the air being pushed back into my lungs
wasn't a second chance
because I never had a first.
I was doomed from the start
- love with conditions.
safety with escape routes.

but this is a new beginning.
the epilogue was the prologue.
disaster is no longer my destiny.

a glimpse into the past is how I found
the people who are still rooting for me:
a small child with a rope around her neck.
a teenager with an apology written out.
a 19 year old with too much poison in her stomach.
they are counting on me to show them
living was the better of the two options.
they are counting on me to be the one adult
who doesn't let them down.

I have found a reason to live,
and it's to find something worth living for.

I'm jealous of the sun,
for it gets to kiss your face every morning.
it gets to caress your cheeks,
and watch as your eyes flutter open,
a sight I long to see.

and I'm jealous of the moon,
for every night it gets to lull you to sleep.
as it cradles you in its soft light,
I wonder how it would be
if it were my arms around you instead.

and I'm not sure if this is potential.
you planted my hopes in love and let them grow.
this is a garden I was hesitant to tend to,
afraid it would wither once it had my attention.
but now the flowers are in bloom -
reaching for the sky,
the way I reach for you.