I walked slowly

Only stopping for you

Maybe you can wake me

Maybe you can save me



“Oh, dear Sleepwalker,”

You said calmly,

“How long do you walk for?”



For you, my sweet

For you, my love

I walk for you

Falling from my mind into my soul

My voice hidden behind the curtain

Skeletons in my closet and closed inside caskets

                        

Raindrops on windowpanes

Flower blooms on the cold corpse

Tears on my black cat

Sobs muffled by shirt sleeves



My life falling

Starboard from the ocean to the abyss

Making do with the sadness that hangs

Breathing the stale air that chokes us



Remember the time we lied?

An apple dropping onto a lemon

Halloween being the best and worst day ever

Blacks, blues, and yellows too, showing up on soft skin



Clowns frowning on children

Monsters clawing from under beds

Dead leaves rustle in the autumn wind

This is my last vow to you

The Ravens flash below my eyes

I do not know what it is to rise or fall

What are the fallen?

Angels who rebel?

Or demons who love?



Death knocked on my door

He was asking about you

He wanted to know when you’ll be with him

I said, “Soon enough.”

Death smiled at me and said that I will miss you

Death smiled at me and said it felt as though I was him



This is my last bow to you

The Music sings inside my eyes

I do not know what it is to live or die

What are the dead?

People who love?

Or animals who rebel?



I said, “Soon enough.”

Death took me

Cared for me

And now I am dead

I am hoping you can hear me

I am hoping you still love me

I had ignored him for a long time;

But it hadn’t made me feel any better.

Not seeing him was like a white sheet over my face;

Annoying yet comforting in a sense of coldness.



He knew why I left;

He knew what I was.

The only time I will see him will be at the end;

And we will be both very happy and very sad.



As I see him now, cold and ******;

I think of the lonely run home I have.

He died with a smile;

I was so foolish.



I loved him, he loved me;

But I had grown to the thought that boys couldn’t love.

Rain was how I felt;

How many days has it been since I’ve seen him?

I met a boy in the city today

He showed me his smile

I showed him my heart



The boy was kind enough to take my heart

But only to find out that it bleeds

The boy took my bleeding heart and threw it away



I felt so much pain

He showed me his eyes

And I showed him my soul



The boy found my soul and hugged it

But then swallowed it whole

He gulped it down like cough syrup



I cried at the city boy

He showed me his heart

It was a bandaged thing



I screamed at the city boy

He showed me his soul

It was a blackened thing



I met a boy in the city today

He showed me his monster

I showed him my demon

If somebody asks you

If you are ‘insane’

What do you answer with?



‘Yes’ is too dangerous

‘No’ and they will judge you

Or do you say ‘Maybe’

And leave them terrified?



Choose any way and you are silenced



But what if

You answer in white noise, radio static

And silence?

Do they fear you?

Or do you fear yourself?



So I ask you this:

If somebody asks you

If you are ‘drowning’

What do you answer with?

“Never tell a lie.”

They say

But, oh how they are wrong



“Never commit a crime.”

They say

But is being alone a crime?



Contemplating whether to say home

Or take a hold of my life?

Can you be all by yourself?

And win a medal for mind games?



“Get up, get up, get up.”

I tell myself

But how can I?

When my legs are broken?



“Go to sleep and find your dreams.”

Your mother says

But what if

My dream is to stay awake forever?



Winter is colder than summer

But is it more carefree?



I can’t help but wonder

What’s it’s like to lock my doors

How can I when my insides are frozen?



“They care about you.”

My heart says

But how I can tell

How much time has passed when all

My clocks are broken?



“Hide all your fears.”

My mind tells me

Oh, if only you knew

That my fear is you



**** your friend

And you’re a murderer

**** yourself

And you become a coward



They all need me now

And I can’t stand up

Because my mind is crying

Out for help



I need them all now

So I can find life

In my darker deaths