Our babies are having babies
Cant keep their legs closed
They open their mind to a different life
Open their eyes to a different light
LED lights flash before their eyes
Little T.V. screens you cant get away from their hands. Finger tips click, click,  clicking away
The only time i can feel my heartbeat is when there is red, white, and blue flashing behind our ride
I hear my heart beat thump, thump,  thumping in my ears
My Hands are shaking
My voice is trembling as i try to open my mouth to tell you how i truly feel but you look at me with those blue eyes that remind me of the sky with a hint of green like the leaves on the trees we sat under when i told myself im in love with you
I feel a waterfall form in my eyes as you ask "whats the problem, officer?"
Hand on his gun
The only time i feel safe is when your hands are around my neck
Telling myself its okay
Telling myself i'll be okay
Is like lying to your mother
Im only 17 but my eyes are more wide open than your mouth is when you get the wrong phone for your birthday
Some kids dont get birthdays
Their last birthday was their first in heaven
You say you want in the game
But this game aint no game
Good Kids are getting shot over the game
You say you want in the game but all it does is make you look lame, stay in your lane
Snapchatting your 4th blunt "so lit tonight"
Snapchatting your last memory "90mph" music so loud you cant hear your thoughts
Eyes so low you cant see the truth
It lies right underneath your nose
Look up and youll find a better light
With a better life
And maybe a wife
This ice aint all that
This life aint all that

Im a hopeless romantic its more organic than the produce youre buying just to make it through the week to feed your little family. Local Walmarts cant fit your budget. Your goverment isnt hearing your thoughts. Eyes are closed. Mouths are shut. Hiding the truth so our $100 bills can wipe their ****. We're stuck in a rut. Poverty stricken. Moms not in the kitchen. Kids running the streets. Killing our teens. Selling our ****. Filling our minds with negative energy. CNN isnt airing my hood yet. Fox 4 only shows local teens shot dead. Little girls losing their minds, talking to men just to waste some time. Just to catch a crime. Smoking up marijuana trying to run away from their problems. Running away from home to be alone in a world we cant think for ourselves. In a world we cant think to ourselves. In a world we cant walk the streets to get a drink without being shot by the local police. 99 cents only gets you so far. I dont know whats happening; what is this world. I dont know these people; who is this girl. In a world full of aliens i feel the most unknown.

i got all this love in my heart for you but hate on my mind for you. You dont know what i would do for you. Because you is all you think about. You is what you truly care about. **** all the feelings and apologies. Because you never wanted me. You looked at other girls. Like 'oh wow, look at her' but im like 'oh wow, what a world we live in where my own mans cant keep his own eyes on me so i gotta keep my eyes on me, keep my mind on me and  worry about me because nobody else will ever worry about nobody else bc everybody in this small world is conceited. Small minds wondering about. All caught up in these little tv screens. Making useless memories. Still not thinking about you and me. So, **** all the memories. ******* and **** worrying.

Memories cross my mind
Distant memories of you and i
Further and further they go and hide
In the back of my mind they stay inside
Innocent memories burn in my head
I'll probably just stay in my bed
To hide from the memories that haunt me at night
Please leave me alone, have a good day and have a good life

Some
         Things are just not meant to be.
People
          Will hate you for who you are and destroy you, you
Are
      Important in every way, shape and form.
Toxic
       People deserve to go to hell.

Blank face
No emotion
No energy
Nothing
When I heard the news
Nothing.
Suddenly,
Tears
Anger
Sadness
Depression
I threw my hands in my face
Then,
Self harm
Abuse
Drugs
Alcohol
Finally,
Happiness
Relieved
Peace

For the next girl:
When he talks to you, please listen. He doesn't open up often
When he stares  at you, say what. He'll call you beautiful
When he smiles, smile back
When he kisses you, kiss back
When he hugs you, hug him tight. Don't let go
When he says he loves you, love him back
When he wants to see you, don't hesitate
For the next girl who gets to love him, please don't leave him. Love him more than anyone ever has.
Treat him better than he's been treated.

Never had a lot.
Just a lot of love and hate
No where to go but to Mary Jane
Never scared to get caught
Never worried because I got her on my side
I'm pretty worthless, not worth very much
I'm not perfect at the least
Gotta lot of love to give but hate is all I receive.

Just sad kids living in a sad world
Happy kids living in a bad world
Polluting the air i breathe
The meat i eat
The city i live in
Cant even run the streets
People dyin out here on a daily
One of these days it could be my brother, my sister, my mother,my dad or me

I read you as you look at me up and down, left to right.
Seeing my anxiety, trembling hands as I kiss you.
Saying I love you with tears in my eyes wishing we never end.
You have no worries, confident smile
Chin up as you walk.
My shoulders relax then tense up as we stop walking
Now I have to say something
Something dumb, something important.
I smile and say what
You always call me beautiful, even though I will never believe it
Thank you is what I always say. I don't want to argue about that
I just want to be alone.
I give you a light hug. No kiss but you kiss me anyways
My music gets louder, my breathing gets shorter
My hands start trembling more
Anxiety consumes me yet again
No surprise it always does
I wish I never got attached.
I wish we never end.

It's like he was a guy in disguise
Lived a secret life when he was high
The look in his eyes made my life seem okay
His gorgeous smile that he had on his face made me feel safe
I love him so ******  but even better when hes sober.
I hope this night never ends with you by my side
Staring into my eyes
While im staring into your soul

I am not you.
I will never be like you.
I will never act like you.
I will never love you.
I will never want you.
I will never be in your life.
No matter how many times you say you love me.
No matter how many times you say you care.
No matter how many times you say you won't hurt me.
I will not let you hurt me.

I'm afraid to say I'm in love with you but I'm afraid that's the truth.

I run through my thoughts again and again.
As I wait in line to complain yet again.
The waiting room is empty and I sit here again.
You call my name and I walk back into this twist turny hallway into your office. You asked how my week was so far and i get quiet.
This is the loudest moment of silence I've ever encountered.
I can hear my heart beating fast and I can hear me swallow hard.
My thoughts are getting louder and louder, shouting at me to just tell you the truth.
Instead I tell you its been good with a fake smile on my face.
You asked about my mom and I change the subject, again.
I asked you if it was wrong to be hit.
I looked down at the floor, listening to you ask the same question over and over again.
Until I burst into tears and say never mind. It doesn't matter, but it does matter because I could've helped myself from a lot of heartache if I would've just told you.
Now I lay here wishing I could go back so I can just complain, again.

My heart aches like daggers are stabbing into it as I hear the words that cut like knives come out of your mouth 'lets just be friends' you say but you don't know how it effects me.
I blink my eyes not once but two times as I'm trying not to cry over some boy who broke my heart.
You broke my heart. You are the boy that left swords in my heart, not taking the time to take them out and help my wounds heal.
You are the boy that ignored multiple times while I tried to stay in love with you.
You are the boy that made these tears fall like pouring rain on a stormy day as I tried to make you stay

Dear depression,
You've been killing me inside for eight years now
Dear depression,
You've kept me in bed because the thoughts in my head consume me and eat me alive.
Dear depression,
I've faked a smile and skipped a meal for too long.
Dear depression,
Your best friend anxiety always kicks me when I'm down and causes my heart to stop and my hands to tremble when facing my fears.
Dear depression,
You've told me I'm not pretty enough so many times, to the point where I dodge the mirror and hide behind a mask.
Dear depression,
I've tried to numb you with alcohol and drugs but it only makes it worse.
Dear depression,
I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you determining my happiness and I'm tired of you making me stay when I could've went out.

Everything is my fault.
Everything from the tears you shed to your foot pressing down on the acceleration.
I would give anything to let you know I truly love you and I obviously made a mistake.
My hands are shaking and my breathing is unsteady because I'm trying not to breakdown.
My mind is far from where I want it to be.
I caused you to feel this way and I can't help you.
I can't stop you, I can't love you anymore either.

Lunch time is a time I dread.
I would much rather be dead than to eat in front of people.
The anxious feeling I feel is wondering if they're judging me.
Do I chew weird? Do I eat too  little? Or maybe I eat too much.
Lunch time is a time I dread because we have these 'rules' in society about  weight.
I've always been judged by my weight.
The anxious feeling I feel when I walk through the corridor at school is wondering if they're judging me with their mean eyes and evil grins as I walk past.
Does she eat? Should I ask her? Is she okay? Or maybe she's anorexic.
If you ask me, I'm quiet flattered by how much strangers worry about me.
But the time I will always hate is lunch time.
The haunting sound of the bell as I make my way down to the cafeteria wondering if they're judging me.

I hate that I need you like thirsty crops need water.

You.
I love you.
I love your voice, your laughter, and your eyes.
You.
Your presence makes me feel safe.
You.
I crave your lips against mine underneath the soft moonlight.
You.
I want you to hold me as we stare at the sky.
You.
I want to wake up to your tired blue eyes every morning.
You.
I fall in love with your smile everyday.
You.
I want to hold your hand as tight as I possibly can.
You.
I want to fall asleep in your arms as you whisper sweet lullabies in my ear.

I'm scared of ***.
It's not just the word that gives me anxiety, it's the act.
The act of taking your clothes off in front of someone you may or may not know.
The act of someone penetrating you and not knowing what to do, where your hands should be, or how your voice should sound.
The thought of does my ****** look okay, do I have perfectly aligned *******, do I have a model body, should I lose weight, or should I gain weight?
The thought of *** is terrifying to me and I have no idea on how to explain it any other way.