there's this sense i think i lost
although i have never quite acquired it
i often think about
well, odd things
consisting of book dust
from utter boredom
head in hands - but as
a child, small hands
and awry thoughts
leading me away
like a balloon on a string

there's something i think i need
overhead lighting
constant sun
endless reading
and some type of joy
that doesn't run out

i do what sounds good
and i think i think too much
so i simply ignore
my head screaming from
the end of the precipice

i've probably seen god
in between the clouds
under astroturf
and between bits
of gravel
scuffed loose from
my impatient feet

this dullness is blissful;
this woollen blanket
that drapes over my eyelids
so hard it compresses
my eyelashes
mouth smothered
by the sheer weight
of it all
lungs pleasantly depressed
head pressed to the side
and breathing steady.

something serious
tapped out on the window
morse code on
insulated walls

something strange
seen today
under a hedge
akin to
a bottomless pit

something strange
in the air;
breathed in
swept inside my lungs
sticking like asbestos
turning my very veins
grey

the universe played a cruel trick on me
pulling over wool
harvested from deceit, over my
guileless, unharmed eyes

the universe did me a great disservice
by placing the letters in your name
into each word i speak

the universe did me a great shame
i see a face like yours
behind every windowpane

i set each vigil of you on fire
and embrace the pain

i am aware
night stripping me bare
of each sentence that
keeps me sane
i think too much,
ruminate,
over said words
turning them into
busted quilts
i am aware
that they have lost their worth
i am aware
that they no longer have any meaning
i am aware
and yet my consciousness
defies me,
threads slipping through the cracks
and corners
of my mind.

no strings attached
snipped on the cloud
that connects us all

no miles to catch
when the train has
broken down

no need for worry
when the mind has
run out of endorphins,
utterly sapped
of all of its glory

no need to keep any strings
for they get entangled,
and as a result,
bring you closer

you have me strung up
peyote style, all twisted and
crammed into each crevice
of my compressed, unforgiving,
dastardly mind

i wake up
in a living hell, and i sleep
dreaming of you; each thought
looming on the precipice
of my mind
is all about you

i hate this codependency
absence making the heart grow fonder
when there wasn't a distance
in the first place
i dislike the way i feel
vagus nerve twisting into
a peyote bracelet, interlocked
i am not sure when
this will end