I stood,  my collar tightly drawn 
as sea spray brushed my skin
and gazed towards the choppy waves and all that lay within.

Gulls circled right above my head,
they wanted from my hand 
a salty bag of fresh, cooked chips
so I dropped one on the sand.

The first gull dived towards me
followed by his friend 
and then they ALL flew at me!
I thought it was the end!

They all seemed so much bigger
as they descended down,
their screech of war was deafening!
I chose to make for town!

I turned to run away from them,
So scared, as you would be!
But now the gulls were closer still
I felt their beaks on me!

They snatched and ripped out clumps of hair and one snapped at my ear!
I thought I'd die, I really did!
My heart was full of fear!

I swung my arm and slapped a beak, 
grabbed legs and dealt some blows
and then the biggest gull of all 
was hanging off my nose!!

It looked at me with angry eyes
and squeezed my nose with hate,
I scream so loud they must have heard me at the village fete!!

I grabbed its neck to give a twist 
but before i could **** it dead,
it flipped its feathered torso up 
and landed on my head! 

It's gang had now surrounded me,
their king perched up above.
All because the greedy sods 
wanted what was in my glove!

They took a menacing step closer,
they looked like they could ****!
Their beaks were set for fighting,
their war cries now quite shrill.

I needed to get out of this, 
Or I was in real trouble!
More local gulls had heard the fight 
and numbers were almost double!

I threw the chips away from me
as far as I possibly could,
the gulls would surely follow them 
and I prayed to God they would!

My nose was ******, 
my ears were sore,
I'd lost some hair, it was on the floor!
I ran like a madman holding my head, 
howling like a baby and needing my bed. 

I hid beneath my bedroom covers,
shocked by what had occurred,
who would believe such injuries
were caused by a ****** bird?!

I'll never visit the seaside again, I've moved to the big bustling city,
those crazy gulls have left me scared, 
and the scars are not that pretty!

Stop the traffic, halt the cars!
Close the local schools and bars!
Hush your children, lower your head!
Don't you know that he is Dead?

Dim the Sun! Silence the birds!
Share with them these tragic words!

He's Dead! He's Dead! He's passed away! God took his soul this very day!

Draw the curtains, stay inside!
Don't come out, your time to bide!
The whole wide world is now in mourning,
Tell the sun, delay the dawning!

Life can never be the same,
From smiles and laughing, we now refrain.  
The Undertaker's here to take
The only man who could truly bake.

He's Dead! he's Dead! He's passed away! God took his soul this very day!

The women wept, the children scared,
the men just held their heads and stared.  
The dogs lay quiet, the horses still,
as though they knew of poor Ole Bill.

The Township lost it's heart that day and now that he was dead,
the people walked around a-daze,
their guts a-fill with dread...

... their Baker was forever gone and with him, all the bread.

The frail old men in their outworn coats
Held tight to the rail and stepped into their boats,
They took their seat and unhooked the rope
And drifted off on a sea of hope.
One by one they came and went
Their time on earth completely spent
They floated over dreams of youth
And lessons learned with painful truth.
Long ago love and folk forgotten
Hurt and loss from wars begotten
Failures bared and guilts unhidden
Of dark delights and treats forbidden.
Until the calm accepted dawn
Of what once was since man was born
Their little boats now bound for shore
To where the rail stands once more.
And from the boats their souls arise
And float up slowly to the skies
Where each and every one deemed worthy
Has completed life's long journey.

When he goes away, my heart bleeds,
When he says goodbye, I break
When he stands there with his bags packed,  
my tears could fill a lake.

When he gives me such a manly hug
And holds me in his grip
I feel like using super glue,
his embrace will never slip.

But here I stand, accepting things,
Feet frozen to the floor,
As I kiss goodbye, my only Son
Who is on his way to war.