ok - Hello Poetry

ok Jun 2013

They say it's a balancing act.
I believe it;
Being about feeling enough and tasting love but never accepting it,
because how fair is it to everyone you've ever used to watch you forgive yourself and let go of the demons we've stowed behind broken rib cages and promises of,
"I'll never hurt you again."
And we hate those people, but we are them, so how can I ever let myself be loved?

It's about going above and beyond but not overboard because they are different, one is expected and one is unacceptable, just ask the graduating class of 2014- nothing is ever good enough, not even your best.

It's about being real but fitting into the microscopic margin of acceptance and hair extensions and tanning beds and a shot glass.

It's about being yourself but not too yourself. Too much of anything can make you sick, you know.

I'm selfish and I'm sorry but it's human nature and I just want to be human.

ok May 2013

I'm afraid for you to read this.

I lost all respect for you the day you ripped out your own spine and buried it beneath the remains of our forgotten romance. As long as we can remember, you've been running from the constellations you roped in and scrawled on my shoulder blades, reciting every landmark with a reassuring confidence I tripped over on that rainy day a year ago. Remind me, dear, how I repulse you and stole your reputation right out of the coffin where you keep your rosary and restless demons. You refused the paper hearts I reluctantly crafted out of my fears and reckless dreams, so I remained weary and hidden in the corners of you cracked, rosy lips. I'm too tall for that roller coaster but I'm too short to be reached, and I know I'm easily read but I'm really tired of being just another road block on your way to the moon. That day, one year ago, I reinvented myself. You're done strumming my wrists and writing my story, tying this recurring nightmare into every ribbon of my plot, because It's mine and I shouldn't have to reveal myself to you, so I've been taking my time and raveling myself back into the real me where there is no recycling of hearts and all I have to worry about is repairing what you ruined with those three, ruthless words-
*I love you.

ok May 2013

Comfort in suicidal thoughts

Stop. Stop trying to save yourself, self prescription never works and we all know your sole reason for suffering is to look sad and beautiful.

ok May 2013

warning

if you decide to leave,
just know that I will
never again take a cool,
sharp breath or feel
a petal between the
tips of my fingers,
i will be too soaked
by the backfire of my
own words and the
direct cut from yours
to sigh and release
these demons you
helped wrangle last
summer. it was a low
point, sure, but I still
loved every minute
of our struggle and
if I was given the choice,
i’d still pick the July
with you on the too
hot lake and hot nights.
it's a motion picture
in the back of my head,
so if you ever see my
eyes roll back, don't be
caught off guard. It's
just a side effect of

You And Your Touch.

ok May 2013

You've made your bed

I will never forget the sound of
Getting buried underneath your sob stories laced with
Testosterone, evidence left behind on my collar bones
Like waltzing ghosts.
The reminder of what could have been is far more
Suffocating
Than being 6 feet under.
Your bony fingers search through me like a treasure map,
And x marks the spot below the thin layer of happiness
I've managed to imprison ever since the day you first
Liked what you saw and threw me through the windshield,
Shattering my ribcage into blades you'd use to bleed my heart out.
Now I'm hiding under these paper sheets while you try to find the old
Me, but she's long gone and these
Eyes won't tell a soul where my bandages are
Or how long I've been walking a straight line, repeating the same line
"Let me save you."

ok May 2013

I hate that this rhymes and I hate that it's necessary

Nestle me into the wall,
bulldoze me to sleep.
Rip out my spine and let me puddle at your feet.

ok May 2013

Find the constant

For just
a second,
can you not
remind me of
how I'm the reason
you're wilting and don't
feel like yourself anymore?
I'm living in this constant terror
of you finally accepting that I'm only
a burden, checking me off your to-do list
and tossing me into that box under the bed you
showed me when you first told me you loved me, filled
with everything you used to care about. I shouldn't feel guilty
but it's tearing the wall I spend my whole life building
down and now I'm a vulnerable mess, the detour
that got you lost in the first place. I don't
want to feel like a bruise that only
causes you to suffer, but the
pill that takes it away.
Is it possible for
me to be
both?