for 3 days ive been in a bad place
waiting for the company of some lonely savior
to erase these tears and draw a smile on my face
or at least someone to replace her
i look into the mirror of desire
wish on my lucky stars find her
tonight i’ll light myself on fire
douse myself in gasoline
turn to ash
crawl into her dreams
wonderous sleep so it seems
a ghost to haunt your waking life
maybe next time you’ll think twice
before you play cat and mouse
with someone’s insides

I want to go back to not feeling anything but
Pandora's box has been opened and it's spilling from my chest
I tried to find sanctuary in other arms but there is no comfort left
Through the sleepless nights
And the distress
The imprint of your fingertips on my arms and neck
Now feel as volatile of the burning of your cigarettes against my paper wrists
There's a reason why this box should never be open
There's a reason why these locks exist
Though the sands of time and the ticking of the clock keep moving
I am stuck;

I used to think you could find love at the bottom of a bottle
So night after night I swam the sea of spirits
So deranged by the last drop that I couldn't remember my own name
The emptiness lived on
It grew like texas wild flowers
Soaked nightly by the miracle of rain, the plight of tears, the taste of blood in my mouth
As my teeth slowly fell out
Morbid decorations for the garden
We once made with our love

To think that we almost got matching tattoos together
Your name is on the tip of my tongue
Now where your lips once rested
A holy statement to the lord god of heaven and how he's left us vacant
Forsaken forgotten as the ******* son
Sleeping on your couch for months in my dreams
Echoing this valiant defeat in which I put all of me in to hourglass of sand for you
To remind you of happier times that we once knew
When the clouds were bright and the sky was blue
And we were just building a sand castle of memories built for two
At the end it was washed away by the tides moonlit and drunken stride
How it echoed the way you once walked by my side
You no longer wade in the sea of my dreams
You no longer are my guiding current
You are a lighthouse,
Deserted

I wonder when the day will come
Where I don't stop for a moment
And wonder why you haven't texted me yet
Or wonder when you're coming by
With a memory as rough as mine,
I often get lost in time.

Everything seems more poetic
When you're caught in the silence of a thunderstorm
No longer do your words roll off the tongue like lightning towards me
No longer do I depend on that lightning fire to stay warm
And as the rain drops fall
I remember when I once wrote
That "some people kiss in the rain
While others just get ******* soaked."

Depression can be all-consuming. A thundercloud over your head that no one else can see.






I'm tired of being soaked.

My hands are deep in the soil
As the dawn breaks
I remember surreal sunset days
When you would wake me up by work
By calling me pet names
I remember better days.

I'm burying your pictures, sacred artifacts.
Blips of moments tied to memory that I can't take back.
I saw you in my sleep last night, you are as haunting as a heart attack
No longer do I wish to see your face in my dreams so abstract
In which you smile
As the world burns around us
In which you take my hand
And say that you never stopped loving me
My hands are deep in the soil
I've stained my knees
Burying these memories
6 feet deep

Some people are sun showers and others are hurricanes. I would rather be a sun shower. I would rather encompass a small part of your day and bring warmth and refreshment rather than take up too much of your time. I don't want to flood you with emotion. I just want you to feel the essence of my heart, the warmth of my love. If only for a moment. You grow to appreciate it. Grinning and looking towards the sky. As little rain drops fall down your face but the sun is still in your eyes.
I want to be the few moments of your day that brighten your heart
That make you remember that this is what life is truly about
Appreciating the little moments
Appreciating the raindrops
And even if our time together is short I know that it is precious and I know that it is loved
As the sun shines from up above
And the rain drops fall softly
I know it is enough,
My love.

"I hope you feel especially weak in the knees
In the future when you come across these memories of me
A leftover shirt may be just bits of string
Sewn together by some other little things
But when you put my old clothes to your nose
And inhale deeply
I know you'll remember the way we kissed so sweetly"

Night after night in my mess of a room
Curled up entwined with my dogs and cat
I began to let my imagination take control
I dreamt so blissfully of our flat
With the walls covered with your friends spray paint graffiti
When I'd grown up a little more and became a little less needy
I dreamt of being content
With just the satisfaction of your heart belonging to me
My god, help me find the strength
To let go of these past hurts and be
Instead of being
strung up by old strings

Being single is really cool because I can do whatever the **** I want. I can tell a girl she's beautiful. I can disappear for a few hours without anyone freaking out. I can dance with strangers. I don't have to worry about my text messages. I don't even have to worry about my phone.
There's just this one thing,
The crippling absence of you
Specifically
And unbelievably you.

Her smile was like a dandelion but her tongue was like bukowski
How she lied in my sheets next to me
And told me that I was something
A treasured muse

I have visited this grave every day for a week
In hopes of stirring up what lies beneath
In hopes of bringing to life what once was my daydream
But all the magic in the world, darling
Can't bring it back to me.

You've always wanted the things you cannot have
To plunder foreign soil
But unfortunately for you, dear, the smell of your perfume doesn't even make me turn my head anymore
It's clear to me now that you've got your mind on distant shores
Scent may be the closest sense tied to memory
But when I close my eyes and think of how you once made me feel alive
I shake my head
For the wasted time
For the hours spent
Trying to capture an "I love you,"
From a siren across the sea.