So I keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost,
And never looking forward enough to recognize the cost.
When this had been a train with no stops to let myself recover,
And I was constantly leaving my imprint in the thoughts of all the others.
I was trying to heal without letting it cross my mind,
Of the time I was touched and the choice wasn't mine.
I kept building all my relationships on vanity and lust
When I realized there wasn't anyone left I could trust.
Maybe I needed to grow up a little,
Gain some self respect back,
Stop smoking cigarettes and drinking six packs.
Maybe it was my fault and I miscalculated my moves,
And I was a pawn in chess and he was a black shadow in the corner of the room.
I wish I could've told someone earlier,
Rebuild the barriers that were crossed,
I just keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost.

DEAR fellow-artist, why so free
With every sort of company,
With every Jack and Jill?
Choose your companions from the best;
Who draws a bucket with the rest
Soon topples down the hill.
You may, that mirror for a school,
Be passionate, not bountiful
As common beauties may,
Who were not born to keep in trim
With old Ezekiel's cherubim
But those of Beauvarlet.
I know what wages beauty gives,
How hard a life her setvant lives,
Yet praise the winters gone:
There is not a fool can call me friend,
And I may dine at journey's end
With Landor and with Donne.

The first girl I liked
Liked the Black Eyed Peas more
And she would sing
As she skipped circles around me in the schoolyard
My mom always told me she would grow up to be a lesbian
I wished she was right
The second girl I liked
Had a Hello Kitty tracksuit
And I still worried
About what to wear around her
I told her her religious waterbottle was tacky
And I know we’ve both cried over that
The third girl I liked
Sailed on a pirate ship
And sometimes we would laugh about it
But sometimes we wouldn’t
I liked the way her eyes looked when she laughed
I still do
The fourth girl I liked
Was the third girl I liked
I liked her for a long time
And sometimes we would laugh about it
but sometimes we wouldn’t
My mom always told me she would grow up to be a lesbian
I wished she was right
The fifth time I liked someone
For the first time I liked someone
They turned out not to be a girl
but it was okay because I turned out not to be a girl either
I would never call a religion tacky now
The sixth time I liked someone
The fifth girl I liked
She wore a crown of fire everyday
Something someone else might call hair
We didn’t last long because she came to realize that for her
I needed to be a girl too