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violet brownlee Nov 2017
I had ignored him for a long time;

But it hadn’t made me feel any better.

Not seeing him was like a white sheet over my face;

Annoying yet comforting in a sense of coldness.



He knew why I left;

He knew what I was.

The only time I will see him will be at the end;

And we will be both very happy and very sad.



As I see him now, cold and ******;

I think of the lonely run home I have.

He died with a smile;

I was so foolish.



I loved him, he loved me;

But I had grown to the thought that boys couldn’t love.

Rain was how I felt;

How many days has it been since I’ve seen him?
violet brownlee Dec 2017
Children feel everything
They stop to touch and smell and take sense of
But when the concept of pain arrives,
people assume kids are numb

They say that I don't have large problems,
that I am ignorant to feeling
If a child burns themselves,
do they feel it?
Do they cry like you would?
Do they scream at the top of their lungs like you would?

Or would they stand there, silently,
because they are not allowed pain
Kids are innocent,
but only as long as you let them
So if I work hard, and then need a day,
your complaints are invalid,
because I listen to yours

I miss things because of pain,
because of the things I've been through
And there are some things that you can't even begin to imagine

I wish to dream a dream of assumption,
and never have painful truths
When the night is dark and chill,
and you hear a child scream,
you walk away

Because children don't feel pain,
but you feel the guilt
and it's shown like an open sign
when I look into your eyes
Somehow I know there was pain
and you left

Now I leave you
to feel like a numb child
With a mind like a sponge
and the only things keeping you alive
is love and hope

The world leaves you now,
to look up into the universe
and wonder to yourself,
"What did I do?" as it slaps you
As the blood drips down,
you think of diversions to cope,
because you are not allowed to feel pain

Because you were just born
all those years ago
And all that is keeping you together
is the back of a hand and numbness

Children feel always
I was ***** when I was little, so this is a bit about that and a bit about assumption of children and bit about child abuse. take it as you wish
violet brownlee Nov 2017
He breathes in the fumes

Of all the radioactive poison he creates

Like a green skinned dragon

He kills himself slowly



It hurts him to see

All of you living without his pain

But to you he is only

The number thirteen

Haunting like a ghost



A bone faced man he is

A toxic blood man he seems

Like a moth drawn to a flame

Death calls him

As though it were a dog’s bark



He listens to music

That makes you cut your wrists

And scream like banshees

It makes him feel alive



This man is the sickness

We know as darkness

Living in his blackness

Is like jumping from a cliff



Tears can’t heal him

No matter how many

Times they fall down



Life shattered his soul

Death is too weak

His safe place is gone

He only knows how to coast numbly



Love slips through

His fingers each time

Like an eel

Through fresh mud



The door slams behind him

As he enters his home

But it holds no comfort

Only the loss of it all

We wishes he had a gun

To shoot his mouth off



Possibly he could grab

A knife from the kitchen

And slit his throat

But his hands shake

And his stomach knots

That is not the way to end



His thoughts are as clear and

Dark as tar

Sticky and grimy they are



There is no

Hope for this

Toxic man

But the image of everyone

Slitting their throats

Makes him smile
I wrote this kind of based on my experience with drug addiction, while I was a drug addict
violet brownlee May 2018
Losing hearts
Broken eyes

Scattered dreams
Forgotten loves

Piercing depths
Clawing demons

Weeping angels
Dying messages

Gnawing rats
Shattering inks

Missing roses
Falling dames

Singing sirens
Sleeping wishes
violet brownlee Nov 2017
This is my last vow to you

The Ravens flash below my eyes

I do not know what it is to rise or fall

What are the fallen?

Angels who rebel?

Or demons who love?



Death knocked on my door

He was asking about you

He wanted to know when you’ll be with him

I said, “Soon enough.”

Death smiled at me and said that I will miss you

Death smiled at me and said it felt as though I was him



This is my last bow to you

The Music sings inside my eyes

I do not know what it is to live or die

What are the dead?

People who love?

Or animals who rebel?



I said, “Soon enough.”

Death took me

Cared for me

And now I am dead

I am hoping you can hear me

I am hoping you still love me
violet brownlee Nov 2017
Here in the Valley of Shadow stands the Angel of Death, who hath grown accustomed to its utter dark and dismal atmosphere.

But the Angel of Death wears a melancholy expression, for before him stands a young, beautiful angel, whose light and purity often give reason to shun the dark being that towers over her, but not her.

She, this perfect and delicate angel, offers a hand in unity to the Angel of Death.

Why does he not take her hand?

What holds him back, fear, perhaps guilt that he knows what evil lies beneath his bones?

Is he afraid that if he touches her, he will taint her pure being with the blackness he radiates?

Whatever the reason may be, he stands, deciding whether or not to embrace the angel offer of friendship and compassion, or to deny her and sink back into the darkness that consumes him.
i like to live in darkness
violet brownlee Dec 2019
We knew each other in a past life
I could feel the pull to her,
On the first night I asked if she was okay
And that was that

The universe took our fates and crossed them
Our souls forever connected
Wondering in what time we loved as well
A time less complicated

Who were we?
Lovers? Enemies?
What brought us together on that fateful night?

It feels like we met at the perfect time
A time when we needed a friend
Why then?
Why us?
What's the plan?

She doesn't believe in falling in love
But I wonder if she believes in soulmates?
violet brownlee Dec 2019
There is something to be said about pain
How the simplest things can make your heart sink
That pit in your stomach
And the tingling in your jaw

There are times when I think I should have kept my mouth shut
And my heart pure
It makes me wonder if when I die,
Will my family build me a tomb
Or throw me away like trash

This is why pain hurts
It makes you think
And with all the thoughts I have
I can't help but wonder
How I could ever deserve her
How with all the pain I've endured
And the thoughts I have
She always decides to stay

I don't offer much but take all she gives
So why do I feel pain when she does?
Why can't I live without her?

My heart aches for her
And that leads me to wonder why she hurts
What her thoughts are
And why she needs me

If my heart is a wick, then she is the flame
A warmth that melts away my walls
And burns my fears to ash

So why do I hurt when I think of her?
Is the fear of losing or pushing her away?
What if I never said "hello"?
Would we be alive?
Would we have felt this pain?

She holds my hear in her hands
A light squeeze to let me know
She'll never let go

There's something to be said about love
How it always hurts
And is somehow more painful than death
violet brownlee Nov 2017
If somebody asks you

If you are ‘insane’

What do you answer with?



‘Yes’ is too dangerous

‘No’ and they will judge you

Or do you say ‘Maybe’

And leave them terrified?



Choose any way and you are silenced



But what if

You answer in white noise, radio static

And silence?

Do they fear you?

Or do you fear yourself?



So I ask you this:

If somebody asks you

If you are ‘drowning’

What do you answer with?
0_0 wat-idon'trememberwritingthis

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