There's a beast inside my chest
Trying to claw its way out
I turn on the music trying to drown out the sound
But I keep hearing its voice
It doesn't speak with these words
I feel its hate when I go numb
Its whispered doubts have left me dumb
"You know that you're the one,
The one that's failed everyone"
So I walk up to the edge
Look straight out and take a breath
Try to silence it with a step
And leap into the sky
With no wings to let me fly
But even though I'm falling down
I never reach the ground
I just wake up in this bed
Made to start this day again
Fight this battle in my head
I just wish it all would end.

Just tonight I called to talk
I wanted to wish you best of luck
You're starting a new school year tomorrow
It breaks my heart how fast you're growing up

But when you cried out "NO!"
When your Mom handed you the phone
It shattered into dust
And blew away on a frozen winter wind
Screaming through, stealing the heat of September

"I don't want to see him"
"I don't want to talk to him"
"I don't want his name anymore"
All these things, I heard you say
The words ring through my head, never going away
And I don't even know why you feel this way...

I just want to fix it
- but I need to know where it's broke
Friends and family say it's just a phase
And in time, you'll change your mind
But in that time, I may cry myself blind

I already knew
You are one of two,
The ropes that keep me tied
To the shore of this life
Thoughts of you,
And your sister too
Kept me steady in the storms and rain

But now I feel that line begin to fray,
As in your pain you saw away
I feel the seas begin to toss
I pray that I can hold them off
Long enough to heal this rift between us

When you're ready,
I'll be waiting
Trying to do my best as a father...
I love you, my darling daughter.

Not all of these lines
Are going to rhyme
Maybe it's not poetry-
But this time, that's fine.
I have to write this
Even though I'm still not sure how to say it
Why do you talk to me?
Do you honestly even care?
Or is it just somehow better
than listening to dead air?
I hold no great secrets
My philosophies are pieces picked from different puzzles
and even I don't know if they really make a picture
Or if they do, that it's one you'd want to see.
I'm not as interesting
As certain people make me out to be
Talking with you who shine bright like stars in midnight blackness
Just serves to remind me
How great my lack is
And I can't help but wonder
What it is that drives this-
Do you need my shadows
To remind you how bright your light is?
Or are you really trying to cast rainbows
into dusty corners
Bringing color into places that lack this...
I only feel this:
I have nothing to offer you.
So, please.
Leave me be.
Don't try to make me think I might mean something
to you.
Because
In the end, I know...
*I won't.

And I sometimes wonder
If there's anyone out there
Who understands
This spell that I'm under
Is one that's been woven
Of Hope and Rejection
Looking for love
But having no direction
Trying to find
Someone to look up to
Without being looked down on
I know I'm never worthy
But I need your love anyway
I wish I had a reason
For you to show me a reason
That I should keep on breathing
I don't know your story
Who you are or where you're from
I just know I'm alone and scared
And not worth a ****
So I just walk along
And dream this dreadful dream
Of all-too-harsh Reality

Today I read the news
That someone I never knew
Took her life
Left behind
This life
That I've railed against so many times
It made me stop
Made me think
As bad as I sometimes hurt
Maybe I don't know what pain
Really means
Because though the thought
Has crossed my mind
So many -uncounted- times
I don't believe I'll ever truly cross that line
In the face
Of this immeasurable loss
I think it's time I try a little harder
To put down my cross
Bury Demons from my past
Try for the best in this life at last
And though it may not matter much at all
Written words from someone you'll never know
I hope you've found peace at last
And maybe find a little peace
In knowing
You've made me try a little harder
To turn over that new leaf

Growing twisting twining from the earth
From discarded seeds comes new life, birth
Cast aside with brittle husk once become too heavy
With never a second thought to whether they're truly ready
Only luck to keep them from the teeth that feed
And no guarantee that where they land
is where they need to be
The number of those that make it past that start
Are so precious few as to break your heart
And so, more beautiful
Are those that make it through
Scars on their hearts
Hidden by patterns of bark
And with thoughts like these,
I feel my memories
May not be so different
From the memories of trees