You were everywhere.
You were in the books I read,
You were in the songs I listened,
You were in the poems I wrote,
And you were even with me—
in my head, in my veins.
Everywhere I go,
You’re with me.
It seems impossible,
To even breathe without you.
I need you like I need cigarette at 3am.
I need you like I need coffee at 5am.
And it’s like my heart bleeding,
Knowing you don’t need me.
I'm all empty,
left bleeding by you,
who swore to love me.
But for you, I’ll bleed myself *dry.

I hate you.
I hate you for leaving.
I hate you for leaving me.
I hate you for telling me
You loved me before you left.
I hate you for taking my heart with you.
I hate you for leaving me alone.
I hate you for not telling me
When you’ll be back.
I hate you for making me wait.
I hate you for leaving doubts in my head.
I hate you.
I hate you,
Because **I still love you.

It took her
17 years to
realize that
monsters don’t
live under her bed,
but instead
within her.

It took over
Her mind.
It took over
Her body.
It was destroying her.

The pain of getting out
Of bed each and everyday
Was pushing intolerable.
It felt like she was
Shackled to the bedpost.

She felt heavy,
As if boulders were
Toppling over her.

They were the voices
In her head.
She fought the urge
To take the blade,
But eventually gave in.

She was screaming for help,
But her desperate screams were
Muffled and masked by
A forced smile and an ‘im fine’.
She was struggling to keep
Her head above the water,
But everyone was blind.

She fought the monsters,
Fought and fought,
And

Gave up.

She came into this world
By accident.
Never planned,
But her parents
Didn’t regret a thing.

She grew up with
Her hands stretched out,
Hungry for knowledge
And taking in
Everything she
Could reach.

She was only 9 years old,
When she saw both her parents
Screaming at each other.
She didn’t understand,
“Why are mummy and
Daddy fighting?”
She asked as tears
Started to fall from
Her eyes to her
Delicate skin.
Her parents sighed as
They knew it wasn’t
Working out.
Things were crashing down.

She was only 10 years old
When her daddy left her.
As he carried his bags
Out the door,
She cried,
“Where are you going, daddy?”
He left, without a word.

She grew up,
Without love.
She grew up,
Believing  that
Love is the problem.

She never trusted love.
She never wanted love.
She never needed love.

She was only 13
When she took
Her first puff
Of cigarette.
She was hoping
That her misery
Would fade away,
Just like the smoke.

She was only 15
When she was suicidal.
Nobody knew about
Her struggles.
Nobody knew
She cried herself
To sleep, wishing everything
Was different and simple.
Her wrist was like
Her own canvas,
Covered with scars,
New and old.

She was drowning,
In her miseries.
All she wanted
Was someone to save her,
Or least teach her
How to swim,
But no one did.

She was drowning,
As she watched
People around her
Minding their own lives.

Till this day,
She’s still
Drowning,
Still
Struggling.

And no one
Cares enough
To save her.

When are you
Coming home, dad?
I had been waiting for you.
When can I see you again?
Have you forgotten about me?
I thought I was your princess, dad.
My crown has fallen to the ground.
My castle has crumbled down.
Where were you, dad?
Where were you when I needed you?
Where were you when
Everything was falling apart?
Dad, why did you leave?
Have I been bad?
Did I do something wrong?
Why did you make mum cry?
Mum is still crying
And it’s making me sad.
Please come back.
I miss you, dad.
I promise
I’ll be a good princess.