Awakening

The very essence of adolescence is efflorescence
Passion's embrace is quite effervescent
Was driven to insatiable impress simply by his presence.
An answer to a prayer thought he was heaven sent
I would have walked one million miles for just one of his dimple- filled smiles
Liked his style plus his touch drove me wild
Was in denial and it took me a while to see he was foul and incomplete
Yet, women lie at his feet
Still this man made me weak  
Forsaked all others, lying in wait
Trapped in a dream was my mental state  
Low on the totem pole, drown by tears
Drained by the fact that I wasted too many years  
Tired of debating, sick of hesitating  
Dizzy by the never-ending yo-yo ride of him trying to decide  Feel like I tried, but for too long I cried and inside I died
But I have too much pride to meet my demise here  
Can you see me shaking off fear and realizing my dreams  Coming into the blossoming I felt in my teens  
Cause the very essence of adolescence is efflorescence Catching blessings from God's presence life is effervescent
WDelany11

My baby’s mother
Term used to describe me
Classifying me, derogatively
Term used by a man
To whom on his own 2 feet he can’t stand
A man who despises his seed
Yet, continues to breed
Expecting me to remain in one place
Quickly yelling he needs space
Cause he needs to find himself
No time for us
But always makes time for anything else
Constantly hollering he feels left out
Don’t know what being a father is all about
No child support yet needing clothes for court
Depending on me to be in his corner
To his seed he’s a foreigner
My baby’s mother
A phrase used by a man
Who can’t seem to stand
The seed he produced
Who won’t reduce his love for the street life
Taking hoochies for his wife
Rather live trife
Rather be free and neglect his responsibility
Blaming me, shaming me, steadily smoking blow
Claiming he loves us; yet, it fails to show
Reducing me to nothing
Placing me in the midst of drama
Oh yeah, I’m just his baby’s mama

How do I not take this personal
You took me for granted
And I can't stand it
Like Nicki I shoulda been checked you
But I let you get mad disrespectful
Had the nerve to believe
Simply because I conceived
You were the only man I'd struggle with
So I entered into an unspoken covenant

Swore we were bound for life
In fact you'd call me your wife
Silly me so easily deceived
Cause the reality is those are just words
Spoken by a puppet master
And because my desires for family unit
Kept me entangled mentality
And my perception was clouded

How did I not see you for who you are
Though you called me your star
And you claimed I was the light
That illuminated your world
You swore I was your only girl

Time reveals uncovered secrets
And the realization is that
There are way more victims than just me
And we all unknowingly clung to such
A misguided entity
A talented chameleon who's a masterful mangician
Abracadabra, **** you're inundated
The spell permeates your soul
And his charms pervade your senses

And pain erodes your heart
And you tell yourself you are fine
The truth is your fall apart
And all you can feel is decay
And visions of death encamp you
Your mood is highly dissipated
You feel empty and depleted
I mean completely stagnated
Like your whole being should be deleted

Pain cuts like incisions
And it's time to make decisions and walk away
Taking time to heal
Just so you can deal with self
And scars serve as a reminder
Yet heart still questions
If scabs are still bleeding
Truth is I was so needing to be entirely free

Then I met she
And in her I saw myself
I could empathize with her brokenness
And I could imagine her dismay
And I all I could do is offer words of encouragement
Because we experienced the same grief
So I sent up prayers
To let her know someone cares
Even if he pretends he doesn't

How does she not take it personal
When you consider the disrespect level
You feel you been robbed by the devil, himself
So all we can do is keep each other encouraged

Yes, we found each other
Bound by lies and ill-attempted tries
But no ill-will for each other
She is now part of me
And will forever be family
And never again
Shall we never allow each other to descend into darkness
And so we shall stop taking it personal
Although it's hard to let go of that hate
Karma comes, just wait

And from the ashes we arose with armor
Stronger than we've ever been

I believe I met the devil
And he tried to **** me
No horns did he have
In fact on the contrary
He was fine
And even better he was mine
Or so I thought

Cause love grew even after
Years of waiting and all the debating
Of whether or not
I should let him partake of the goodies

He seemed to have waited
And after all the begging
I gave in and became engulfed
****, I became a fiend for lied in between
It was like a dream and I readily shared myself
And shared all I had cause he was my man
Or so I believed

Even through years of tears
And extreme paranoia
I couldn't break free
There was such an overwhelming presence
That had a hold on me

The devil, a chameleon
Whose colors change as the wind blows
Creative liar and deceptive
Adaptable to playing games
Cause he learned how to be a
Master magician to survive

Enter I who had the nerve to believe
Simply because I conceived
Leopards would lose stripes and choose me

Depressed and stressed
And so disillusioned
But under a hypnotic spell
Trapped in a living hell of mental torment
A sick parody
Cause the reality is
I'd never let someone run over me
Intentionally
How could this be
Better yet, where's the real me

Lost and confused
Chest compressed ****, how can I be blessed
Awakened by visions of years of bad decisions
Made my heart stricken as I pant for breath
Cause images of famine and death
Was much more than I could fathom
Life passing me by became my anthem
The subtle whispers of despair was introduced to me
And seduced me effortlessly

Caught in a web of drama and demise
Soul so vexed look in my eyes
Yet steadily believing I was a prize
And to my surprise I was just entangled in the web
With many other victims

I began to pray and ask God
To get me away
Free me from hexes and magical powers
That apparently had overpowered me

He reached in and saved me
And separated me and gave me
Fresh wind, better visions
And a new friend
He gave me  provision and I made a decision to stay free
And truly do what's best for me
And finally I can breathe without toxic air
Depression, grief or hopeless despair

I look back and realize I met the devil
And he tried to **** me and **** my dreams
But God is so merciful
By him I'm redeemed

Into the abyss
Are hopes and dreams
Shattered, wasted and confused
Caught in a net are my messes
Filled with self-pity, battered and bewildered
Constantly falling into nothingness
Falling steadily into the abyss
I close my eyes
Dismayed and betrayed, I prayed
And heard a voice say
Do you know your worth?
I understand you are hurt
And you have made mistakes
You made poor choices
And caught tough breaks
But if you believe in me and have faith
The size of a mustard seed
I guarantee you will succeed
You were created for more than what you choose
I was beat and bruised for iniquities
The blood still saves if you stick with me
Your latter shall be greater…2012

So I pulled myself together
And planted my feet
Straightened my shoulders
And begin to release
All the pain and the strain of previous years
All the anxiety, heartache and shitload of tears
No longer moved by chatter
And no longer hexed
No longer does it matter
Soul no longer vexed
In fact I am blessed beyond measure
Climbed out of the abyss to find life’s treasures2014

These tears aren’t for you because you don’t deserve them
They are for me because I earned them
Breaking free involves examining one’s self
Being stress free is a choice regardless of color, creed or wealth
When I consider the things that I’ve lived through
I realize what love can make me do
I realize my strength and dedication
I realize the extent of your mental manipulation
I realized the effect of waiting in the wings
While you continually did your thing
Steadily putting me under scrutiny
Like I was the one who did not know monogamy
I have but one question and in my soul it itches
Its how many countless nameless *******
Have you let your manhood reside in their britches
Meanwhile your mood switches just as easily as the wind blows
Cause liquor and **** makes your heart bleed
Black blood, green envy, blind jealously
Seeking foolishly to control me with suspicions and accusations
Branded with heartache and pain like abrasions
I’ve never been one for control
But being pushed past my limit is like Chicken Food for the Soul
Cause I have to consider my life, my health, my sanity
At the brink of no return
I stare into the abyss and see all things about myself I miss
I see how life is passing me by
No matter what I do or how hard I try
It’s to no avail and every effort ends up in fail
This pain is too much for me to bare
It’s like my self-esteem, my confidence, my respect
It’s barely there and it makes me flee
I am too low on the totem pole
And like "X" I am at my rock bottom
“like ****, look at how a ***** gott’em”
So God here I am on bended knee, stretching out both hands
Cause I can’t take another second how I am
Father help me to get back to me and on the path to where I should be

I used to dream in multi-color
With visions of family and this perfect love
Even if noone else could see
I could feel what loving you did to me
I side stepped hurt and pain
Leaped ******* with a single bound
Cause nothing could compare
To the love I had found
Then to my surprise I realized
How much I was dying inside
And that each tear I cried sunk me to a deeper low
Especially seeing you with such trifling hoes
Waving them in my face
Is much more than anyone could take
Then my dreams turned to nightmares
I’d wake up panting for air
Because waiting… is much more than I can bear
With each passing year you still ask me to bare with you
Yet I watch you do you, and them too
And still want to keep your hand on me
Well I just gotta be and I need to fly
I need to jet, I need a partner,
This is not as good as it gets
But there’s more in store for me
So let me dream in multi-color once again
With visions of success and family and a perfect love
That with searching , God will send from heaven above

Love’s Great Fan
By: WDelany

Love’s great fan, I am
Though choices seem to reprimand me
Struggling, in-between constantly
Seeking me to alleviate life’s ailments
Yet stuck in a realm of consistent nothingness
Subject to blame
Cause I don’t see things the same
Fighting myself internally
Clinging to visions of what should be
Maybe the reality is it’s not for me

While loosening the clutch of his hand
I see the shell of a man
Who he once was he is no more
Struggling with perception and what life has in store
Desiring to be more than his choices
Yet unable to control those inner voices
And like sand through an hour glass
These are the days of his life

Seeking redemption in my hand
Steadily drowning in quicksand
Unable to subdue the tormented sounds of unrest
Keeps him stuck in this mess
The mess in not mine I confess
With it I cannot identify
So I try with great conviction
To place restrictions on what my heart feels
Cause heart and mind don’t see eye to eye
See I used to be on Ja’s
When I cry you cry tip
And I was the first one in line
For this unending roller coaster ride trip
Suffocating in this thing called relationship
But who was I relating with
Asphyxiated by drowning in caravans of quicksand
Stifled and tired of carrying the weight of us entirely
Maybe I’ll let it be
I feel like Cinque man, give us-“us free”

Picky, I am called now
For taking the time to peruse ways
And figure all intentions
Oh, not to mention
Looking through the eyes to the soul of a man
Though not tired of trying, Love
I am still a fan

Wdelany2014

From the very day you met the vibe was strong
Questions were answered right
Thank you Lord
For sending me true love this night

Used to feel we were a team
Like you had found a living dream
And no one could ever fathom
The type of love you had found
Couldn’t picture them not around
Cause the connection was so strong
And the feeling was so right
Shoot, everything seemed tight

So you gave all you could
What I have you have
Was the mentality
Never imagined what was happening actually
Cause in your mind the reality was this was meant to be
So it was all good

But the more that was given freely
Hardly none was given back
That negative transfer of energy
Got you feeling flat

Fighting to protect their name
From everyone pointing blame
And at the same time
Fighting against their frame of mind
Makes it hard to see the sunshine even on the sunniest day
And your mind replays echoes of better days
That seem like a distant memory
Taunting you saying “do you remember me”

Like the addict chasing the euphoria of their first high
Being a slave to memories makes you still try
Empty and broken you walk through life feeling vacant
Mentally ****** cause your whole perception’s been shaken
And the more they keep flaking you can feel your heart breaking
Into two, into eight, scrambled like the Harlem shake
You got decision’s to make

Either walk away or continue being prey
And learn how to pray so you can find your way
Because hurt and pain leave a hole
And it takes time to become whole
But that is the goal
First accept responsibility
Cause the greatest enemy is the inner me
So confront your role in your own demise
The gateway to the soul is through your eyes
So have yourself a few cries as your heart mourns
And your mind scorns with each replay
Remind yourself this is a new day

Next, forgive yourself and forgive that mate
Otherwise pain will always control your fate
And make you bitter
Remember hurt people hurt people
Don’t let the next one be a sequel
You are stronger, wiser and finally restored

The Answer to the Question Where Are You?

2010 WDelany
The Answer to the Question Where Are You?

2010 WDelany



Can you find me?

Clothed in layers and layers

Of heartaches I'd bared

After all these years and years

Of tears and frustration

Standing, patiently waiting

You'd find me


There trapped in a maze

Of both mediocre and hectic days

Used against me like a weapon

Entangled, inchoate searching

For some sort of direction

My personal hell became a comfort zone

Because at least it was my own

And every excuse to not change applied

Pity-parties shared made others subscribe

To my shaken perception

My spirit awaiting resurrection

Would count the tally marks

Like the wall of an inmate's cell

Trapped in my personal hell

Still, in my reality it was the only thing consistent

Challenging myself to not be resistant to change


I began to explore what I say

And the error of my ways

Discovered we all want change instantly

It takes hard work, perseverance and longevity

Prayer, faith and spirituality

What happens when what was once comfortable

Becomes intolerable

When what you believe and is pleasurable

You realize is fallible

Do you stay where you are and suffer for all eternity?

Or do you decide enough is enough

This life is no longer good for me

I allowed prayer and meditation

To be my medication

An antidote to remedy my every situation

God loves me enough to cover me with mercy and grace

Nothing and no one could compare or replace

God never forgot my every request

Just required me to reach for my best


Can you see me?

Letting go of past mistakes

Burying drama and old heartbreaks

Choosing where I go and where I stay

Consciously, each and every day

Shedding layers and layers

Of the tormented garments I chose to wear

In exchange for hope, self pride and growth

Because those are the things I am so worth

It's there you'll find me

Lately I've been thinking
Perhaps, more like deliberating
With myself I've been debating
Tired of waiting and anticipating

See, my perception's been shaken
And trust is what  I should rely on
But we've been through the lies
And I've seen text from other guys
Which only seems to imply
You don't mind keeping you options open

And though I was hoping
To make this work
We'll both end up getting hurt
If we keep dragging this out

It's tough to keep us sound
If neither can be around
And the distance has put a strain
On what remains of our relationship

But who am I relating with
Admit that this distance is killing us
And I no longer want to fuss
And I'm way too old to fight
With ******* and drama
I scream and you shout
What are we really arguing about
Just want no more negative karma

So, I am deciding to walk away
So you can be free
And I can do me
Our love has come to an end
That's the grave reality

This skin I’m in….
Has taken time to understand, appreciate and heal
From the burden of deep pigmentation
See, growing up frustration and humiliation was my constant station
Called names like “blacky,” “midnight,” and “streetblack,”
I embraced the negativity and wore pain like a sack
I bore the brunt of racism taught within my own community
And there was no immunity for me
I could not escape this dark skin

From year to year
The torture became more severe
And my self-esteem almost ceased to exist
Because I saw myself the way others saw me
I began to speak the same negative words
Spewed by others to myself
This deep pigmentation lead to alienation
I truly hated my dark skin….

In high school, I decided to work on me
And not care so much about what others thought
I told myself that I was more than a conqueror
I spoke more positive words and
I thought the darkness of my skin, didn’t win
But I still got told that “I was cute to be dark,”
Could it be that I was just cute
Not focusing on dark or light?

That is when I begin to realize, this wasn’t my fight
It’s my job to build my own self-esteem
It’s right in the definition, it’s literally what it means
Self-Esteem is how you see yourself!
It’s then that I chose to embrace this dark skin
That absorbs the sun, shines like onyx,
Purifies like charcoal and stands regal like a raven
This skin I’m in has taught me how to soar to higher heights
Loving every step my chocolate blessed feet trod…

“Tired of ******* and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And seeing you look at me
        With contempt through your eyes
It’s that I despise

Tired of heartache and pain
Feeling I’m going insane
Like my spirit is being drained
And this has all been in vain
And I’m stuck right here
With only the pieces of my heart
Cause it’s been ripped apart
And I’m standing here like
Where the **** do I start
To repair me
Does anyone hear me?

And I’m mourning letting you be
But, it probably the best bet for me
Cause, loving you is killing me
Painfully waiting for change
I cry
Awakened in a nightmare of life
Passing me by
Slowly losing my mind
Spent days and nights crying
Cause I’m sick of trying

Then feeling forsaken
Leaves my whole perception shaken
Tired of my heart breaking
But ultimately I’m good
Cause honestly I deserve so much more than

******* and lies
And ill-attempted tries
And being looked at
With contempt through your eyes

I swore I'd never let myself get hurt again
So, I put on my goggles and overalls
And built myself a fence 10 feet tall
Impenetrable
Cause truth be told, I'm too **** vulnerable

I've taken the time to plant my feet
Girded my fortress with the toughest concrete
Safe and secure I take my seat
Determined to keep my distance from everyone I meet

Except you....
You make me question the purpose of my emotional prison
I realize I'm nothing more than a hollow shell
From all the years of hell I willfully endured
And thought myself cured but now I'm amazed and a bit dazed
Cause I simply love being in your presence
And I'm totally captivated by your very essence
Yet my heart yells out
REMEMBER YOUR VOW!!!!

Behind my smile my soul is vexed
And my heart is perplexed
Have I completely lost my mind
Or is it a crime to let you close to me
Can I let my guard down
And expose you to all my vulnerabilities