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Mar 2018 · 307
It wasn’t that
Violet Wade Mar 2018
It wasnt that i didnt love you
It wasnt that

It wasnt that i didnt want you
It wasnt that

It was...

It was only that my heart
Stopped beating in time with yours

That every touch
Was painful jarring

That i pulled one way,
And you another

That every kiss
Tasted like goodbye

And I knew that
I needed to leave
Because you would never send me away

It wasnt that i didnt love you
It wasnt that
Mar 2018 · 229
I don’t need poetry
Violet Wade Mar 2018
I don't need poetry

Well,
That may not be true.

But poetry certainly does not need me.
Mar 2018 · 221
Your socks are still here
Violet Wade Mar 2018
I wish that your smell didn't still
Linger around me like a phantom
I wish that your kiss wasn't still imprinted on my cheek
Or tickling my neck like a softly woven scarf
I wish I didn't still feel your awkwardness
Clinging to me when I see friends,
That I didn't run home to the absence of your embrace every time I get scared, which is a lot since you left
Your socks sneak into my drawers
And snuggle into mine,
Folding into little laundered intimacies
It's been over year
Can you believe that?
I want to run into your arms and tell you that but I haven't touched you in longer than I care to remember.
God I miss you
I miss having a home
In your smile,
Taking comfort in the warmth of your body under my sheets.
I taste you every morning in my coffee
In my warm pumpkin salad lunches,
At dinner with wine
At all hours on my lips.
You don't know it, but you are with me as I steal expensive groceries,
You feel the thrill as I escape the checkout again.
You stole my heart, it's a clumsy metaphor but you did it,
On that first date you nicked a cheap telescope and through its blur we watched the world lose its focus,
Everything but us
Lost focus
And I still can't see it,
I can't see the world around me
Anymore
And now the memories of you are blurred too,
Either by time or by the tears
I can't tell.

When I was upset you would refuse to leave me alone,
As if you were afraid I'd drown in my own tears if you weren't there to hold me up
Now I am alone and I don't even know
Whether or not I did drown
Or if I will soon
You aren't holding me up anymore,
Instead you are pulling at me desperately, painfully,
Possessively
Heartbreak is jealous of every moment not consumed with it
I am still caught in the web of our codependence, spun and dried out,
No longer burning with poison
But consumed instead with empty death
Have you ever seen the shell of an insect left behind by a spider?
I have
You already know that I felt a strange solidarity with it.
Please call me back,
Even if its just to say goodbye.
I need new words to echo round my empty shell,
Words that aren't "I'd be nothing without you"
"I need you"
"I will always love you"

Please, just give me the sound of your voice saying "its over"
Or "you are beautiful,
The world is gloriously open and new when you are alone"

And you would open your arms and uncurl your fingers,
Not to embrace me,
But to finally let me go.
I am ready-please set me free.
Mar 2018 · 209
She Soars
Violet Wade Mar 2018
She said it was too heavy
  the burden of life.

She said it was too heavy
And she cast it off


And now it's too heavy to hold
     Her absence
A great aching chasm  

She soars
       Stingray spirit


I hope it doesn't hurt
          Any more.
Mar 2018 · 188
Untitled
Violet Wade Mar 2018
Don't say he ruined me.
He didn't
He took something without invitation
He stole
He sullied himself

I will not speak his name
I will not give him power

I will not have you define me
By his actions

I am not lessened
Or depraved
By his trespass

I am simply angry
At his presumption
That by taking from me
He would have me

I am not a possession
I am not to be owned

I am still my own agent
And his name shall not be spoken with mine
Mar 2018 · 258
Eclipse
Violet Wade Mar 2018
the night bows
    to the darkening moon
        crickets sing
            in rhythmic prayer
                 the air seems to hum
                    and float thicker about us
                        in awe of luna’s pull
                          the brightness of night
                          succumbs eerily,
                        quietly
                      but with a deep
                    and resounding
                thumping  
            that beats from our own hearts
       as the moon is swallowed
in rusty shadows
Mar 2018 · 227
Scars
Violet Wade Mar 2018
We are so busy hiding our scars
That we do not realise they make us who we are
I am not a motorbike accident
Or a continuous bumping into cabinets

But I AM what survived

These imperfections are testament
That I am still alive

I could ramble and rhyme
Keeping time
With an inane Bush poetry beat

But the truth is more profound
than predictable rhythms

Wearing these scars is more proof
Than I will ever need
That I have truly fought to be free
May 2013 · 668
summer moon
Violet Wade May 2013
The summer moon
Bla bla bla
Profoundly
Jan 2013 · 1.9k
Broken legs a non poem
Violet Wade Jan 2013
My bones are shattered porcelains
And Dr Frankenstein is recreating
My body from the toes up

I have more screws than tarsals
More plates than fibulas
More scars than cracked paint on derelict homes

Greens, yellows, blues, blacks and purple
Dye my leg in splendid hues
Plaster decorates my toes and pokes under my knees

Pins and needles tingle constantly
But these are made of steel as well as
Peripheral neuropathy

My hospital discharge form
Reads like poetry
Displaced tibea

Goes on adventure and brings back
Swollen instead of souvenirs
And crushed ligaments as testament

To broken steps they have fallen on
Perhaps it is not as profound as sunsets or romance
But I am finding beauty in pain

Intricacies in injury
And the limits of my creativity
To distract from nightmares

Of how this happened
And to drown out the hungry goblins
Deep in my guts demanding opiates

Like drunken teenagers
They loot my stash and trash my viscera
Legal or not I'm still a ******

Writing poetry rather than sleeping-
Confronting demons with stanzas.
Over screams I am armed with the arsenals

Of metaphor, personification and symbolism
Whatever the pain, my posse of poetry and prose
Has always got my back
Jan 2013 · 1.5k
Fireworks
Violet Wade Jan 2013
Fireworks
Paint the sky
With glitter
Dec 2012 · 1.1k
Roadmap
Violet Wade Dec 2012
On my wrist
You trace a roadmap
Of your heart.

There are winds
And turns
And potholes

Where past loves
Have been
Here,

The road is
Cordoned off
And forward,

Endless sunsets
Over mountain peaks
And the sun

Rising over sea
And shore.
Your story

Comes in whispers
And sighs
The occasional

Gasping intensity
Of eyes
Meeting eyes.

Your hand
Strays from my wrist
To wisps of hair

That have broken
Free
To dance in the breeze

Of your breath
That hangs
Ever close to my neck.
Dec 2012 · 728
Poem For You
Violet Wade Dec 2012
Do not still your heart
To the thrill of life-
Instead, learn the art
Of enjoying strife.

Be as a snowflake:
Completely unique.
Do what ever it takes-
Even being a freak.

Smile at rainbows,
Dance for the stars.
Go wherever your heart goes
And love who you are.

This is a gift for you,
Don't ever ever forget
To be wild, free and true
And never ever regret

A single moment.
Dec 2012 · 1.2k
Bite
Violet Wade Dec 2012
Our words weave between us like spider's webs,
Beautiful traps,
Delicate,
Hostile.

Strong, silk like sinews
Threading a dangerous lace

And I am caught
In the web of your promises,
Hanging helplessly

Whilst you spin ceaselessly
Around me
Preparing to **** out

Every last breath,
Every last protest.

But you needn't imprison me,
I have been yours from the first
Smile I saw pass your lips,

From even before your lies of love.

Perhaps it is only neurotoxins
That make me quiver and shake,
But you course through my blood

Like moonstruck tides
And I am yours, willingly or not.
Jun 2012 · 1.1k
John Smith's Lament
Violet Wade Jun 2012
A shadow rises like a cloud
On the horizons of my consciousness and
Charts a course in whispers…

Although I hack my track alive
I seldom weep,
As captive tears held back
One thousand times
I bid them shower over you.

For this is neither love
Nor hate
Or any such extreme

But approximately friendship
The valley in between that tempts
Each others' graves like mountain flowers.
This poem does not belong to me. It was dictated to me by a nameless man on the side of the street who seemed to pluck it from thin air. He asked me to publish it and claim it as my own. I do not claim to have written it, but I will share the words as they still give me shivers.
Jun 2012 · 817
Untitled
Violet Wade Jun 2012
Between us
Every moment lapses
Into the agony of desire
Jun 2012 · 2.4k
The story of a wild woman
Violet Wade Jun 2012
The birds are singing before I’ve found my way to sleep.
I’ve curled myself around my waiting dreams and a purring cat
But something inside me won’t stop,
There are words struggling to be freed from the confines of my skin
And so, I turn on my laptop and dutifully type.
I must let these words write themselves, lest their nagging never cease.
I am a servant to the stories bottled up in my head.
Sometimes they send me on great adventures to amuse themselves.
Sometimes the stories throw me into crazy situations, make me go home
With wild men, or salacious women.
The stories will only be satisfied by excess, rebellion and insanity.
Am I these things? Am I this wild being?
This night sprite?
A slave to the foolish urges of unwritten stories?
Yes.
I have chosen to run the winds and let down my hair, long and luscious
To throw myself urgently into the chaos of living
To be always on the precipice of being and creation.
For I want stories to spill from me like blood from my veins,
Or breath from my lungs.
I want to be the greatest story I’ve ever told.
I want one day to lay on my dying bed, laughing at the things I have done.
I want my memory to be a reason to dance and to scream,
My name an abbreviation of cautionary tale.
I want always to burn with passion
And never deny the heat between my legs
Or the inspiration in my heart
For I am the story of a wild woman.
Jun 2012 · 1.4k
A poet
Violet Wade Jun 2012
Some poets have degrees,
Be they Bachelors or Phds.
But a poet, a poet is really qualified by experience,

And the ability to distil language to the dance of written form,
To transpose observations into song.
Etching stretches of moments too short,

Into something long enough to match the longing for it.
Weaving yearning with touches of genius,
Abstracting epiphanies from cracks in the pavement,

Extending the halls of learning by
Stencilling truths onto toilet walls,
So that even to **** is to experience the profound.

A poet is one who can make meaning out of madness,
Pluck obscurities from the air, exposing the  bindings of being,
Or explain how words, in their whirling make the world go round.

But a poet,  a poet does not understand that ache inside,
That ache that drives them to write, to whisper and to yell
Words, metaphors and similies, in the constant attempt

To quantify that special kind of hell,
That haunts them, as ravings in their head,
That inspiration that is their constant torment.


And sometimes, sometimes its heaven instead,
But that’s when it’s hardest to write
Because suffering, when transformed to stanzas,

Is somehow easier to ignite
Than that intangible something we call joy.
For something as simple as a smile

Cannot be matched by any extravaganza
Of words no matter how we try.
But a poet,  a poet will spend lifetimes trying

To describe that very sensation, that fleeting
Sense of something greater than oneself, greater,
Even than the offerings left in ink at the poet’s
Altar of a page.

And sometimes it will be so hard, this attempt to transcribe
Emotion into a form decipherable to others  
That the poet will feel only rage,

And exhaustion,
Till even the point of the pen begins to expire
But a poet, a poet, even in the pits of despair,
Does not retire,

For there, lingering somewhere
Above in the air, is a glimmer of truth
Just waiting to be shared.
Jun 2012 · 1.2k
Solipsis
Violet Wade Jun 2012
I see no past,
no future.
No way in or out,
Only labyrinths
of riddle and rhyme,
With sphinxes lurking
And looming
Amusing, strange.
Seeking ways
to pass the time.

I see no past,
no future.
And thus nothing changes;
I am still sitting here,
In this void of mine.

Stuck in a maze of ink,
the letters
coming together as words
to form prison sentences.

Sleep is distant.

Sanity is a mirage.

And there are no faces here.
Only unending, ever winding
Phrases that lead back to
Themselves.

In a solipsistic haze
I phase in and out
Of knowing.
Or believing in
The existence of
anything
Beyond my words.

When thoughts themselves
May even be false,
Who is to say
We are not our minds?
For if we are not-
What then?

If I do not exist
Can my imprints
Mean anything?
Or are you just reading
From the delusion
of your own mind?
Jun 2012 · 551
only my words
Violet Wade Jun 2012
Only my words touch you
Were that it could be my lips
Jun 2012 · 444
Untitled
Violet Wade Jun 2012
Between us
Every moment lapses
Into the agony of desire.
Jun 2012 · 651
Paradox
Violet Wade Jun 2012
I miss you.
It’s that simple.
But, like every good cliché,
It’s true.

But it's truth
that's gone astray.

I can’t seem to
Comprehend
Just why exactly
Did it end?

I tried to move on
To the next
(And very nearly succeeded)
It’s complex,
But honestly,
I never really wanted to.

Because, all things
Conceded,
After him,
I still wanted you.

What we had,
I can’t define it.
Because in all your attempts
To refine it-
To what?
To something not
Definable as romance?

In all that,
I never had the chance
To say that I don’t care
About labels, or stigmas
Or even the promises
And fables.

I just want
To be able
To be
With you.
In a park,
In a bed,
In a car.

But we got stuck
Somewhere between hazy words
And what we actually are.

Sure, I miss the ***
(You know I always
Loved that part).

And though I lament,
I never really meant
For you to be mine.
So, you will never
Really be my ex.

I can never lose you,
Nor need to find you.
I cannot miss you-
For we are never
Truly apart.

You are,
As always,
In my heart.
Jun 2012 · 604
My lover is a nightmare
Violet Wade Jun 2012
My lover is a nightmare

From which I wish to never wake.
Oh but if only I could change
The landscapes of our dreams.

To brighter days I plot escapes,
But always it seems,
His darkness is our fate.

I imagine us free
And happy whilst he
Plunges into grief.

It is as if his mind
Is a bully
A taunting thief,

Always ready
to remind me
Of the shadows that we keep

Yet if you were
To tell me we are asleep
I would clench shut my eyes
And refuse to rise.

For it may be dark,
It may be frightening
But at least we are not apart.
Jun 2012 · 705
Insomnia
Violet Wade Jun 2012
The houses are all asleep
As in a waking dream I pass
At night my mind is dark

Knowing not what eyes have seen
The farce of life
Winds, twists and streams.

I am exhaustion;
Forever awake,
Ever trapped by sleep.

The question is not of how
Or when to rest.
But why, when I do, I cannot.

He is clever, this thief of dreams
He plunders, he plows
Then leaves to rot my sleep.

Awaiting, forever lurking,
Defending his feast
The beast would eat
my eyelids if he could.


I am insomnia,
Awake in the nightmare
Afraid of the dark.

— The End —