It's 6:00 A.M
I feel; tired
I run to the bathroom
graze my hair with my fingers
cut through all the knots
Because that's how you would've done it too.
It's 6:45 A.M
I button my pants
let the flannel shirt I wear
linger away from my body
I learned this from you.
7:00 A.M
I go make breakfast
I stir my hot up of tea
every morning is the same
I sting my mind with the thoughts of you
just as I swirl the spoon
over and over
I can't help but wonder
did you think about her then too?
7:20 A.M
I dash to the closet
and find a pair of shoes to wear
I like to un-match
because that's what you'd do.
I don't wear earphones anymore
I like to listen to the outside world
my mind has become so numb
maybe this fast paced city
will make up for the emptiness
you left me.
8:00 A.M
the train is peppered
with different faces
you can only help but wonder
do they lead the same life
I lead
I remember this thought from you.
I walk to school
It's 8:20 A.M
I light a cigarette
sip from my coffee
and think about you.
I care about you still
I care
caring
I never learned that from you.

You.**
you're like an unsolvable math problem
a stoner thought that won't go away
a wicked curse
a never ending nightmare.
-7:45 A.M: I thought of you again
you were there while I was making myself breakfast
sitting there telling me jokes
as I stir my up, I cry a bit.
letting the salt waters mix
with the sweet taste of sugar
a bittersweet ending
a bite to the last bullet in our lives.
you were there on my bed
I look over to my nightstand and remember
I remember you laying your hands on my back
softly caressing the bridge of my spine
like painting angels in the Sistine chapel.
You were there during every silent pause between a conversation
every awkward love moment
every entity
and every heart-throbbing night.
you were there when I grazed the chessboard in school
during lunch detention
you were there when I played video games with my cousin
you were there during late night smoke sessions
between every puff
every high
every munchy feeling
every joke
every subtle laugh,
every good moment.
You
you were all there.
and I ask
why god, why?
why must you let these people
let me become who I never was?
change me into someone I'll never be?
Why are they still here?
like having a 6th sense
I see them
every part of them
too many of them
everywhere in my life.
in the most minute sense
and the smallest sob.
But unlike regular demons and ghosts
I cannot cast you away
I cannot exorcise myself
into a better lifetime
and so,
I let the ghosts rise
the skeletons collect
dusted in my closet
I let them
because maybe one day
they will let me too.