she looks in the mirror
she is so depressed at what she sees
stretch marks everywhere, even though she's never given birth to a child
rolls of stomach fat, which no matter how much she sinks in, won't go away
her thighs touch, there is no gap in between
her face looks swollen, the baby fat came back
her arms are huge, and no not in the strong kind of way
she hates herself

thick girls want to be skinny
skinny girls want to be thick
all girls have something that they hate about themselves
but weren't we all created to be different?
aren't we all beautiful?
can we make it to where body positivity is truly a thing?
who in their right mind made it to where girls have to feel this way about themselves?
because all sizes are beautiful, who gives a **** what they say

I've been through a lot
If that makes me weird
So be it..

Why me?
I ask myself as I continue to deal with the abuse..
No, not physical abuse
But with physical abuse the scars and bruises can heal
With mental abuse it messes with your mind forever..

And after
everything
you have put me through

I'd still do
everything
for you

I'll love you until..
Plankton stops going after the Krabby Patty formula
Sylvester stops trying to eat Tweety Bird
The Smurfs stop singing
Tom stops going after Jerry
Bugs Bunny stops saying "What's up Doc"


But why don't you feel the same?

Like a toy
You played with me
And once you got tired of me
You threw me away

Hating someone for their skin color
Is like hating a certain color of skittles
Don't you know
All skittles are the same flavor
The colors just represent different smells for the flavors
That make people assume they're different..

I wear my heart on my sleeve
And then I wonder
Why they take advantage of me...

Like a flower
I once bloomed
But now
I wilt..

Why am I surprised?
You disappoint me yet again.

When will I ever be enough for you?
When will you ever actually care?

Will you ever realize that I love you?
Or will I constantly stay disappointed?

A love so true and full of life
He was so sweet to her
She was in love with only him
They both loved each other

And after they got out of school
He signed to go to war
She said goodbye and said love you
And he said "love you more"

For a long time he'll be away
She'll really miss him so
Writing letters is what they'll do
So love with them will show

And later she wouldn't write back
And he did not know why
So then he planned to visit her
He told the army bye

He was ready to go on home
For he was almost there
He made it home and went upstairs
To see a love affair

His heart was broke he was so shocked
She called out his name
Her voice was like a sweet ol' pie
But hurt him like a flame

He left the house so full of hate
He couldn't even stand
Trying to think how this was it
He didn't understand

In his car he fired his gun
The pain he could not bear
He didn't care to **** himself
He didn't think she'd care

She saw him there and burst in tears
She suffered with the sight
For days and days she drank and drank
The pain was very bright

Then she said she could not stand
The pain she had to feel
It hurt her bad she couldn't sleep
The wounds just wouldn't heal

She took a rope and hung herself
She was so full of blame
Now both of them has killed themselves
Their pain was both the same

His heart was broke he was so shocked
She then called out his name
Her voice was like a sweet ol' pie
But hurt him like a flame

You're not gonna hurt me
Try to desert me
This is not gonna work
This is not what I deserve
So it's time to move on...

I think you like inflicting pain on others
You only care about yourself

You sicken me

What is Love?
Can it actually be defined?

Is it just a mere reason to satisfy our childish desires?
Is it just a way to fill our lonely hearts?

Or is it a way to just end up suffering from heartbreak?
Can you actually tell me

Isn't it crazy?
As kids we were scared
Of the monsters under our beds
But little did we know
The monsters
Were all around us...

You make me so weak
Like a sickness
My body aches and trembles
Just to be close to you...

I just want to be loved
Loved like I deserve
But I keep looking for
The love that only hurts

Your heart is so cold
I wonder how it's still beating.

I want to run away
Where to and what for exactly?
Well I haven't quite figured that out yet

I look at myself in the mirror
That reflection that stares back at me
I have no clue who it is

I don’t know who I am anymore

I look around
I am lost
The world is spinning
I am not myself

I can't be happy
I want to be alone
I can't focus
I am not myself

It is hard to wake up
It is hard to face the world
I have no energy
I am not myself

I think terrible thoughts
I am not good enough
There is no positive
I am not myself

constantly alone I have felt all of these years
I have always been on the outside
I look for love and someone to love me
little did I know
I have never actually known what love is
and it is all toxic

And in a split second
All of the happiness you have finally obtained
Can all disappear
And your world
Can come crashing down..

pain is how it started
he just wanted to take away the pain
once he started it
he couldn't stop
it took away his pain

but then it lead to being completely lost
trying to stop, but the sickness took over
shivers and fevers
vomiting and aches
nothing in the world feels worse

more pain is what it caused him
he's back to trying to take it all away
he has lost everything
he is completely lost
and all because he just wanted the pain to go away

You yell
You cuss
You degrade me
You put me down

"I haven't done anything wrong"
"I don't understand why you're upset"
"You're crazy"
"You have no reason to be upset"

Is mental abuse not a thing?

"Think positive" they say
"Stop stressing, cheer up"
"Think about something else"
"Maybe try talking to someone"

I don't think people really understand what depression and anxiety is like
It's hard to explain, but let me tell you a little something about it..

I hate myself
I can't look at myself in the mirror
I don't like taking pictures of myself, because they'll never be good enough
No compliment will ever make me change my mind

I can't breathe sometimes
My heart races and feels like it's going to beat out of my chest
Sometimes I can't sleep and the nightmares are real
I can't even get out of the bed sometimes

I cry in the shower, in the car, in bed, everywhere
Sometimes I stare blankly when no tears come out
My mind always wanders to awful places
I try to keep busy, but sometimes it's no good

I hate going out because I hate being around people
I feel like everyone judges me
I care about everyone else's opinion too much
I don't like to bother anyone

I stress over everything
No matter how much people tell me they love me, it's hard to believe it
It's hard to look at the positive
I feel like I'm drowning

Never feeling good enough
Always feeling lost
Wishing to take the pain away
Wanting to be alone

Please tell me that you honestly believe that depression isn't a serious mental illness

Like that glass you poured back fast
I am empty..
You just want to feel a buzz
And I just want to feel anything..

Isn't it crazy to think about death?
Death is inevitable.
It's a scary thought.

It's scary to know that one day we won't be here.
It's scary to know that we are going to lose our loved ones.
It's scary to know what actually happens to us after death.

The crazy thing is, one day there will be nobody left on Earth.
Life is short.
Why do we try so hard to be remembered?

God created us all in his image
Skin color and all
So what makes you think
Your skin color is dominant

It's so crazy that
There are so many things
In the universe
That we simply don't understand
And won't ever
Truly understand..

Why are you sad?
They ask
I'm not, I say
I don't feel a thing..

Life is so hard
We all want something to believe in
To take away the pain
Of this thing called life..

I had a dream after I lost you
And this dream was so real

Were you trying to talk to me?
Were you trying to help me?

When I lost you, I was empty
I have never felt a sadness like this before

My depression became worse
I felt like I couldn't breathe

When you came to me in that dream that one night
I remember it all

We were walking down a meadow
I saw you standing on the other side

I walked towards you
I called your name

We were both dressed in very nice clothes
You grabbed my hand

"Where are we going" I asked you
"To mamaw's funeral" you said

As we started walking to head there
I looked over at you and you were smiling

And then you started to fade away
And you told me

"Don't worry everything is going to be okay"

As I travel these vast roads
I see so many different faces
Nobody knows what the future holds
Everyone comes from different places

I see a happy family in a pretty white house
The Dad pushes his daughter on the swing
You can see the love from his spouse
But what kind of story does this family bring...

like liquor
the taste of you
sends heat racing through my body
i am completely out of this world
the excitement is unreal
i don't have a clue what's going on
it's great
but i know it doesn't last
and it's not healthy

There you go
Breaking my heart again..
I should expect it by now
Right?....

You made me feel
On top of the world
But the world
Was actually small…

isn’t it crazy
we read on the internet that someone has died
it gets shared and it’s all you hear about for a day or two
it’s so sad to even go on the internet when that’s all you see
but then the next day
everyone moves on
and it’s like
that topic of the day is over with
onto the next

Trying to love myself
Is like trying to push a door
That clearly says pull

I want to find myself
But I don't know how...

just like glass
baby I am so fragile
be careful with me
for I am easily broken

I stare in the mirror
And all I see
Is a girl I hate
Staring back at me..

I have been told..
"Only the crazy see things"
Or could it really just be
Our minds playing tricks on us?

I don't think we get to choose who we fall in love with
I think it's meant to be that way
And then you realize
You finally found the person that was created for you