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Like stray dogs in suburbia we wander.
We once knew a path in our distant dog-year past
one our owners walked us down,
dragging us nowhere fast.
It was catholic school teachers,
conformist preachers
and all the other tame creatures who took us on our way.
We walked on their time,
to the beat of a drum our paws weren't made to pound.
And we were dragged by a noose (otherwise known as a leash)
but their language is not our language
so while I called it what it is
they called it keeping me safe.

What the masters don't know
is that sometimes they leave the wrong door open
and a fence in the yard or a parental guilt trip
feels about as big as a crack in the sidewalk to jump over
when the street looks like a filthy paradise
where things like loud are louder,
fast is faster,
scary, scarier,
and reality, realer.

Now we're never in any rush
because anywhere and everywhere is home
so simply staying in doesn't feel so bad.
Routine is no longer in our vocabulary.
Vocabulary is no longer in our collection of words
and our collection of words is no longer so clean.

We wander because ideas described to us as garbage
taste better than the textbook kibbles-n-bits
and even though it's not served hot
or in a bowl with our names on it
the fact that we found it ourselves
feels better than having our tummies rubbed
or making the grade.

None of this is to say that the old house
will never be home again.
Doggy doors are always open
and winters are always cold.
So once I've had enough of life's streets
teaching me more important things
than rolling over or playing dead,
things like knowing tricks don't always come with treats,
we might just go back inside.

And returning won't be our loss
because we'll be walking back in with unclipped claws for the first time
and with all our baby teeth and naive fears gone,
we just might bite.
 Jan 2014 Vijaya Balan
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My palms itch again and so I need to write. That's what I decided to title this, because I can't title this with your name — no, I won't title this with your name because the thought of it will rust me like an old gate and I cannot bear to hear myself creak for you anymore. I will send your local news a story about how I don't know if I can compare your throat to another mountain range or your smile to any other natural phenomenon or your fingers to another city; you are making me sick to my stomach and sometimes I want to be nauseous; you need to know that a part of me has wanted you to see every eraser smudge I've ever made that would proclaim the truth as though my pencil were an evangelizer of a god that found no hell fitting enough for a mind so wretched as my own and sent you here to sweep me off my feet, and then underneath your rug. How many times will I hit 'backspace' beofre the words in my mind finally delete —when will these thoughts gripping my throat turn into your cold hands, when will my sleepless nights become in spite of you instead of because of you?
The loudest clock ticking is your identity and I am to spend eternity in an empty room, fumbling for you like a light switch that doesn't exist and like a hospital light, I will always hear you flicker.
My palms, they still itch.

— The End —