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724 · Apr 2012
an execution
Overwhelmed Apr 2012
I face my past tomorrow

with a bandana across my eyes
and a cigarette hanging
out of my mouth

I expect the worst
and
deserve the worst
and
I do not care

I am turning my back on what was
and turning forward to what may be

am I arrogant?
perhaps

but I feel it only fitting
to look back at all their angry
faces with knowing
smirk

laughing at them
for hardly expecting it,
and even more so for
not having a clue
why
723 · Mar 2011
a rare and beautiful thing
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
you will
always be
the object
of
desire

there is no price
that can be paid

no action,
nor tribute
can guarantee
your hand

you will
always be
the object
of
our desire

for you are like a
beautiful flower,
impossible to
pluck

you will
always be
the object
of
my desire

I’ve dreamed of you
long after
I thought
the fluttering things
in my heart
had died

and yet there they came
creeping up
all the way into my
brain
to wrench my heart
back as it once
had
721 · Feb 2015
wee morning song
Overwhelmed Feb 2015
coming out of sickness like a phoenix
(awkward, damaged, but passionately
aflame with the chances of a new life),
I drove in the early mornings, before
the sun could catch the glint of my eyes,
and listened to quiet music about worlds
unspoiled and dreams unperverted

at sixteen, I had just survived my first
battle with the end (the tumor was gone
but it took half my mouth with it) and
I didn’t know what that meant yet

nothing was good but
everything was better

the cool, dark air tingled my skin with
the strangeness of a blind man’s first
sight

the music helped
for the moment
uncomplete
720 · Oct 2014
poem for poets
Overwhelmed Oct 2014
is the poem a visitor
that the poet guides across
the river Styx
and into the afterlife
of the reader’s eye?

or is the poem a piece
of the poet that they break off
to share with the world
in hopes of understanding
but at the cost
of their wholeness?

or is the poem the energy
of the universe channeled
through both willing
and unwilling conduits
that you know best
as the poet?

or is the poem just words
scribbled purposefully
but for reasons uncertain,
created in a brief flash
of white-hot inspiration
or in a soothing release
of the dull, aching
need to create?

when the poem sits there,
steaming hot and fresh on
paper or screen, the poet
knows the answer to this
question.

ask them again, any other time,
and they could not tell you what
a poem is, just how they feel and
if the next one is coming soon.
720 · Apr 2012
a man named irony
Overwhelmed Apr 2012
“a great tragedy has befallen
the young people of
this generation”

“they are so trite,
so supercilious,
so full of greed,
and now, now,
now

“I miss the old days”

he said,
stressing each
syllable as if a thief
might steal them
away if he did not weigh
them down
enough

“when you were expected
to be something. have some
merit.

“everybody had to earn
their living.”

“but now all we’ve got shiny,
plastic crap and chrome finished
phones that do everything for
you”

“what ever happened to wood
and steel and agonizing work?

“I don’t I say”
with a shrug

“of course you don’t”

he said, like the millions
of other xenophobes so
afraid of the future they
aren't even aware of it

“you’re just one of
them
720 · Oct 2012
bitter-sweet
Overwhelmed Oct 2012
he was cursed to love everyone in the world
and he could do nothing but try and enjoy it
719 · Jan 2011
golden pain
Overwhelmed Jan 2011
truth
cannot be spoken
with a silver tongue
the way a lie
can be swallowed
by a shallow
throat

that is to say,
a lie can
be swallowed down
by the dumbest of people
without struggle or
pain

but,
the best speaker,
the most eloquent poet,
will always have trouble
making others accept the truth
because no matter how perfect
or pretty you make it,
that truth is still bitter
and even a blind man
can still taste it
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
I am tired
of being told
that I shouldn’t
express what
I think and
who I
am

yes,
I know it’s
in my best
interest

the world is never
ready for somebody
to challenge their
ideas

but I’m tired of that
this needs to happen
if I won’t speak up,
who will?

passiveness got me
no where

activeness has always
seemed to work

I know the risks,
the issues, what
can happen if I
go to far, but I
live in an age
where anyone
can say anything
and that alone
is worth exploiting

so I will say what I think,
what I believe in, how the
world should be!

I will scream it from the rooftops!
from the hills and in the valleys!
my voice will reign through the land

and as more ears turn
to face me and learning
sets in I will give one
fair caution to those
out there listening:

I may not be right,
I may well be wrong

don’t worship my prophesies
take them, and make your
own
716 · May 2011
prophets
Overwhelmed May 2011
it doesn’t
feel like summer

it doesn’t seem
like I can relax

it doesn’t look
like I have much to
smile about

the breeze can’t help me
the sun can’t help me
I can’t help me

this is to
put it simply

I’ve messed up

despite all my confidence,
all my work,
all my trials and former
accomplishments…

I get nothing

life is not any nicer
to kings than peasants

there is something wrong
with my tonight

something wrong
with time and mind
and body

there isn’t any difference

the morning awaits
just like today’s
but it should wait like
something new
and fresh
and
healing


but it doesn’t

the pattern of my entire
life lays out before me
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
the cross road
reads fear
my street
reads fate
and the paths I’ve been on
before read
depression, laziness, and elation

tall buildings
obscure my view
of that around
me but not
the sky
and as I look up
and down fear
street I can’t
see what’s
coming or
gone

standing on the corner of
fate and fear
I take one step onto
the pavement

I hear a horn honk
echoing out against all the
buildings
but I can’t see
anyone

I run down fate street
crossing fear
Overwhelmed Feb 2011
if you were to
look
upon me
now

you’d find
my door
so
open

my hands
are busied in
writing

my mind
upon my
door

if you were to
look
upon me
now

you’d find
no one
in my door
frame

but watch me write,
and watch me live,
and watch me exist
with my door open

watch me write
a poem about it

and watch those offenders,
those defilers,
those vagrants,
mock and defame me
like a criminal and
a god

and if you were
to look upon me
now

while the wind
rolls dust on my
doorstep

you would find me
all alone
listening to the sounds
of “you’re a loner”

if you were
to look upon
me now

you would see a man
silently answer

“yes, I am a loner,
yes, I know that quite
well,

but there’s
nothing
I can do
when I sit in my
room
and only the wind
will talk to
me”
711 · Feb 2012
what we wrought
Overwhelmed Feb 2012
do we ask for fire?

hell?
damnation?

to die as a thousand
nuclear war heads explode
amongst the clouds?

just because it would
leave a bigger crater?

are we lost
or
do we know our destination?

the oblivion we run
towards faster every
day

what happened to the watchdogs?

the presidents?
reporters?
priests?

are they chained?
muzzled?

or do they bark
at a different moon?

towards armageddon,
forward to the pit,
they howl

that is the place us
holy men must go

am I alone?
am I the last saint?

am I the only one who
can rise above to see
the treasure at the end
of this map?

or am I a man awake
amongst the zombies
fearful of the waking
world?

what have we wrought

what fire
hell
damnation

do we seek

what do we want?

to die?

or die knowing there is
something (if no-one)
to remember?
711 · Nov 2012
small
Overwhelmed Nov 2012
if you hold up your thumb
and cover any sliver of the night sky
you are ignoring ten billion galaxies
with all their trillions of stars
each one possibly containing planets
each one possibly containing life
each one possibly holding up their thumb
and removing you from their consciousness
just as easy as that
711 · Oct 2011
needing explanations
Overwhelmed Oct 2011
I doubt myself
but wonder
why

I think:
why do I think I will fail?

logos, nor ethos,
nor examination of the
past leads me to this
road and yet

I doubt myself
and wonder
why

I question myself
and ask questions like
what are you talking
about
what are your reasons
what is your purpose

but I do not answer,
I cannot answer,
the answers are locked
deep in tombs my conscious
does not even realize exist

they stand deep with my mind,
begging me to find them, open
their doors and release secrets
so that they may wither and
die in the sunlight

they doubt me,
asking
why

why not let us loose?
why do you ignore us?
why do you not find us
in the dark places you know
we are?
why are we alone?
why are we in the basement?
why are we starving for the
sight of ears and for the power
to destroy and/or create?
why are dying?

let us loose they say

my hand reaches the lock
but trembles in mid-air

I doubt myself
but wonder
why
710 · Jul 2010
lonesome ramblings
Overwhelmed Jul 2010
happy smiles on matching faces,
holding hands under an ancient
oak, watching the sun set in each
others arms, each day seems long
but not long enough

ageless words like their ageless
meanings bring to light what
good there is in all this bleak
mess

what I know without ever
experiencing
like reading a book about
a place you’ll never
go

sadness invades me now
the warm images fading
from my mind as the cold
norm returns in a raging
blizzard

the poem, as my heart,
sits worn in my hands
and without any idea
where to go I take a
step, dropping it to the
ground I’d already passed
710 · Apr 2015
talked down
Overwhelmed Apr 2015
as it turned out,
I was at the edge because
I thought there was no one
who could talk me down

I hope I remember that
next time
Overwhelmed Dec 2011
shame sits on
my couch
eating a
doughnut
complaining about how
the girls in horror
movies are
always
dumb ******

I can’t remember the
last time
I saw him
but
he looks
good

must have made some
strong woman cry her
heart out

that would make
anybody feel
good

it always amazes
how quickly he moves
in

setting up his cot
near the fire-place,
his toothbrush in
the bathroom, and
taking anything he
wants from the
fridge

not that I do much
to stop him once
he gets in

if he gets in

that’s what I’m good
at

keeping him out

most of the time
I just ignore him

sometimes he doesn’t even
show up

but sometimes he gets in
and I’m in no shape to
play his games
and
so I just lock myself
in my room
while he yells at
the television

oh well,
I think

he’ll leave soon
enough

off to ****
with a weaker soul
or perhaps just
kick a drunk
while he’s
down
709 · May 2011
while she was missing
Overwhelmed May 2011
all this ****
from my past
started coming
up

so I thought
**** it
I’ll just get it over
with

so I got my dad’s gun
and thought,
ok,
if I haven’t done it in a week
then I guess I’ll just put it back
and go on with things

short of it is,
two days later my dad
noticed that his .45 caliber
hand-gun  was missing
and instead of ya’know,
talking to me,
ya’know,
like a normal person,
he called the
cop

I got escorted off campus
by officer Williams
I thought everybody saw me
but I guess not

I spent a week in a mental hospital
that was a load of bull-crap
they said I had to be there three days
then the lady wasn’t there till Monday
then Tuesday
then they said I would be home Wednesday
and now I’m obviously talking to you
and I’ve only been home like two hours
and it’s Wednesday evening
load of bull-crap

so anyways,
I’m on these new pills
supposed to help with depression
and anxiety and stuff

I even missed Bin Laden being killed
that ******

there’s a ban on newspapers
and books in there
but I got special permission
and got a paper

hehe,
so yeah,
**** those guys

I don’t know,
I had all these texts
from random people when
I got out

like really random
like Sujin even texted me

I don’t know,
I’ll be in tomorrow,
I expect hugs
I miss hugs,
nobody’s hugged me all
week

ya’know they didn’t let me have music either?
yeah, I missed music,
yeah, this week really
******
706 · Mar 2012
the shore
Overwhelmed Mar 2012
I dream of a shoreline,
endless, not silent
but quiet-

birds caw out on the ocean,
waves break as the sun sets,
salt smells rush into my brain
and for some reason I smile

this is what I dream of
a peaceful place
a simple place
constantly in motion
but never seeming
to change

too long I have been adrift
too long has my world
been tossed about

it is time to find that shore,
build a bungalow by the sea,
eat shellfish, walk to the market,
write poetry about nature,
and make love whenever the
mood strikes

it is time to be myself,
living along a tragically
impossible dream
705 · Sep 2011
let winter come
Overwhelmed Sep 2011
let winter come,
I say,
we all want the cold
and the silence.

this summer’s been
too brutal,
this heat has frayed
our nerves

we’re done caring
we’re done feeling
we all want to be
numb

jackets, fires, and
family are much more
warmer than the sun’s
ungodly light

so let winter come,
I say,
let the world be quiet
and its people take some
time to heal
705 · Jan 2011
mars bar
Overwhelmed Jan 2011
a coke,
some groceries,
and a
mars
bar

I pay
and walk
home
though
the
cold

throw the coke
on a trash pile
before I round
the corner to
the flat

I like this european way
to get groceries
every other
day

I eat the mars bar inside
warming myself and
surfing the net

wonder where
I can get this
in the states?
704 · Jan 2011
song of snow
Overwhelmed Jan 2011
it comes down
from the heavens
or the sky
and blankets
the earth
or ground
with an evenness,
a fairness,
a peacefulness,
and we forget all our mistakes,
all the paths we took,
and we can’t see or
remember the ones
others carved.

the snow comes down,
down, down, down,
from the heavens
to the earth
or from the sky
unto the ground

snow, snow
you wonderful thing
you make all things even
and give us one chance
to fix them
703 · Mar 2011
Seeking a dangerous life
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
it is
5 am
and I
have
done
some-
thing
I have
never
done
before

I have stayed up to
5 am

at 5 am you know what you really want
you’ve had all this time to mull it over
the answers run clear as a mountain river
the meaning is like the nougat in the center
of a candy bar

each bite now
is tasty
and rich

each thought
each movement
means so much more
than it ever had
before

I’ve stayed up late
but never till 5 am
when everything is
crystal clear in a way
that has no analogy

I am tired of my covers,
of my pillows and my
bed-spreads

I want a bed of
nails, a cactus
cushion, and a
blanket of anger
to keep me up
through the nights

I am a man
seeking a better life than
this

at 5 am
I know what
this
is

I want to act
and be act upon

I want to love
and be loved back

I want to hate
and be hated

each tiny motion
means so much
more at 5 am

I know that nobody cares about my poetry
I know that nobody cares how much sleep I get tonight
I know that nobody cares about me
I know that nobody cares about
anything

it is
5 am
and I
can see
the world clearly
for the first
time

the world
is bleak
and I seek to run from
my warm bedroom
and plunge into the
jungle,

unarmed
702 · Feb 2011
the hawk in the storm
Overwhelmed Feb 2011
he tries to appear
brave
pushing against
the updrafts
and when
he swoops he
appears as graceful
as ever

but I see his
struggle,
his panic,
where to go?
where to go?
what to do?
oh god
oh god
oh god
he thinks

I walk back
inside and watch
him for a time

he flies away
hampered by the
wind
and I wish him
god speed
home
701 · Oct 2013
don't search me out
Overwhelmed Oct 2013
you’ll find me
on the streets
offering love to strangers
reaching out with my arms
with sweet words
bubbling out of my lips
but when you hug me
in relief
at having found me
I will recoil
scream
look at you
with wild eyes
and fear
wondering
who you are
my love
because
like a beast
I am afraid of fire
and I will try to hide it
behind my own flame
which offers no warmth
to anyone
and
you will wonder
where I have gone
and eventually you will
realize that I haven’t
gone anywhere
and you will
leave me there
to fend off the cold
in my own ways
and take your love
to someone not so
much a cowering
beast
701 · May 2010
painting
Overwhelmed May 2010
note cards
4 x 9
yellow
purple
blue
white
red

one goes “ha ha ha”
while the other looks out upon a corn field
and the river running through it
still another shows a man in blue
who’s existence is but a mistake
and then finally one writes out bold and simple
“I fear”

I look upon the wall
the note cards
4 x 9
are the first step
and yet only more
to add to those I’ve
already taken
699 · Sep 2012
bloom
Overwhelmed Sep 2012
it will be good
to feel loved
again

even if it’s just for a moment
even if it’s misguided or fake

like a flower
in the sunshine
I will finally
show my
full
colors
698 · Dec 2010
boiling point
Overwhelmed Dec 2010
all day,
moping around
crying to myself
and doing
nothing
while
the world whizzes by
and my life comes
to a stand-
still

there is more beyond this
and I cannot stand to not
chase it

I’m getting up!

I yell this,
silently,
to the paper
I write
on

I’m moving on!

I scream louder,
the page not changing
except for what I
add

I’m better than this!

I cry,
tears welling up
but refusing to come
out

and the page sits uninterested
beneath me

this is what I needed

to be completely ignored,
to be told, without any words
at all, that I don’t matter
to truly know, that there is
nothing I can do

anger swells within me
but it turns back
and burns my insides
refusing to hurt
anything other
than what is to
blame

I sit here

burned out on the inside
torn apart on the out
and I have no words

not any more

for what it feels like to be me,
right now.

punishing myself for being pathetic
challenging myself to be better
knowing only, that  I cannot be
stirred
698 · Jan 2012
what's there to say?
Overwhelmed Jan 2012
what a shame that
I’ll never truly be
able to capture the
beauty of our own
universe

not in words,
not in pictures,
not in motions

but I see it

oh I see it

and it haunts me
so

just how beautiful
everything is

everything is unique
and interesting in so
many ways

everything has its
way and everything
has its purpose

everything is as they are
and I as I look out the window
and witness all of existence
I weep at my insignificance,
at my impotency in the
face of this marvel.

But Christ!

*how lucky we are to be
alive
697 · Apr 2012
limitless
Overwhelmed Apr 2012
in that worst moment
I found out just how much
the human body
could bear

how much the
human mind could
understand

and how much
the human soul could
take

a wiser man
would not have been shocked
to witness it not only survive

but thrive
695 · Mar 2011
where does the storm end?
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
rumbling thunder in the background
I type away for my own sanity’s sake

the day winds down faster every day
what day is the one I can enjoy forever
693 · Mar 2013
it'll be okay
Overwhelmed Mar 2013
things will not be well
things will be awful
things will go bad
and things will
end

let this happen
be brave
enjoy what you can
and do not dwell
on anything

roll with the waves
sway with the wind
ignore the sun in your
eyes

plant your feet
and
keep growing

the sun will rise
tomorrow
692 · Dec 2010
scrap heap
Overwhelmed Dec 2010
I am a rusted pile of iron
put together with my spirit
to look as if beautiful and
artistic and meant to be

but on the inside I know,
and on the inside you know
that in truth, all I am is for-
gotten scraps that cannot
be complete, whole, or
useful
691 · Mar 2011
dusk
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
at the end of the day
we have a chance to look back
at what’s happened
maybe it’s been bad
maybe it’s been terrible
maybe it’s been great
maybe it’s been fantastic
maybe it’s just been a day
maybe it’s something you don’t want to think about
but at the end of every day
there is a time
between the twilight and the night
when the world is still
and all the bad stuff
and all the good stuff
cease their terrible conquest
of your life

this is a time when you can always breath
this is a time when your soul can live

after all the chaos of responsibility
but before the exhaustion in rest
there is a time called
dusk
and it is the most wonderful time of the day
691 · Jul 2012
I've found it
Overwhelmed Jul 2012
I am stretched out my bed
as the fan whirls furiously above me
and the TV people dance
their dance on mute
and the music pours out
of my speakers

this book of poems
is very good

it’s got Bukowski and Ginsberg,
who I already know,
and people with names like
“Jack Grape” and
“Sharon Olds”

(though I have not gotten
to their poems yet)

it's a book all about
the poets who dared
to not be
“poets”

the ones who wrote
about *******
in simple terms
and
wrote about their fights
with their landlords
and their ex-girlfriends

they wrote of drinking
and of hang-overs

of jobs they did not like
and dreams they would never fufill

they described love
as it was
and
not as it should
be

this  is the sort of poetry I write,
or at least, I attempt to write
and laid out on my twin bed
I felt very much one of them

inspired only by the improbability
of my existence

I am
flotsam drifting with the currents,
experiencing each wave
and smiling at the chance
to bask in the sunshine
691 · Feb 2011
a night for music
Overwhelmed Feb 2011
looking at each other
wrapped in two different
beds
we smiles, laugh, giggle
and seem happy
(it’s sickeningly cute)

we sing along to music
to regina spektor and the
decemberists
I don’t know all the lyrics
but she knows how to
sing

it’s a night to remember
I’m sure

in sixty years,
in thirty years
in fifteen
in ten

I’ll be thinking about
these great times

before everything happened
and nothing happened any-
more
before love died and happiness
stopped and youth wore away
on the rocks

I will remember the smiles
and the music and this night
like so many others will be
what keeps me going on for
the dark times to come
690 · Jun 2013
haunt
Overwhelmed Jun 2013
she might as well be a ghost now.
did she even exist? I don’t know
was it a dream? a terrible vision?
can someone mean so much and
then betray so fully? these questions,
I suppose, are pointless. flittering
doubts that will never finally land.
could I have known it would happen?
did I do something wrong? or could
I have done something to stop it?

what do these wonderings accomplish?
making me fear the sounds in the night.
making me worry over every step taken.
the ghost is no longer here, and maybe
she never was. phantoms, I’ve noticed,
only ever haunt believers. so thinking
back on her and all we were and weren’t
I can’t really say that I have any unanswered
questions, just a deep feeling of shame
and regret at the way things all turned out.
what more really is there to say?
690 · Jan 2015
poem about god
Overwhelmed Jan 2015
god, what a relief it was
to find out he wasn’t real
after all

god, it was good to know
that we didn’t need him
after all
690 · Jun 2012
this toad and I
Overwhelmed Jun 2012
a toad hopped up
one day to me
and said
nothing
but looked quite
serious and
made it
quite
clear that he
and I were
not that
different

why,
he would not
explain,
but
how we drifted
together,
this toad
and
I,
was quite
clear

sitting there for hours
we said nothing
and did nothing

each of us a stone
in our own ways

then toad got up one day
and left me with my ilk

his message silent
his meaning quite
clear
689 · Aug 2012
how many?
Overwhelmed Aug 2012
how many times had I driven down pleasant hill after dark?
how many times had I sailed through the left turn lane into your neighborhood?
how many times had I squinted past my lights on the road in front of your house?
how many times had I seen the name of your neighborhood on the sign but I still can't remember it now? (did I ever know it?)
how many times had I leaned into that narrow uphill turn?
how many times had I gone fifty in a twenty-five when no-one was around?
how many times had I sped past your house only to turn around in the cul-de-sac just a little ways down the road?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and then knocked on your door?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and just waited?
how many times had I said "hi, how are you?" and listened ever so intently to you?
how many times had I had something to say and ignored you?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda and some gas?
how many times had I leaned over and kissed you at a stop light?
how many times had I pulled up into my drive way and gotten out with you?
how many times had I brought you to basement and made love to you?
how many times had I brought you down there just to *******?
how many times had I enjoyed that and so did you?
how many times had I laid there with you wondering if things were ok?
how many times had I said I loved you before I knew for sure?
how many times had I walked awkwardly with you upstairs trying to fake like we weren't up to anything? (not anything bad at least. hehe.)
how many times had I sadly driven you home?
how many times had I smiled at you because I really had been happy for once?
how many times had I smiled at you because that's all I could do?
how many times had I driven off without and felt less whole?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda on my own?
how many times had I thought about how great things finally were?
how many times had I almost believed in god because of you?
how many times had I felt like a fool?
how many times had I regretted all this wasted time?
how many times had I thought the best way was the way out?
how many times had I been right about everything?
how many times had I been wrong?
how many times had I loved you?
and
how many times had I been a fool?

well?
how many?
689 · May 2012
yukon woman
Overwhelmed May 2012
a curved knife lays on the table
as a fire crackles
and the wood-smells
fill our mind

the cold looks into our home
with disinterest

you lay
stretched out in the bed
a woolen blanket wrapped
around your form
and
I cannot see your
face

I see this scene
as clearly as I see these
words flow from my
fingers
but I cannot
see your face

maybe there’s reason
for this

I look at the log walls,
the books stacked on the
book shelf made of raw
timber,
the pattern in your quilt,
your face

but I cannot see it,
I cannot remember it

I wonder constantly
when this picture shall
be complete
687 · Feb 2011
the new hope in town
Overwhelmed Feb 2011
we step into the shoes
of a cowboy, down on-
to the dusty ground of
the plains, the revolver
strains against our side
and we feel but ignore
the sun

the town, like all towns,
is silent as we walk in,
one big foot in front of
the other, and when we
go into the saloon the
men playing cards fold,
the bartender puts down
his glass, and the ******
and other women turn
to look us up and down

and all we do is smile,
with our big broken
teeth, and they smile
too

we were the new kid
on the block, the last
hope for humanity, the
big man on town, and
we knew that things
were going to be ok
as we ordered a drink
and sat down with a
******* one side and
a fresh hand being
dealt on the table in
front of us
687 · Jun 2012
the process
Overwhelmed Jun 2012
misunderstood
reinterpreted  
stereo-typed
re-processed
de-sensitized
de-humanized

left to waste on the shelves
of big-box stores for eternity

a skeleton looks
back in the mirror
686 · Feb 2014
high tide
Overwhelmed Feb 2014
if I were a sand castle
I would welcome the sea
let it pull me away
wave by wave
until I was no more
than a damp patch of sand
because, truly, I cannot stand
being such a beautiful creation
left so carelessly to be eaten
by an uncaring ocean.

but I still maintain my walls,
put up as much resistance
as I can muster,
because
I am still unsure
if what I really want
is an empty beach
or a broken
sand castle.

if it’s really about
the inevitability of existence,

or really about
the inevitability of my mind.
686 · Mar 2011
Armageddon
Overwhelmed Mar 2011
I should,
uh,
probably
write about
how I’m
feeling
right
now

but my hands are
too shaky,
yeah…
they a…
aren’t to used
to this

so maybe I shouldn’t
put down how I’m
feeling

maybe…
that’s the
problem
685 · Apr 2011
real murder
Overwhelmed Apr 2011
I heard about
this kid
the other
day

the one
who
got run over

I can’t remember
his name
and
on the news channels
they only
show
blaring ambulances
and
well-dressed
tv correspondents

as far as I know
there’s a funny-shaped
deer hiding under
the white blanket

I was I could remember
that kid’s name,
he was 17
or 15
or 12
or 5
or some
terrible age
like that

but all I can find out
is that another innocent
life has been lost
and that at 9
Friends will be airing
a re-run
Overwhelmed Apr 2011
never again
will there be
a chance like
this

so it’d be such
a shame to die
in this moment

but the prospect looms and
the future moves and about
tomorrow I can promise only
that there may be an answer
or, just as likely, there might
not
684 · Feb 2011
Memento Mori
Overwhelmed Feb 2011
remember your mortality
the wise-man says

know that your
flesh and bones
will die one day
and by happy with
it

you will live on
in your children,
in your work,
your memory will
float about on the
river of time

and the sage,
behind his white
beard,
rambles on and
on about his roman
wisdom
until
his bones turn to
dust
and his words
no longer
echo

as he dies,
moving on
to heaven or
no-where,
he leaves you
to remember your
mortality

how even great
men,
like him,
fade against
time’s beating
rays

your fingers and
your toes, all the
hairs on your head,
the works of your
hands, and spawn
of your ****

they bear against
the rushing waves,
of life and death
and history.

they cannot survive for-
ever

nothing,
ever can.

+

so these leaves us still perplexed

as to the meaning
of our very existence,
and to what death
is, and why it comes,
and why it corrupts
everything that ever
was

I come to you,
bearing a young face
and old eyes,
answering your
question with my booming
voice:

there is
none

forget your blood
and genes and eyes

forget the finger-nail
clippings and the dead
corpses of so many
soldiers

to live without meaning is freedom

the choice to make
what we can out of
nothing

that,

I say to
you,

is what it’s
all
about

+

I don’t think of death
I do not ponder at its cause
I do not wonder at its morals
I do not quest for its final
cure

I live,
in happiness,
thinking-

-knowing-

that this world
means nothing

and as I sip my drink,
and play my games,
and fall in and out of
love, I am not depressed
at thinking there is
nothing

in fact,
I am
relieved
684 · Nov 2011
I needed a lie
Overwhelmed Nov 2011
I needed it,
you know

I needed you to tell me
to shut up,
that I did good,
that despite all my doubts
and worries
and fears,
I probably made it
through

but instead,
you told me the truth

I probably ****** up
I probably failed
I probably ******* myself
for the up-teen millionth
time

and that’s not what I
needed

not then
and
certainly not
now

I needed to be lied
to

I needed to be told
I was wrong

but instead all you did
was shrug your shoulders
and said, “well, you’re
probably right”
683 · May 2012
big ups
Overwhelmed May 2012
taking in a big breath,
puffing up my chest,
growing, swelling,
looming,
deep fire burns
in the pit of my soul,
the flame flares with fresh oxygen,
screaming out the heat,
I stare at the world,
defiant, cocky,
on fire.
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