Wednesday Emminger

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

Each picture you take
plucks a moment out of time
an eyelash you can't buy back
It's blown away in the breeze,
but you believe that you've captured it,
a memory held still forever.

Young man, you have no more power to seize a moment with a memory card
Than you do to keep love behind bars.

But waste your time if you wish,
Watching the world through your viewfinder
You can't rewrite those adventures
The colors will never be as bright,
The memories are facades.
Stop wasting your time
And live.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

I can't get over him

Its vines spread
Covering the ground that I carelessly tread over
a death trap to uncovered ankles,
not wanting to notice, turning a blind eye to
the poison that takes hold
Grabbing my skin, slithering up my legs
eating away the arrogant victim
Trip. Fall face first
Onto the dirt
vines and thorns, wrap around my arms
every inch of skin shown, poisoned
rubbed against the oils
Home, I discover the disease
itchy patchy red, not even calamine calming
my Incurable itch.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

My First Time

It was my first time
I was fifteen years old
And it was 8 inches.
Eight. Whole. Inches.
Laying motionless in my hands,
Long and lifeless as I stared excitedly, nervously
My first ...haircut
I spun around in the salon chair to see my exposed jaw, shoulders, neck
Holding in my hands a ponytail that would soon be sent to Locks of Love
My first legitimate haircut, not the simple snips my mom would attempt in the bathroom when split ends were too unbearable,
A real style
Back straight and shoulders proud,
Uncertainty left on the tiles beneath the feet of beaming confidence,
Leaving dead the sheet that covered scared eyes and shy smiles…ever since I've developed an addiction to change,
Can't leave it the same for more than two months
And the chime of the door behind me opened endless opportunities:
Brown, auburn, gold, red, blond, yellow
Black
Brown black, blue black, soft black, natural black, always back to black
Straight, curly, layered, cropped, feathered, fringed, shaved
Undercut, mohawk, faux hawk, that weird thing where I gel it to the side and kind of look like a boy...

And yeah, sometimes I get sick of the sexist comments
People telling me I've got a boy's haircut
That short hair is for men, but
So were the olympics and voting and public education and getting published,
And thriving in the workplace and wearing pants,
And god knows im not going to give up either my Levi's or my razor
I'm not going to keep worrying; man's words will stop me from doing what i love
And I've been called lesbian, boyish, butch, manly, androgynous, anti-effeminate,
But I know I don't stand alone.
So thank you, Natalie Portman, P!nk,
Rihanna, Katy Perry, Anne Hathaway,
Kaley, Megan, Erin, Kim, Skylar
I don't know all of you well,
But the risks you've taken with your hair
Are an inspiration to those who care
So short haired women,
Keep doing your thang.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

Yogurt

I live every day in fear
Of being pulled down your genetic rabbit hole
To tumble and fall into the pile of pills you unsuspectingly drown in
Numbing your mind, clouding your eyes
They slip them into your yogurt when you arent looking
And so you spoon feed it to yourself,
Bit by bit
You swallow and smile
It's delicious, isn't it?
They they don’t know its not a choice
You were born to drown,
Whether in a pile of pills that clouds your eyes and slows your body
Or in uncontrollable emotion contorting your reality and killing your melodies.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

Last Sunset

The frothy waves reflect everything
As they are kissed by the pale blue sky and the liquid gold that descends on the horizon
The waves start of as graygreen, then white as they crest
And as they extend for their five second lifespan on the dark sand
They turn a brilliant baby blue touched with a burning orange of the now fading sun.

I watched and waited
Anticipated what might happen when you pulled into the parking lot
Cold hands shoved deep into my pockets, feeling around for what I was supposed to say
Ideas ping-ponged back and forth but no poetry escaped my pursing lips
Even as you pulled into the parking lot,
Let your engine cough and sputter like all the things that I tried to say to you that night
Tried to hide inside myself as I sat in the passenger seat
Confused, conflicted, jaded, manipulated
I let my mouth run like the Nile,
But it didn’t matter a word I said…

You were beautiful like the ocean
But unlike the frothy waves that reflect the pale blue sky and liquid gold that they are kissed by
You reflected nothing as you pulled away from my lips
Your hands still wrapped around my waist
Tugging at my jacket’s zipper
Because I already bare my soul, so why not bare my body, too
For you…I wouldn’t have thought twice
Following the advice of my two best friends,
I was more naughty than nice for once in my life I went in for the **** and I got
Stabbed
Clearly it was a simple and sincere mistake to make
Out with your best friend
and into the pants of her closest classmate, mister I-don’t-date-friends:
I hope you’re happy how this ends.
The sea swallows the sun
Leaving only but a pale orange afterglow.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

I'm Still Searching

Its not that
My fingers weren’t long enough for piano
or I wasn’t graceful enough for ballet
or quick enough for cross country
or stealthy enough for soccer
When I really think about it,
The going got tough, and I got going
Leaving behind what I had worked on
I would
Abandon my temporary dream for something
New

I still do.

But I do know
That one day I'll find the thing that fulfills my deepest dreams
I’ll have the confidence to power through, to chase after it like nothing before
Because it wasn't the disturbing difficulties that destroyed my desire to continue
Or frustration with frequent failure
It was the most dangerous feeling of all
Boredom

All good things come to an end
But one day I'll find the thing that continually kicks me to go further
And I'll chase it until the day I sit on my porch step
Flipping through photo albums while sipping on ice tea and age old wisdom
Telling my great granddaughters to chase whatever waterfalls they wish.

Something old, from high school.

Wednesday Emminger May 2013

Friendship Wrecked

If loose lips sink ships,
We must have created a graveyard,
Glossy lips slipping sleepover secrets,
Chocolate dipped gossip crumbs that we ate up, but…
Overnight, something had happened
I awoke to find the horizon blackened,
Docks empty, so I set out searching because I heard that
Your ship sailed across some solemn sea
But when we
Met back up, ships anchored on unknown shores, I
Discovered we don’t know each other anymore
Because I arrived too early,
I came, saw, conquered, kept cool as I wondered
Where you sailed off too.
The buzz of your phone must not bother you,
And as the call goes to voicemail once again,
Your sunny voice sings and the beep beckons a message but I ran out of words when we went our separate ways so
Maybe we should stow our cannons and keep casting our sails
I’ve tried my best to meet you halfway around the world but
The tide is in and maybe its time we
Sever tie ties, cast off the lies roped down to the deck
Push them off the plank
Lighten to load or well never have smooth sailing…
I guess all I’m saying
Is that separation might be best,
Could breed success
Friend ships can come to an end
So sail on, silver girl
And maybe our ships will cross currents again someday.

— The End —