You told me you'd always be there for me,
so where the **** are you now?
Why are you never here
when I need you most?
I know you always push everyone away,
but I never expected you
to do it to me.
And I'm crazy one
for having the audacity to think
that I actually mattered to someone for once.
But the thing is,
I always overestimate
how much I actually matter to others,
and I know
that if I truly mattered to you
I wouldn't be so easily replaced.
You said that you were my best friend,
so why did you lie to me?

The first time you told me you love me
was when I told you I was going to **** myself.
You replied with "I love you"
and my heart felt this thing
that it had never felt before.
This feeling of being loved
so wholly and unconditionally,
this feeling I had been hoping for
my entire life.
The words "I love you"
feel a little bit like marbles in my mouth.
Not in a bad sort of way,
but in a not-used-to-yet sort of way
because these words
have never held such power
and carried such meaning
until now.
I have never said these words to anyone before you
because I have never felt this way for anyone before you.
Nothing can ever compare
to the connection that's between us.
So just know
each and every time I say those three words
"I love you"
I mean it with my whole heart
and all of my soul,
and I know we're both young
and each a little bit broken,
but you're the first
and the last
I'll ever love.

I will burn for you
when the stars lose their light,
I will be your full moon
guiding you home.

I have this constant longing
for the taste of your lips
because when you kiss me
the world stops spinning.
I've always heard that people
are the most addictive drug
but I never believed it
until I met you.
I get lost in your eyes
every time I look at you.
I am so addicted,
I crave you
in every way imaginable.

I understand that your past
prevents you from letting me in,
but it's so hard
for me to try to find a crack
in the walls you have built up.
I'm constantly searching,
every minute
of my every waking hour
is spent trying to earn your trust,
trying to show you
how you mean the world to me.
No,
you're more than the world to me.
You're my entire universe,
so full of wonder and beauty.
Filled with constellations
and wormholes,
you're more
than mankind can comprehend.
I need to be that astronaut
that makes the giant leap.
I need you to let me in,
I'm sick of floating free
in the dark void of space.
I need you to amaze me
with all of your secrets,
show me
all of the unexplored regions
that are hidden deep inside
your farthest galaxies.

You don't notice
how lost I've become
in trying to see who you are
and who you want to be,
because I want to know
every last version of you.
I want to see your darkest parts,
the ones that you keep hidden away.
Even the ones you've kept buried in the backyard
that have never seen the light of day.
I want to see your brightest parts too
I want to see them shine
like the stars
that I know you are made up of.
I can only hope
that one day
you will remember me
as the boy
who has held every version of you
close to his heart
and loved them all the same.

**** me slowly,
make it painful.
Inject your sickly sweet poison
into my veins
so you can rip me apart
from the inside out
one last time.
Return me to my home
six feet underground.
Drag out my suffering,
I want to end my life howling
like the animal
I have been forced
to become.