Knife in my soul

Ink your letters into my skin. Sweet bliss oh pain I can’t live without you. A shadow on the wall, I silently watch and listen. I can feel you breathing next to me. Slowly ever so slowly I open up to you. Crush me under the weight of my existence. Just a crush.

Crushed to pieces, breaking apart at the seams. Screaming at the walls that cage me inside my own mind. My mind is my own domain, stop playing with my thoughts, please can’t you see how much it hurts?  Answer me this sweet question, oh please don’t bury me in your piles hatred of darkened guilt. I’ve got to find my own meaning.

This meaningless life I live drives me insane. Sometimes I just want to scream. Oh voices screaming inside my head ever so louder each day. Whisper oh sweet whisper let my heart go. How do I find the way when you’re the reason I’m no longer alive? This blackness has eaten away at my soul for far too long. It’s time the gloves came off.

Sweet words are just idle tricks. I trusted you, I needed you. Save me once more, this time I’m begging please. Ripped my heart out before my eyes, my blood ran cold. Colder than Ice, slayer of my sanity bearer of my unholy burden. Why? Why can’t I be normal?

Sanity is overrated overbearing me with thoughts of dark places. My own mind is a terrible haunting place, in the depths lurk the anguish and pain of every terrifying memory.

You haunt my memories, the voice without a name. Always pushing always comparing. Striving to be normal for a bit yet you insult and hate my existence. I can’t sleep anymore, the nightmares are a reality and I don’t even know whether I’m alive or dead. Can’t you just understand I strive to be whole again, anxiety riddled and crippled.

Have you ever just thought for a moment that things aren't really okay. That things are bearing down on you that can't even hope to understand anymore. I just want the voices to stop. I still hear the echoes of the screams and now I'm not sure if they're real or not... I can't face the truth with this knife in my soul.


Written by Justin Thomas Baker on October 2nd 2010 at 3:04AM

They tell us to be individuals,
But give us a uniform,
To protect us from each other,
Because were humans and we judge.

The clothes we wear define us,
The way we speak undermines us,
The way we act proves whether were good or bad
But the things we feel stay inside us.

Maybe we should destroy mirrors,
To then destroy our own problems.
The things we hate about ourselves
Become reflected on others
In fits of jealousy.

I guess to be individuals,
We must expect to be judged,
We have to sink into the crowd,
To eliminate that judgement.
But it won't change a thing
Because there will always be something
That people don't like about us.

There's your individuality.

With her beautiful light brown hair
Stunning face
Ice blue eyes
Amazing body

The girl everyone wants to be
She who still doesn't believe in herself
Even though she is

Amazing
Creative
Smart
Funny
Positive
Weird
Sweet
Gorgeous

She still doubts herself
Isn't that weird?
The most beautiful ******* earth
Doesn't understand that she makes angels jealous
Isn't that sad?

I just want to curl up
and give up.
Practice my lines
and snort a few lines.

Let me fall into bliss
not drown in a vat of chocolate bliss.
I want to be in the fetal position
not this life and death limbo position.

Give me a reason to
and I will give you an excuse.
I will tell you the truth for a reason
and you will give me an excuse to.

Change the conversation to focus on you
and I will steal it back to me.
I want to help you,
but I will steal it back to me.

Don't want to be here,
you don't have to hear.
I promise not to share many more
if only I couldn't breathe any more.

Hippie song circles,
Twist and turn your fate
Show me what's beyond the eye
Taste the absinth and watch the illusions.
Mold me to this earth
And soak me in,
I want to be whole,
I want to be whole again.
Close your eyes and we'll place daisies
In your unbrushed, long blonde hair
LSD, LSD, oh, sweet drugs
Drink my soul and breathe me out as smoke
Dellusions, illusions
Take me back in time
I don't feel right.
Keep me in these guitar kissed
Hippie song circles forever.

No soldiers in the scenery,
No thoughts of people now dead,
As they were fifty years ago,
Young and living in a live air,
Young and walking in the sunshine,
Bending in blue dresses to touch something,
Today the mind is not part of the weather.

Today the air is clear of everything.
It has no knowledge except of nothingness
And it flows over us without meanings,
As if none of us had ever been here before
And are not now: in this shallow spectacle,
This invisible activity, this sense.