A holocaust is happening

all around me every day

and everyone I know

seems to think that it’s okay.

I don’t know how to live in their world.

I just can’t go on this way.

I don’t want to alienate

my family and my friends

but there are defenseless lives out there

I feel I must defend.

No one ever understands

though I’ve told them time and time again.

I feel I am all alone.

I face each day all on my own.

I have no place I can call home.

I fear I never will be known

by those I have cared for.

How can I get close to people

who commit ****** every day

with the products that they purchase

and the money that they pay?

I know my purpose is to change their minds

but I don’t know what I can say.

There is this void that stands between

me and everyone else.

All those I know stand on the other side

while I stand on this side by myself.

Why am I fated to stand alone

just because I want to help?

How can this gap ever be bridged

when they won’t hear my pleas?

And how can this problem be fixed

when they refuse to see

that they way humanity has made the world

is not the way it’s meant to be?

No matter how hard it may become

I’ll sacrifice anything I must

to defend the lives of all of those

who humans take advantage of,

even if it drives a wedge

between me and those I love.

I need my conscience to be clean.

I have to live by my beliefs.

I see that may mean

that I will always be

alone in a sea of people.

On days like today when the weather is lovely

but I can smell winter in the air

I feel a sweet sadness deep down in my soul

for the beauty I wish I could share.

There’s a sense of dull aching inside of my heart

as I hear the wind’s breath in the trees

and I understand the way they must feel

as they mourn the loss of their leaves.

The times when I see that the world holds such wonder

are the times when I feel most alone.

I just can’t believe that I could ever manage

to withstand such beauty on my own.

On just any average unremarkable day

loneliness doesn’t seem quite so bad

but on days like this one, I feel I have lost

something wonderful that I’ve never had.

And it breaks my heart

to feel this way.

Why can’t I just be happy

on such a lovely day?

I just don’t know what’s wrong.

I feel so broken now.

Why do things of beauty

make me so sad somehow?

Each change of the season brings a new beginning,

an opportunity to make a new start.

And I want nothing more than to change with the season

and to fill up this void in my heart,

but that never happens. I watch the years come and go.

This same emptiness just lingers on.

I try to pretend that everything’s alright.

I try to pretend that I’m strong,

but inside I feel weak, so lonely and hopeless.

I wonder will this feeling ever change?

I dream that one day it’ll float off on the wind

or be washed away by the rain.

The waves roll over me.

Things seem alright and then suddenly

I find I can barely breathe.

I feel so lost and so lonely.

I sink to the bottom of

this ocean of things I’ve loved

but never were quite enough

to keep my head up above

the surface of these dark waves.

I close my eyes and I pray

that one day I will be saved

from this ocean that I have made.

I struggle and try to swim

but I’m just dragged under again.

if only I could find a friend

to save me from this state I’m in…..

I’m drowning

in my own despair.

I scream out

but there’s no one there.

I don’t know

if I can go on.

I’m so tired

and my will’s not strong.

I’m tossed and turned by the waves

as the shore slips farther away

and all the light starts to fade

as the night overtakes the day.

I fear I will always be

alone in this endless sea.

This may be all there is for me.

No one can give me what I need.

So I’ll keep drifting farther out,

slowly drowning in my own doubt

of myself and what life’s about

and wishing someone would hear my shouts.

I’m waiting

for a light to show

me if there

is a place to go.

I keep swimming

and searching for

a sign that

there is something more.

I feel such guilt

for the lifestyle of the human race.

We are destructive,

we are selfish, we are cruel.

I do all I can

to live the best way I know.

Maybe someday

if I can sacrifice

enough of the comforts of this life

then I will feel worthwhile.

I take it on myself

to compensate for their misdeeds.

I wish that I

could somehow separate myself from them,

and yet I know

that is something that can never be.

No matter what

I’ll always be a part of their society.

Sometimes I think

it’s better to live in the dark

yet I seek the light

though it hurts my heart and blinds my eyes.

I just have to

make myself aware

of all the pain and fear

we’ve been inflicting all these years.

Maybe if I know enough

about the atrocities of men

them I could find a way to show

them how awful they have been.

Surely these things,

that are so terrible to me,

can make other people see

how heartless they can be.

I went back

to the place where I grew up,

and there I found

hidden in the brush,

the remnants of my childhood.

There they were

at the base of that old tree,

rusted and broken,

and so caked with dirt that I could barely see

these things that I once loved.

Old toys and old places

tend to crumble with time.

Try if you want,

but you never will find

a way to return them

to the way they are in your mind.

In the memories of children

everything seems divine.

Don’t misunderstand,

please don’t get me wrong.

I have plenty of bad

and painful memories of when I was young,

more than I care to name.

But it’s just different

for children than it is for adults.

They have this innocence

that won’t let them understand what’s going on.

It’s their only defense.

Children know

how to see the beauty in everything,

and to overlook

the things that they don’t want to see,

things too ugly to face,

like depression and anger

in the people they love,

and all of the chaos

this world is made of.

They believe those sweet lies

people tell to the young,

and no matter how hard they fall

they always get back up.

I wish that I

could get some of that back,

and see more value

in happiness than truth and facts.

I miss that innocence.

Maybe then I could

start a new life for myself

and overcome

all of the hopelessness that I have felt.

I think that would save me.

I view my world through broken glass

it distorts everything I see.

Things that should be nice and comforting

all look dangerous to me.

Everything around me, everyone I know

is so twisted and unreal.

I’m living in this nightmare wasteland

where fear is all I feel.

I know this place is beautiful

I hear it all the time

but it just looks like a prison cell

to these broken eyes of mine.

All these strangers that surround me

I guess you’d call them family and friends

just make me feel like I’m a spy

who’s trying to act like one of them.

Is there somewhere out there I can go

that will really look like home?

or am I doomed to see only ugliness,

and to always feel alone?

Are there people out there in this world

who will truly be my friends?

who will love me and respect me

and on whom I can depend?

If I keep searching long enough

will I ever find a way

to see the beauty in this life

so I will have a reason to stay?

Or will I wander aimlessly

until the day I die?

looking for a place and a life

that I will never find?

I wish that I could see the world

for what it really is

but my corrupted vision

is a problem I don’t know how to fix.

For now I’ll keep pretending

to see things the way you do

and hope that I’m the one who’s wrong

and it’s you who sees the truth.

Your scars and your tears,

your addictions and your fears,

make you beautiful.

Your love

is such delicious poison.

I see the beauty of the broken in your eyes.

And I

can’t seem to shake this feeling

although your anger sends me reeling every time.

I know it’s not right

to stay with you all night

and watch you disappear,

into a thick fog of pain

and the chemicals you claim

bring you some relief.

And deep down I know

it’s better if I go

and let you find your way

to the light on your own.

I thought that maybe I could save you

but I just don’t know how to

and it breaks my heart

to see all the pain you live with

and the harm you cause yourself to ease it.

There’s nothing I can do.

My staying here’s not helping.

I wake up every morning

and I feel so lost.

Lately I just feel so useless.

I can’t stand to feel this hopeless.

It’s tearing me apart.

I don’t know how to tell you,

part of me still doesn’t want to,

but what else is there to do

but to walk away?