The cold morning air taunted us while we waited.
I took a seat, book in hand and used the words to block out the outside world known as my reality.
I was quite content with how the words seem to wrap themselves around me, warm me, love me then I heard my name.
My name is the only thing that can take the words, twist the words, and break the words so they may come down, no longer able to protect me.
“I keep forgetting that you are gay, you don’t act it.”

Maybe it’s because when words are not enough to keep others out I flip the switch and act straight.
Maybe it’s because I know that expressing my true inner feelings could get eyebrows to raise and eyes to glare, could get people to snicker and laugh behind my back and have their hands protect the words that they let drain into others ears.
Maybe it’s because at home one dim glow of light in any shape or form could make my shoulder freeze as my mother turns to her phone trying her best to ignore me.
Maybe it’s because at school one friend might be the same as me but when their parents arrive I need to protect them like a mother bear protecting the young.
Maybe it’s because I like the things that I do, the things I say, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I sing, the way I laugh, the way I smile at romance.
Maybe it’s because that’s just the way I am.

Yeah I'll Tell you something
But my tongue is too busy twisting and turning
I think you'll understand
Can you comprehend what i would say
when I say that something
my eyes would avert their attention to anything but your face
I want to hold you hand*

The Beatles song would only be in my head
never reality.

he kisses ***** like he's dedicating babies
like somehow he's doing a great service
but no one really knows exactly what the **** for

he walks too close to me
up the hill
a married man
with three kids

he thinks it's fine to treat his wife like ****
in front of their friends
like he's exercising dominance over a dog
and exploiting how well it
obeys

a fourteen year old daughter
who has panic attacks when you drop a dish
or knock too ******* a door
or talk too loud
it sounds too much like
her father

i have never hated anyone more
than i hate this man.

you swear that you know that he
was wrong, but his hands were the
closest thing that ever felt like love,
and if he tried again, you wouldn't
tell him to stop

Hi,
My name is--

Nothing.
Never mind.
I forgot that I don't have one.
You can't know me.

You don't know me....

At least that's what you told them...

You could never just admit it.
You would never just tell them.
You should have went out shouted it out,
Loud enough for the whole world to here you.
But I only ask of this because you were so ashamed of me.

I love you...
And you know this
Because you know you loved me...

Cause we were together

Yeah.
We were a thing
I couldn't have just imagined it
We spent 4 months together

Cuddled up in the back of your mom's car
Laughing at my jokes
And spilling drinks
Arms around each other
Lips locked together.....

But now you say that you don't know me??

Every.
Single.
One.
Of my deepest darkest secrets has been invested into your very soul.
****** into your hands for you to hold onto.

And in return I had gotten trustful looks of lies.

And now every time you look at me...
You turn the other way and laugh

Because you know I'm a freak.
You know what's wrong with me!
You know everything!

But you still say that you don't know me...
But you know you do.
You know you loved me!

And I know that I loved you....
And I know that you know you loved me too

So I am just waiting.

Waiting on the day you will tell the world

That you loved me.

All I wanted you to do is not deny this.

Deny that there was an us.

That you know that our laughs
And our smiles
And our times together
That our everlasting foreverness
Was not made up
It was true
We were real

And you loved every bit of it....
Including me.

Hey,
It's me.
And Baby...
I'm still waiting.












© 2013 Kendra Bowman