virididaemonium

virididaemonium Sep 2021

The rest of the world turns, and I no longer with it.
My body shall decay amongst the rest,
if I get lucky, flora may sprout from my grave.

Death is a natural thing,
all our stories come to an inevitable end,
leaving behind nothing but a faceless tombstone
and the memories of others,
until one day they die too.

But we do not live to die,
we live to live,
to learn and grow
and be the people we are.

My story is over,
but yours are not,
so celebrate my life,
dance on my grave if you must,
and forget me,
only so that you may live
as well as I once did.

virididaemonium Jan 2021

the fall

i'm used to it,
the slow descent.

first you notice how his smile lights up the room,
how his face creases and eyebrows lift with confusion,
how his hands are always in some sort of movement,
conducting the energy around him.
finally, you begin to think
about a life in his arms.

but this isn’t that,
i’m falling, hard and fast, and it terrifies me.
this wasn’t supposed to happen, not this soon.
i was supposed to grow and learn to love myself before anyone else.
but now, he’s here,
and he’s all i can think about.

he blinds me with late night calls and video games,
ropes me into his ring of ******,
grabs my hand, and tells me that i’m the only one.
he oozes reassurance, but i can’t help and doubt it all.

850 miles away, and a part of me knows it will never work out.
as fast as he came, he will go.
but i will never leave, for i am a weak coward,
i will play his games as the noose tightens around my neck,
and he leaves me to rot in a false sense of confidence.

virididaemonium Jan 2021

A Dance To Remember

I blink
The smooth cadence of ballroom music vibrates the perfectly polished marble floor
I know the steps by now, it’s practically muscle memory
I look up, and see him again, the fifth this night, only to be thrown away

I blink
We’ve switched partners, I cannot see his face, but I know of the smile that stretches wide underneath his mask
I know of those familiar devilish eyes that pick apart my body
That devour it, sneer at it, and pass it onto the next partner without hesitation

I blink
He twirls me this time, pulls me into his hands, fingers linger on my waist a little longer than most would feel comfortable
He scoffs, and again, I am thrown to the next

virididaemonium Dec 2020

It Lies

the feeling of contentment is a lie
this feeling isn’t serenity, peaceful, or reflective, just resentful
resentful that i must exist in a world where my dreams are unreachable
where i can’t fly through the sky, crush mountains, and read minds
where i can’t bend reality to my will, drink the sea, and predict the future
where i can’t learn to love my body for what it is, find pure and genuine love, and just. be. happy.

harsh reality drips through the cracks in my delicate mind
actuality burns the beautiful forest built by my own hands
i screech in desperation, i don’t want to leave, please don’t make me leave
raw terror rips my heart out and yanks me to the surface
forever dooming me to a life of authenticity, not the one perfectly constructed in my head

i watch as the world passes by, a shell of my previous self
each bystander with their own little reality, determining what’s real and what's fake
they worship unproven ideas and favorable theories
nothing is real, and so belief is sacred

— The End —