Her beauty shrouded,  
Her personality hidden,  
In crippling anxiety,  
From which her depression is driven.  
Her true self,  
Only to be shown in flashes of happiness,  
Small moments of laughter.  

All the while,  
She's so ******* herself,  
Her emotions contagious,  
Infecting me the more I see them.    

It's ridiculous,
Emotions that are not mine,
Overwhelm me,
Her sadness drives me crazy,
And yet she suppreses them,

What is killing me,
Multiplied by a hundred,
Can only be seen,
After staring into her eyes.

The double wheel,  
Mooned sky,  
Dogs bark,  
Children they flinch,  
A spine tingling sense,  
I worry.  

The kids,
Soundlessly asleep,
They unaware,
Worryless,
The house creeks,
Eyes wide open,
I glance at side to side.

I worry.

Her beauty shrouded,  
Her personality hidden,  
In crippling anxiety,  
From which her depression is driven.  
Her true self,  
Only to be shown in flashes of happiness,  
Small moments of laughter.  

All the while,  
She's so ******* herself,  
Her emotions contagious,  
Infecting me the more I see them.    

It's ridiculous,
Emotions that are not mine,
Overwhelm me,
Her sadness drives me crazy,
And yet she suppreses them,

What is killing me,
Multiplied by a hundred,
Can only be seen,
After staring into her eyes.

Scratching at my brain,  
Itching me insane,  
Itching at my brain,  
Insanity is my game.
No,
Insanity is my name.

What I would do for her to love me,
Everything,
I think logically,
But I don't act on my thoughts,
I think,
I just need to say hi,
How are you doing,
10 seconds of courage,
For a possible lifetime of happiness.

And yet,
I cant do it,
I cant open my mouth,
I catch her eye,
She wants me to say hi,
I'm embarrassed at my own lack of confidence,
My overwhelming fear of rejection,
embarrassment and failure,

I can feel my window of opportunity slipping away,
And I'm not going to do anything about it.

Silently dark,
The night it seems,
Worry-some shadows,
A trick of the eyes,
The air is fresh,
Air which only comes out,
To look at the sky with me,
The stars brighter than normal,
The moon,
beautiful,
The night time,
I love it.

The way I see her,
The way I look at her,
Staring in her eyes,
I see nothing,
but beauty.

She walks by,
Not a word exchanged,
She does not catch my eye,
Why doesn't she look me in the eyes?
I want to love her.

God is always something that has appealed to me,
I've always wanted to believe in him,
A comforting thought,
Someone always looking out for you,
A guiding hand,
A meaning to life,
And most of all,
More than nothing after I die.

Thinking of life,
As a flash of light,
In a never ending timespan of darkness,
Scares me.
I would much rather,
It be the opposite.

Why can't I let myself believe in god?

If only someone could read my mind,  
And make better use of my thoughts.    

So much better it would be,  
Than useless cures to cancer,  
And hopeless theories of life.    

The Knowledge in my head,  
I have wordless answers.