all the wishing
i do doesn't
seem to do any good
because you are gone
you left me forever
goodbye, love
i hope you're happy
because i'm not

she's always depressed
and for one reason
he's not here
and never will be
so her tears fall
smudging her mascara
and blinding her eyes

sometimes
i put on my earphones
and turn my music on
playing all the sad songs
that remind me of you
and i cry until i cannot
sometimes
i wish you'd just return
and love me once again

i feel relaxed
each time
i vent
my feelings
and usually
when i write
its all
about you
and how
my heart
longs for
your love

you always
remind me of
a puzzle piece
i can never quite
figure you out

everybody likes
that locket of mine
with its jeweled heart
but i stopped wearing it
i stuffed it in my jewelry box
because it contains your picture
and if you had loved me you wouldn't
have moved away
you would have texted me
you would have called me today
but instead you still ignore me
even though you have moved away
it doesn't matter
because i don't have
any friends anymore to
be betrayed by
because i only had you

healing takes a long time
but i'm finally
healing
slowly but surely
i'm feeling less and less pain
the scars on my wrists
and on my heart are healing
maybe even one day
i'll be happy again
who knows

sometimes all
you need on a
cold day
is a cup of
green tea
a burgundy fuzzy throw
and a notebook
and gel pen
to write your
poetry in

i have been
through so much
pressure in life
that i just
feel weak
and sick
and sad
i just feel
miserable
my body
tells me
to give up

my phone
types my poetry
it helps me to
pour out my feelings
and vent my thoughts
my phone helps me
to write the things
that are stored
inside my broken heart

i like to write about
everything that
reminds me of you

as the raindrops fall
upon my window
and i think of you
my vision becomes blurred

afraid of the dark
afraid of you
afraid of pain
i'm afraid of everything
and i most assuredly am
afraid of you
and how you hurt me
i am not going
to let it happen
again

the smell of woodsmoke
fills the cold
and bitter air

pain
intense pain
is felt
when blood
trickles down
my cracked lips
yet the pain i
experience daily
from my broken heart
hurts one hundred
times more
than the blood
that gushes
from my lips
or my arms

you threw me
across the room
and yelled at me
immediately pain
was felt on my back
and sides of my waist
you picked me up
and threw me again
my head hit the gray wall
i put my hand to the back
of my head
after a few minutes
i withdrew my hand
it was covered in rich red blood
i had a sickening feeling
in my stomach
and i felt like throwing up
why do you have to be
so mean to me, Mom
especially when i love you
and you treat me terribly?
what did i do wrong?

that familiar
scent of coffee
reminds me of you
and how much
i miss not seeing you
will you ever come back?

my wrists
spill blood
just like my pen
spills inky words
onto my notepad

i know it's hopeless
but i still wish
you would come back
i miss you so much

i keep wishing
you were here
but you never
will be and that
is what hurts
that is what cuts
so very deeply
when will you
come back, love?
oh, that's right
you never will

after all my feelings
of being hurt
and broken
feeling like i'm
all alone
after weeping
in my bedroom
no one knows or cares
after all i have been through
i finally don't feel a thing
i am beginning to feel numb

i have been feeling depressed
these last few days
i don't know what to do
because i'm drowning in sorrow
my days of happiness are forever gone
i don't know what to do
the light has vanished
from my slanted eyes
i'm sinking further into depression
i can feel it nearly choking me
i have a sickening feeling
in the pit of my stomach
i am feeling so very depressed
these days and i can't take it no more
i'm literally trapped inside of depression
and i cannot find my way out again
help me someone help me please
i don't know what to do
i'm drowning in depression
and heartache
help me
or will this be
my final goodbye?

those words
they cut like
a blade deep
into my heart
into my very soul
those words
they made me
cry aloud inside
the darkness of
my lonely room
at midnight
those words
linger in my mind
for days and days
there is no way
to possibly erase
all the cruel things
you've said about me
those words pierce me
they pierce my very core
and they will always hurt me
but the worse thing is
that you never ever
took them back
you never said
you were sorry
not even once

yesterday
i went rummaging
through a box of photos
i happened to accidentally
find a photo of your
most handsome profile
i nearly threw up
the thought of seeing you
made me feel sad
and made me feel
like throwing up
tonight i think
i'll burn that picture of you
along with any other
photos of us or you
i hate thinking about it
and how you made me happy
leave me, ben
i remember how
i loved you
yet you hurt me
go away!
i never want
to see
your photo again
ever

i ran into a room
the floor was made
of broken glass
reminding me
of my broken heart
rose colored shades were
pulled over the windows
it seemed everything was
made of glass in some way
all of my broken dreams and
destroyed wishes are like the broken
glass which cuts my hands and feet
i remembered the day you first told me
that you loved me
and then i remembered
how you betrayed me
sending me text messages
saying you hate me
and so my heart is now
like the broken glass
on the floor of my
destroyed dreams
and lost love

sadness is more
than just a tear
you wipe away

sadness comes
tugging at my heart
dark thoughts
make me cry
as i remember you
just thinking about you
makes me sit up in bed
and weep until the tears
won't come anymore
broken cries and tired screams
well into the night
will no one understand the pain?
does no one even care?
dark thoughts
last well into the night
and i keep crying
weeping and wailing
out my intense pain

the color of
your eyes
bleed into the
color of raindrops

why is it
that fear always
finds a reason
to embrace me
even when i
hope it doesn't?
i hate fear
but it seems
to like me
it can't get away
from me
no matter how
hard i try
i finally give up
and give in
to fear

i'm drowning in
heartbreak
and my own tears
i'm tired of this pain
constantly stabbing me
to the rhythm
of my beating heart
i'm drowning in misery
and loneliness
all because of you
you were my only friend
and now you ignore me
leaving me alone
i'm drowning
in my own pain
someone help me

the wounds
on my wrists
are healed
where i used
to cut
now can i just
heal my heart too?

no one cares
that i hurt inside
no one seems to care
about the pain i hide
no ones ever cared
it would be much better
if i just died

all the times
we wrote letters
and held hands
while eating lunch
in the school cafeteria
all the many times
you said i was your friend
when i'd cry you'd comfort me
now you're not here
and there's no shoulder for my tears
and they fall freely
from my slanted eyes
and moisten my black hair
i'm crying and cannot stop
because you're not here

you were so
beautiful
i remember
your beautiful
handsome face
haunting my dreams
at night when i'm asleep

my love never
ever died for you
even when yours
died for me
i still miss you
and love you
please come back

i would give
most anything
to be by your side
just one more time

you're not here
to make me stop
all my friends
have gone away
leaving me alone
no one understands
the secret pain
that i feel
because it hide it
inside my heart

i wish you would
come back
because i miss you
more than anything

sometimes
all i want to do
is curl up
with a mug
of green tea
to just relax
and take it easy
if but for a few minutes
to cast all my
worries aside
just to have
a few minutes
of peace and
relaxation
just to have a quiet time
without depression
or a broken heart
how i long
just a few minutes
without stress
or emotional pain
just one time
please

i'm screaming out
my pain
tears streaming
down my red cheeks
i'm hot from
getting all worked up
but i can't help it
i scream with all my might
until i loose my voice
tears fall from my eyes
soaking my jeans
and hitting the floor

my heart used to soar
upon angel wings
but now both my heart
and my wings
are broken
will i ever heal?

i have stopped
cutting but
i haven't stopped
hurting inside
my heart is still
broken

i feel like crying
but i'm not
only on the inside

lips are quivering
teeth are chattering
i am cold
my heart is numb
from all the pain
i've been through
and all the hardships
i've endured
and one of
the greatest ones
was when you left

everything about you
your eyes piercing mine
your glares in response
to my warm smiles
made me bleed inside
when i go home at night
and think of you
i sit in my bedroom
with my razor in hand
and start cutting
little beads of blood appear
to me it's just a red liquid
to others it signifies pain
to me it means relief
from pressure and stress
it's one of the only times
i can disappear
from my familiar surroundings
and vanish into a world
without pain

today my heart
felt empty inside
i felt so miserable
i miss you
do you know it?
you probably do
and just don't care
you're in love with her
it is obvious
other students can tell
you don't like
me anymore
i sat at my desk
tears blurred my vision
and spilled onto
my school papers
i felt like running away
or disappearing
because you are there
i can't get you
out of my sight
or out of my head
you're always there
smiling across the room
at her
you were my only
true friend
now i have
lost you
because you
ignore me
and now
i haven't any friends
and that is why
you see me
huddled in the corner
of my bedroom
alone

i drew out
my steal blade
and slashed
my wrists
blood bubbled
from my skin
and trickled
down my arm

i keep thinking
about you
and loving
everyday of my life
i miss you