dusty footprints
Let it go dark again
Wait for an alarm
Wait in the shadows
And wonder

Where did my story go?