Yesterday I decided not to write that note
And it seemed as if that choice
Created a shadow behind me.

The shadow stalked me all day,
Hiding inside other shadows
That had long been following me.

It was odd to me that there was no body
Which cast the numerous shadows,
And so their existence vexed me.

I spent most of my day contemplating
The note's shadow, watching all the shadows,
And looking into them as they looked at me.

As the long day wore on, the shadows grew
And grew and grew and grew
Until a monster stood against me.

The night fell hard;
I was surrounded by the shadows as they,
In their confederacy, attacked me.

They attacked with shadowy claws
And cut deep, and they attacked
With painful shrieks – They tortured me.

I closed my eyes to them
To rest in quiet shadows of my own design;
That is what saved me.

The shadow monsters assaulted me all night –
They pressed hard against my body
And when I dared to open my eyes, they were me.

All shadows were gone, and my own forgotten,
Now a layer of flesh, so thin
Is all that surrounded me.

I

There's a bitter taste in my mouth
As the bride, in all her radiance,
Marches down the aisle, victory
Trailing behind her.

My throat burns and vision blurs
And when asked to object, I'm too late.
So I leave with the “I do”'s
Trailing behind me.

Who ever heard of an open bar
before a wedding?
Who ever heard of a cake
with a stolen groom?
I have. I have.

I have heard years of laughter
And heard the hesitant cheers
And heard the hallowed wedding bells
Trailing behind, driving away.

II

In the car I run
My fingers over smooth plastic
Features and remark,
Through drunken tongue:
How real this feels!

Hammurabi was right –
An eye for an eye
Makes the whole world right.

Stolen groom for stolen groom;
The cake still clings to his feet
And in the distance, church bells.
Married before God, and here is tribute –
Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's!
And remember, thou art mortal.
Yet I feel like Jupiter
With my idol in my hand.




III

This plastic idol, I'll melt it down
And take it in, in, in,
Drink it down like poison,
Poison I've already felt before!
Prepare to take notes on its effects:
It will burn like one sided solemn vows
And it will cling to my throat like promises,
Promises only I kept and he forgot
Faster than he could melt down.

When I said “I'll love you forever”
I intended to keep it true.
I'll love him longer than the plastic,
Clinging to my throat, will exist.
As the molten idol goes down, words come up:
“I love you” (Always).

This is how my heart was broken.
This is how my heart was broken.
Not with the bang of slammed doors
But with a whimper of defeat.
There was no sudden impact and
Like Icarus in the Field
I swam to dry land only to be alone
With my wax wings,
Melted and useless and heavy.

This is how my heart was broken.
This is how my heart was broken.
Not with a bang but a whimper
And a cry and nights spent alone
Waiting for a text or call or
A sign of life where there is none.
I am no Lazarus; I will not return
From the worms and the dirt.
I am transformed forever, dear Jesus.

This is how my heart was broken.
This is how my heart was broken.
This is how my heart was broken.

Ah, the smell of wilting roses
And the falling of the brown dead leaves
And the drying of the oceans as the world,
Once full of vigor and life, dies –
It fills me with the utmost joy!
For when the sun turns to embers
And all the animals fall into cracks
Formed by the dry grounds shrink
You and I will lay together, all of us together,
At the shores of the evaporating seas and
All elated, we will smile.
Ready to finish this game and end the mess,
We will go to the next world
By the sea, beneath the yellow and sagging moon.