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Overwhelmed Aug 2012
though not yet ready to take on the world,
I am desperate to attack the rest of my life.

I am
seventeen

smart, strong,
and optimistic

over-brimming with
energy and excitement
and juvenile grit

it is time for the world
to meet the real me

a being of inexplicable good luck
determined to make the best of it

women, men, and children
I introduce to a man not yet
fully realized

but know this:

he will come to you with fire
and the best of you will carry
it on beyond him
Overwhelmed Aug 2012
how many times had I driven down pleasant hill after dark?
how many times had I sailed through the left turn lane into your neighborhood?
how many times had I squinted past my lights on the road in front of your house?
how many times had I seen the name of your neighborhood on the sign but I still can't remember it now? (did I ever know it?)
how many times had I leaned into that narrow uphill turn?
how many times had I gone fifty in a twenty-five when no-one was around?
how many times had I sped past your house only to turn around in the cul-de-sac just a little ways down the road?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and then knocked on your door?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and just waited?
how many times had I said "hi, how are you?" and listened ever so intently to you?
how many times had I had something to say and ignored you?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda and some gas?
how many times had I leaned over and kissed you at a stop light?
how many times had I pulled up into my drive way and gotten out with you?
how many times had I brought you to basement and made love to you?
how many times had I brought you down there just to *******?
how many times had I enjoyed that and so did you?
how many times had I laid there with you wondering if things were ok?
how many times had I said I loved you before I knew for sure?
how many times had I walked awkwardly with you upstairs trying to fake like we weren't up to anything? (not anything bad at least. hehe.)
how many times had I sadly driven you home?
how many times had I smiled at you because I really had been happy for once?
how many times had I smiled at you because that's all I could do?
how many times had I driven off without and felt less whole?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda on my own?
how many times had I thought about how great things finally were?
how many times had I almost believed in god because of you?
how many times had I felt like a fool?
how many times had I regretted all this wasted time?
how many times had I thought the best way was the way out?
how many times had I been right about everything?
how many times had I been wrong?
how many times had I loved you?
and
how many times had I been a fool?

well?
how many?
Overwhelmed Aug 2012
put a little faith in life
put a little faith in all
the forces that be

obviously
something cares about us
something thinks we deserve
to keep toddling forward

so if you think you've done
something to make these
forces turn against us:

I think you should reconsider
just how long the ****-up we
call human history really is
Overwhelmed Aug 2012
forty-three dollars
forty-three dollars?
forty-three dollars
*****
Overwhelmed Aug 2012
H
she was a woman in every way:

petty, conniving, back-stabbing,
the sort of girl who cared when
somebody wore the same dress,
a person who rants endless and
then complains about those who
voice an opinion, she's had dozens
of men caught in her web (but has
only slept with two of them), she
reveals just enough skin to entice
but never enough to satisfy, she
is smart, she is desirable, and she
thrives on being needed

too many times I'd let myself
get involved with her

she'd spend weeks, winking
and nudging, sending every
signal that this time she was
going to bite back, and that's
why she enjoyed it even more
when she flipped the switch
and went cold forever (at least
until she decided to play with
me again)

she cares if she was the first
to hear that song, it matters
that she doesn't ever really
care, everyone else is worse
than her (in all the ways she
can think of), and time and
time again I've let her get
a hold of me, **** me dry,
and leave me for dead

she's a queen amongst spiders,
a rattlesnake in brazier, god of
hate and deception, ignorant
of her own ignorance, the center
of her own convoluted universe

she's wrong in nearly
every way

but, god,
she turns me on.
Overwhelmed Jul 2012
how many poems
began with the words
"I am"?

I am good
I am bad
I am misunderstood
I am steadfast
I am strong
I am wonderful
I am my best
I am better than you
I am not better than anyone
I am who I am
they write
over
and
over
again

so few poems tell us
the story of these good
and bad and other-wised
defined people

so often are we concerned
with getting them right we
forget who they really are:

fathers and grocery clerks,
jail-birds, school teachers,
drunks, priests, writers and
critics, hotel owners, bag-
stuffers, and not to mention
all the drivers of automobiles

these people
could all declare
that they are:

good/bad/strong/misunderstood/
steadfast/strong/wonderful/their
best/better than you/not better
than anyone/themselves

but until we see that they are
we have only their word and
centuries of ****** skepticism
Overwhelmed Jul 2012
he smiled at me
putting his pointer finger
to his lips and
said
"you didn't see
anything"

I smile back,
"what's there to
see?"

"oh,
good."

I waved goodbye
to him and went
on to mop.
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