i really miss the times i shared with you those twelve-hundred dollar days.
in the rain, we'd have soaked our clothes but there were always fresh ones to greet us at your mother's door.
you'd wear the warmth and i, the linen.
and we'd remain silent til the day grew dimmer.
the cold would caress me then, so i'd ask for your shirt.
you'd comply reluctantly; your skin's not so used to the wind.
til you realized you could hold me instead.
we seemed to fit like accidents.
the scent of your collar always bothered my conscience, but didn't affect my sight.
so i held tightly to the love i found over-night.
til it lost me to the rain again.
and i floated among the floods.
alone; content

I pride myself on differences,
but know at heart we're all one
I tried to do the dishes,
but only two knives made the cut.
Now I wonder if I can
accomplish more than thought possible
judging dull wounds in grunting cans;
feeling pistol grooves and wrist slitters,
I am at home again.

Lying, mining, dying figure heads
make their way to the foot of my bed,
and ask if they may lull me to sleep
with dreams of pneumonia and epilepsy.
I ask them to politely leave,
but they perch on boasting names of society,
reciting to me, too condescendingly,
"surely, we know better than you."
Now all of their heads fit askew.


Save the money and excuse for material attachment.
Keep running through your doll houses.

I pull on my hair to make it grow.
You pull on heart strings to teach a lesson, I suppose
we're in the same sinking boat.
But you are my vital poison.
My body collapses- a muted a noise and-
each time I awake perfectly poised
at your feet and frozen mouth.
How will I ever make you love me now?

Life's a Hawaii postcard
pleading, "go experience the vibrant colors."
There's more to see beyond the rainbow trees,
but they'll still satisfy most cravings.

Every threaded fiber of my being
keeps me pondering
if cells are just too shy to speak,
or if they've always spoken through me,
whispering, "scratch to win the lottery."

I want to write children's books,
and release doves from hidden cages;
watch awe wipe over next generation;
use my candies as their safe haven.
Away this world that have caused them pain-
I Am its new name.

Affection is a mistress of mine.
I still crave her like sunlight.
stare into her eye until I am blind
She's addicting even after she harms you.

I'll keep my heals neck deep
in anxiously wading water.
til I sing it into deep sleep,
its current pulls me under.
and I am at home again.

our bodies used to twist in a perfect helix
the leading and lagging strands of life
if one tried leaving, the other
would keep us intertwined
and we'd
function properly; happily holding
the fragile secrets of our combined mind.

but you've become more reserved since you landed that job
our stability founded itself in you
and my surface, cracked and deeply flawed
was easily broken through
life bids me
a life not-so-complete
and you
all the powdered power left in the withering hands;
once so happily intertwined.

what is the use of worry if it is all conjured in your head?
daily, i look around and preceives humans
so lost in the meanings they were taught
by nothing.
seemingly
obviously
nothing.

so angry is the man who broke his phone.
the one who's got work to attend
and social status to upkeep

so lost is the mother in the mist of her children
"they don't listen" she claims
"they bother my sleep"

so sad is the child who father's unknown
maybe your mother was a *****
maybe she didn't want you to know.

what i ask is why we bother being upset about things because culture wrote
some rule book
things that are so rile in comparison
to all things
and especially
the stars in the night sky.

I've run to the edge of the earth to a place i find dear
because it does not convey to the rules we all adhere
i brought a secret with me, must wait three years to tell
apparently, our difference means we're going to hell.

but i find value in you, in your words, in your smile
to live alone, without you, already seems so defile.
I've become accustom to you, and to whatever you may say
but my happiness is one that i must delay...

so i keep you hidden, very carefully, under my shirt
you say you can't breathe, i say air would hurt worse
you stand up to leave, i assure a safe drive
a crash is not what i intended, but it's what had arrived

we flipped through our memories, still untold and true
a tear left my eye, but i'm not sure about you
i guess it was fate, this crash, our love's halt
your car is now totaled, but it wasn't our fault.

I lost track of the time, for your eyes
weighed me down with cinder blocks
the world couldn't budge me, so why
oh why would i ever let the clocks?

i was content with watching you,
though i was sinking every second i stood
into the cage they crafted
from their home grown cherry wood.

though the design, it flattered me
the caring details neatly carved
they left you outside, to leave
and me inside to starve.

buried in my chest, a young lass sleeps
warm and safe in her haven.
not a thought goes towards her action.
she's merely a figure i created;
to convince myself she exists.

note the way her breathing
differs with the seasons.
now she's silent,
but soon she'll be screaming;
the influence of my vituperation.

i abhor my existence
yet i was swayed to adhere complacence
throw me onto the pathway
fade the blinds; for i have faltered.
I'm merely a drazel in distress
it would be ideal to slaughter all the rest.

my mind is at the altar
sacrifice, if i suffice. hang it high
and make a profit from your feigning saint.

love, i was told, i was told you must love me.
but contrary to that rule, you have forsaken my body
left, i left, i left years ago
so badly, i do wish, i could come back home
but a home is one thing you'll never let me have
I'm without a home; without a Dad.

i sat down in a place where my blankets met
it seemed like they wanted so disparately to for me to sit
i fell off of a kitchen stool
it laughed at me and said so cruelly
"you, you are not to be fed
you're head is so fat it just might **** you
my reply was "i'd rather be dead
no forced replies, no love, no virtue"

i crawled around 'til my feet let me stand
they were in a deep sleep, then they woke up and said
"your head is closer than your mind, child.
two feet off the ground, you're a beguiled child!
you'll be a king someday! carry us around
we'll be ALIVE, they say.
who cares if we push you down?
we'll be ALIVE, someday."

then, they gave out underneath
i was back to crawl upon my knees.
i tried to jump then changed my plea
i lied alone, no one accompanying me.
they decided to laughed and said so cruelly
"you, you were not made to fly
stay where you belong or it just might **** you"
my reply: "i'm not afraid to die
i've got no faith, few friends, and a body of vice"

Am i a part of a structure?
a piece too thin to be seen?
am i too absorbed...
to hear the voices surrounding me?
the one's mightier than i,
like the martyrs or the saints;
the loved and the brave,
they accepted me in their piece.

but why am i in the mist?
i, a ship that has sank;
an experiment gone rank;
a pebble on mont blanc;
i must be there
to complete the picture they've made.


and perhaps i'm part of mona lisa's smile.

What if there's a fire...
And only two men left
Would it be me that he chose,
Or me he'd second guess
Am i worth a second chance,
Or not even worth a stone
Could i afford a single breath,
Or would that leave me all alone

May i ponder his own being?
His smile, his laugh, his touch.
Or is it still in the making?
A mold no one should touch.
I could offer my hand,
But he said my voice would be enough.
Am i the love of your life,
Or a girl you couldn't get rid of

If i saught out to fight,
With all my might,
Build up steam,
Would the wind ******* over
Because all i could gather
Was equivilant to a leaf?

If i called the call close,
Took some notes,
Changed my plea,
Would it be worth a try,
To find a guy,
Who was no
Different from me?

Could i forget my venialia?
Take a trip through the stars.
With i person i felt worthful.
Had he chose me,
This world would be ours.

May i continue my search,
My nubivagant adventure?
Unaware of what is around me.
Looking for hope in the middle.
Of everything we all knew
Everything that could be.

I took my trip through the stars...
And came out
Empty