A wish that started so feeble
To do all things I was able
To cross the finish line of expectations
and keep on running.

But now after succeeding success
and excelling that again
I do the things I do
to protect the others

So they won't know the feeling
of having to be everywhere
at once
and not being able to.

To be expected by every superior
to be the best at everything
To step out and be the leader
because that's who you are supposed to be.

But to not only keep the others in the
blissful, peaceful, ignorant
dark.
I do it for myself.

Because there is nothing worse
than to disappoint.

War is everywhere.
Not only among our countries, but
in our communities, our schools, our homes.
From the bully down the block,
to the programs on our televisions,
it's everywhere.
But no one else seems to see it.
In a matter of two weeks
I witnessed mall shootings in Oregon,
attended a funeral to a man I knew,
along with hundreds of other people
to support a family who's lost.
In Conneticut, family after family was left
broken,
because of the missing pieces
starved,
of love from someone who wouldn't come home,
robbed,
of any sense of safety ever again.
And we,
all of us,
sit idly by
guns in the nightstand of our bedrooms,
gory video games consuming the lives of
children. Young, innocent children.
It makes me so sad to watch this all happen.
To hear all these voices, asking for change,
but no action.

I am suffocated by your love
Arms now constrict rather than protect
All you want is to be my everything
But I have more to live for than you
I am reminded every moment of your presence
even when you are not there
Eyeing watchfully over my shoulder
I wish I could tell you you love me as much as I
But in respect, I cannot lie
You are not a bad person, but a bad person for me
Ready to nestle down in to love
satisfied with what this is imminent to be
I'm not ready to be loved as much as you love me

I live in the shadows of the broken hearted.
Scars etched where my shoulder blades once lied.
Stuck deep with bloodied feathers,
that won't let me fly.
I carry a bow long and lean,
carved in it's opal flesh,
hearts mocking me.
With it lie my cursed arrows,
like a bad omen never to leave.

Not born in to life, but thrown
from Heaven was I,
to the grime of
a cracked planet, too far gone to survive.
To bestow love on the corrupt and broken,
the lost and hurt.
The kind of person I once was,
before I was murdered by God.
God is not as gentle and kind as you believe.
Flawed, human, and cruel.
Fragile and meaningless our life is to he,
demolished, and ended with ease.
God thought I would be missed the least.
That's why he chose me.

So now is my duty
to pierce the lonely, the loveless with my
****** arrows.
Give them the love, God never let me have.
I used to not watch the light that spread through their eyes
Electricity spark every nerve in their body
As my arrow ripped and tore
Redesigned their soul.
The pain was too much to bare.
I couldn't imagine seeing happiness so blunt,
so out of reach.
You see, I couldn't shoot myself with my own arrows.
There's no one I could fall for.
I've already hit the ground hard enough.
There's no where left for me to leave.
A sad reality I suffer, but the job must be done.
I must help the lonely ones.
Maybe next time I'll watch and see,
if the love in my arrows is really as strong
as I believe it to be.
I could see with my own eyes, the things I'll never have
and embrace the heartbreak and pain,
as luxary.

It's for the better.
This pushing away.
Even though it's the hard decision.
I can feel myself lift slowly,
from the muddied ground of
myself.
I'm becoming my own person again.
I make my own decisions,
and have my own opinions.
Because you're no longer there
to whisper in my ear.
No, you're not completely gone.
But the metal chains that once bound us,
are loosening as I pull
away.
Because the closer I get to you,
the further away I am from everyone else.
And I can't live like that anymore.
I can't live in my own bubble where all I think and
breath
is about you. Not anymore.
I couldn't bare another day,
to be alone.

What am I doing?
Am I throwing him away?
Am I scared for someone to love me,
when I believe there isn't anything to love?
Loneliness can drive a person mad.
Is there someone there to love you, when no one else does?
Does that person really exist?
In a world where cruelty is accepted as
normality.
It hurts more to believe than to accept.