I wish I could break
Shatter into a million pieces
Of sharded glass, waiting to be stepped on.
Causing you to bleed wouldn't hurt me
Because I would already be broken.

This universe doesn't give a ****
Whether we're moving
Or camping out on life's sidelines.
The doers, in the end
Meet the same fate as the dreamers.

I want you to break me.
Work me until I fall apart
Until I can't take it anymore.
At least then
I will overdose on my need for perfection
Before I die of it.
You can take my needle from me
Before my heart stops beating.
Before it turns my blue vein black.

Then maybe I can stop craving
Everything that hopes to **** me off.

Everyday is hard for me
the thoughts the feelings
the desire and longing to it the end
and when will it end
How will this end
How can I go on like this

the lack of sleep is getting worse
the thinking and dreaming of dying and death
that live in my head
the hurting and pain never lefts me

I don't think anyone else
Can miss someone
The way I miss you
But if they do,
I'll tell them

"Be strong.
Hold on.
He's worth it."

The saddest hours
Are when I'm asleep
And you're awake.

When I'm dreaming
And you're not.

The convincing myself
I'll see you soon,
Not knowing
When "soon" is.

The kissing your picture
Before going to bed,
hoping you'd feel
The coldness of
My chapped lips
That are in need
Of your non-smoking
Ones' warmth.

The praying,
The hoping
That the next time
I open my eyes,
I see you
Sleeping beside me
With your heavy arms
On my chest.
You may make
It harder to breathe,
But who needs air
When I have your
Scent to inhale?

Even the most
Annoying things;
Your snore.
That keeps
Me up all night.

You may not know this,
But you were my
Favorite part of
The day.

But sometimes,
When I open my eyes,
I see you.
Sleeping, snoring.
Right there.
Then in a  blink away,
You're no longer there.

Ask me,
Ask me now daddy.
What I want to do when I grow up.
I want to be happy.
No, not happy
I want to be happiness.
I want to be joy and cheer and admiration
Confidence and peace and optimism

I don’t want to be like others, no, I want to be love.
The smile that comes across your face when they say your name,
The look that makes your heart skip a beat,
The song that makes you rethink every second you spent together.
I don’t wanna be the poem, I wanna be the emotion behind it,
Not the first kiss, let me be the nerves,
Not the dance, let me be the excitement,
Not the Officiant, let me be the vows.

When I grow up, I don’t wanna be a doctor mommy.
I want to be the feeling when someone’s told there’s a cure,
Or when a parent finds out their child will live to be a teenager,
Or maybe I want to be 3 in the morning when a mother holds her child for the first time.

I want to be affection and adoration and passion
Oh, I want to be passion.
Let me be passion.
So that you cannot do without me, because nothing without me has meaning.
So that when you are playing the final strain or scoring the winning goal,
Or writing the last chapter or finishing the last paint stroke,
You will think of me.

Maybe I’ll be allegiance or devotion or respect.
I won’t be the soldier, I’ll be the loyalty.
Or the surprise in a child's heart when their dad comes home early,
Maybe I’ll be the feeling when a father meets his baby for the first time,
And the child already knows his name.

I want to be piety and faith and worship.
I don’t want to be the pastor, I’ll be the lesson.
Maybe I’ll be the obligation behind the first baptism or first communion.
Maybe I’ll be the words when someone so low is told someone loves them.
I’ll be the salvation of the gospel,
The redemption to the guilty,
The forgiveness to the sinners.

When I grow up,

I want to be the opposite of sorrow,
The antonym of misery,
The reverse of fear,
The contradiction of rejection,
The antithesis of disappointment,
The inverse of insecurity,
I want to be the alleviation of anxiety,
The ease of pain,

When I grow up,
I want to be happy.

Bleeding out your scabs until the scars define you.
Your sighs confine you; itching to disperse.
Your spark is pity but the
dance of the flame exposes you.
The burn ignites upon you alone.
Even your shadows flee,
the drink awaits the final flood.
In death may you find your calling.

There is no drink or drug to replace your warm hug
love begins
love ends
sometimes in between but you're still my best friend in the end of this thing we call us