Dearest Ana,
You’re in my head.
Dearest Ana,
And people said
This won’t end well.
Dearest Ana,
You always yell
I’m not good enough.
Dearest Ana,
But it’s too tough
Now it’s hard.
Dearest Ana,
I use shards
Glass metal and others alike.
Dearest Ana,
They cut and stab and slice
It’s your fault,
Dearest Ana,
That I want to halt
Give me courage,
Dearest Ana,
To turn my last page.

Leaning left and right,
Another day spent in bed.
My clothes hang loose yet are too tight.
I can’t unread things that I have read,
Nor can I unsee pictures of them,
Protruding, piercing and sharp,
Thinking of and wishing over again
Is it worth it? A change of heart,
A change of everything,
My body, my mind and my emotions,
Just so my clothes don’t cling,
Some just laugh at the notion,
They can’t see it inside
My head, my complexity,
I want to wither, I want to hide.
They think it’s vain but it’s my extremity.

All I want is to smile at my reflection
I want to be the proof of my declaration
I will try, persevere and strive
But is it worth it when I’m not alive?
I know I won’t stop, I know this is my end,
This is obsession, not vanities latest trend.

All I want… is not to want.

I'm probably not your favourite person,
I’m always upset, angry or down.
But I promise I’ll always love you,
Even when I’m not around.
You’ve done what nearly everyone can’t do,
the simple things that mean the most.
A smile. Meaningful and because of you.
You can find me when I feel lost.

I’m sorry that I can’t be happy,
With myself, my life and everything else.
So you should learn that if you’re alone or down,
You shouldn’t be anyone but yourself.

I love you, you and only you,
I love what you’ve done for me,
And everything you’ll ever do.

I know I won’t be here
After the next few years.
I know I’ll be gone
As I know right from wrong.
This life we live,
None of it I can give,
For whether it be in decades or now,
I will end this somehow.
Nothing is real, neither am I,
It’s in my mind, I try
To make sense of it all.
I can’t, it falls,
My faith, it tumbles,
My sanity, it crumbles.
In the corner I rock and cry,
But you can’t say I didn’t try…

My skin it slices,
With pain comes pleasure.
It’s me, my crisis
It hurts too much to measure.
I know I shouldn’t,
But what’s to stop me?
I need to try but I couldn’t,
Who else am I supposed to be?
I scar on the outside,
I scab and bleed and cry,
But it’s the thing on the inside,
The numbness is there so I can’t try.
To help myself.
To help them.
I’m not myself,
But only for him.

Pick up a crumb
And stare at a slice
I can’t help but think
These can make you feel nice.

I’m forced to succumb
And it stings like ice
I dread to think
That this is my life.

Even just a thought
Of what it could do
It makes me feel guilty
And full of disgust too.

This can end in distraught
And everything it can do
Seemingly is only to be
Thin for everyone
Thin for you.

In fact it’s a habit
Now it’s my daily routine
Now I want to hide it away
Nowhere to be seen.

I want it rid of
I want it gone
Even if it kills me
But if I die
I’ll be done.

I saw her
Across the room,
Shades of grey
To flowers bloom.
The Rose: beautiful
Both in substance and in sight,
Just as so as she looks alight.
Her blonde curls,
They sit aside her heart
Glad to be a part.
I smiled as I saw her,
She did the same, the girl, Laura.

If the truth was enough,
I'd say it.
If holding you wasn't so tough,
I'd do it.
If what happened
Didn't destroy me,
we could try again.
It did, so we cannot be.
Ever.

Possibilities, there shouldn't be,
Restrictions:
Too many, or lack of?
It's impossible to feel this way,
Changed and not for a better day.
Changed, but maybe,
for the better?
Seemingly so,
It was resolved a time ago,
But it goes to show,
I'll never say no.

I used to feel,
Feel like collapsing,
Slipping away, crumbling.
I used to feel,
Feel like there was no hope,
My fate depended on a rope,

A thread.

Now I feel,
I feel complete,
Solved, like a puzzle.
Pieces scattered,
Seemingly back in place.

But like a puzzle,
You can see the cracks.
The pieces holding me together,
Stopping me from falling apart.

You.
I feel you.
I am the puzzle and you are the logic,
You are the glue, you are my thread,

My rope.

Friends, family and strangers of the past,
Those who exist no more
Lie, decaying and crumbling beneath the grass.
Those who walked upon this floor,
Those who felt well,
Those who were afraid
Prance and dance around the great bell,
Replaying the ringing heard through the decades.

The snow falls, glittering white on mossed stone.
The sun shines, rays upon the engravings.
The leaves fall, they roam and then are gone,
They lay next to those that wanted saving.

To see myself as I am now,
And to see myself in a hundred years from now,
It saddens me, it scares me
That I’ll just be another memory,
Then faded and forgotten.

How is it possible,
That man can heal the sick
With a touch of his holy palm?
That he can still feel pain of bricks,
Stones and pebbles, despite his charm?

How can the truth be told
When the concept is hard to believe?
Stories of strangers bearing frankincense, myrrh and gold,
For a child born from a ******: it’s hard to achieve.

It sparks fires, it unknowingly kills.
A story, so harmless to begin.
Now it’s violent, aggressive and brings new kinds of thrills.
A story, now a rulebook to escape from sin.

Man’s greatest influence –
It’s crystal clear to see –
Also intends to be
Man’s greatest enemy.

These new feelings,
They took me by surprise.
These new feelings,
They made me realise,
That if I let my mind wander
I might feel happy for a while longer.
But these new feelings,
They make me realise
My life from others’ eyes.
These new feelings
Taught me not to stare blankly too long,
They taught me not to wander and to stay strong.
But these new feelings,
They are surely temporary
Because things are really far from ordinary.

Walls of mint blue,
Cushions of crimson red,
Pages of make-believe
Are still yet to be read.
Strings, so loose and unnatural,
The song they sing is constantly wrong.
Inside wooden panels, dusty and creaking,
Cotton, thread and lace is hung.
The door, it closes without a sound,
Outside influences aren't there, barely.
It's my place to escape from their world,
My space, my mind, my sanctuary.

You pulled away the skin
And you asked me the questions
That you worried were a sin
I can only look in the other direction.

For another time
You hurt me
Then made me rhyme
So that everyone can see
My thoughts unfold
With every line.

We fell apart
We cried, we died inside
We needed a new start
And put our insecurities aside.

For another time
You hurt me
Then made me rhyme
So that everyone can see
My thoughts unfold
With every line.

In our decision, I tried to find a way
To change your mind
Then perhaps you may
Not want to leave me,
Not want to leave us behind.

For another time
You hurt me
Then made me rhyme
So that everyone can see
My thoughts unfold
With every line.

We can’t keep doing this
Because it becomes predictable
Therefore the next bullet
Will be hard to miss
The next bullet will be hard to miss.

For another time
You hurt me
Then made me rhyme
So that everyone can see
My thoughts unfold
With every line.

I’m lying here waiting
For a text, or a call
Now this is frustrating
It’s like today means nothing at all
When actually today was meant to be
A turning point
A reconciliation of you and me
I should get used to being disappointed.

I’m waiting here
With my telephone waiting near
Waiting for just a call
From someone we want more
Than anything else right now
I’m not calling you, that’s my vow.

Every minute passed
Feels like an hour in the past
Time seems to be going backward
I wish you would call, it’s my reward
For waiting here for so long
I just need to persist and stay strong
Every minute from now
Seems like an hour somehow.

I’m waiting here
With my telephone waiting near
Waiting for just a call
From someone we want more
Than anything else right now
I’m not calling you, that’s my vow.

I just need to see you
I haven’t felt you in so long, too long
It’s why I write this song
Because I miss you so much
I just want to feel you, touch you
I’m waiting here
My telephone kept near
I’m not calling you
That’s just a mock
Oh maybe I’ll call you
At 11 o’clock.

When you’re happy
I’m happy
When you’re high
I’m high
When you’re drunk on life
That’s when I’m
That’s when I’m alive.

When you’re down
I’m down
I always seem to
Perfectly mimic
Your hidden frown
Especially when you’re not around.

You can’t see that I’m a copy cat
Your mood is reflected in me
I really can’t stop feeling that
You think we’re not meant to be
Because you fall in your pit
And you say you’re confused
But that’s the thing
That’s just it
Now you just make me feel used
Used, used, used.

When you feel
Feel like you’re on the edge
Please, for me, make this pledge
That you’ll try harder
Hard enough for me to feel
That we’re not just
Running round a never-ending wheel.

You can’t see that I’m a copy cat
Your mood is reflected in me
I really can’t stop feeling that
You think we’re not meant to be
Because you fall in your pit
And you say you’re confused
But that’s the thing
That’s just it
Now you just make me feel used
Used, used, used.

Your heart, your soul
So fragile, so delicate
Are locked up by this gate
But your heart is mine
My soul is yours
And my mind is still yet to find
I hope it’s linked between your thoughts
Because you don’t show to me
What I think you ought to
And now I worry all the time
That you’re no longer on cloud 9.

You can’t see that I’m a copy cat
Your mood is reflected in me
I really can’t stop feeling that
You think we’re not meant to be
Because you fall in your pit
And you say you’re confused
But that’s the thing
That’s just it
Now you just make me feel used
Used, used, used.

I thought I knew why
You broke my heart that night
I thought I knew why
You made me die inside
I thought I knew how
I could get over you
I thought I knew how
I could at least try to.

I know the truth
Don’t ask me how
Be right back, I need to make my noose
Because all I want to do is die right now
You should have been honest
It’s only been 1 week
And knew it was inevitable, and I detest
The truth because you’ve made me weak.

You got over that quickly, didn’t you?
I thought you’d need a little more time
To become normal again, but that’s not true
I forgave you for choosing not to be mine
But now you’ve moved on, you kept things from me
I take it back, I’ve nothing but contempt for you
Forgive you? No. Don’t like it? Well, boo-hoo
You should have thought of that beforehand, now let me be.

I know the truth
Don’t ask me how
Be right back, I need to make my noose
Because all I want to do is die right now
You should have been honest
It’s only been 1 week
And knew it was inevitable, and I detest
The truth because you’ve made me weak.

I’ve felt a rainbow of emotion
Colours from passion to jealousy
Shades of love and hate
You’re too blind to see
You’re too late
Watch my teary eyes glisten; you’re unforgiven.

I know the truth
Don’t ask me how
Be right back, I need to make my noose
Because all I want to do is die right now
You should have been honest
It’s only been 1 week
And knew it was inevitable, and I detest
The truth because you’ve made me weak.

Watch my teary eyes glisten; you’re unforgiven.

Your blank expression
Says a thousand words
But the sound from your mouth
Is silent, it’s absurd
I wait for words, an explanation
You wait for courage to say
Words that could send me in
The opposite direction.

I’m sitting, frozen, in anticipation
With the fear of what’s approached
I need peace, I need protection
But it’s not those that I need the most
I need your embrace, your reassurance
That everything will be fine
Single sounds tumble out your mouth
As you take my hands
And they mean a hundred lines
Here inside.

The words that follow
Run through my mind
The worst was what
I expected to find
I thought you said
I was one of a kind
As I hold back the tears
I don’t want to show
These words in my mind
Play over, time after time.

As you open up
A tear falls down
What are you saying?
That you don’t want me around?
You reassure me that
That isn’t the case
Then is it something
A lot harder to face?

The words that follow
Run through my mind
The worst was what
I expected to find
I thought you said
I was one of a kind
As I hold back the tears
I don’t want to show
These words in my mind
Play over, time after time.

I love everything about you, S
From the way you talk to the way you dress
From your feet to your head
I cherish everything that you said.

I can’t believe things are over, S
Can’t we resolve this stress, this mess?
I love you like I always have done
I could lie with you and float to the sun
But, S, you don’t feel the same way
So I guess tomorrow is a different day.

Your hair, so smooth and jet black
Oh what I’d do to get you back
Your eyes, a wonderful green-brown
And your voice, a lovely kind of sound.

I can’t believe things are over, S
Can’t we resolve this stress, this mess?
I love you like I always have done
I could lie with you and float to the sun
But, S, you don’t feel the same way
So I guess tomorrow is a different day.

You have your flaws and so do I
But of course I’m always willing to put them aside
I’d never ask you to be someone new
Because then you just wouldn’t be you.

I can’t believe things are over, S
Can’t we resolve this stress, this mess?
I love you like I always have done
I could lie with you and float to the sun
But, S, you don’t feel the same way
So I guess tomorrow is a different day.

S, I’ll never forget you
I’ll never stop loving you
I saw a side to you that no one knew
And maybe one day, you’ll feel the way I do too.

I’m struggling to breathe
Please, please, just rescue me
My lungs feel so tight inside
I’ve lost my sight
I fear I’m blind
Because I just don’t see why
You can’t save me from my
Untimely demise.

Do you really love me?
I gasp through each breath
Are we really just good friends?
Because I really fail to see
Why you can’t accept
We’re together, you and me
But you think that getting rid
Will in turn set me free.

As we’re nearing our end
At least you hope we can still be friends
But through my sighs of greed
It’s not friendship, but love I need
And now I’m dreading what comes next
Because now I take my last breath.

Why can’t you feel what I feel?
I’m begging now, see me kneel
As I watch you watch me now
I feel a kind of pity somehow
Because you always question everything
And when you lose me you’ll have nothing.

As we’re nearing our end
At least you hope we can still be friends
But through my sighs of greed
It’s not friendship, but love I need
And now I’m dreading what comes next
Because now I take my last breath.

And now I take my last breath
So I can start and make a fresh
Beginning in life
For me and for you
I wish you all the best
As I...
Take my last breath.

Why do I assume the worst?
Telling me riddles
I think they’re going to hurt
I think you’re going to hurt me
When just thinking it makes it so
I feel like running, leaving, getting away
I need to find some place to go
Somewhere safe, away from here
Somewhere I have nothing to fear.

I’m sorry I do this to you
I’m sorry I cry
At every little thing
That passes us by
Every serious note
Every meaningful line
I’m sorry I think it’s over
I’m sorry I’m not fine.

Today, today, today
What is today, may be no more
Today, today, today
Could be our last day
Not together anymore
But this is why I desperately need
To stop, just stop thinking
You’re trying to flee
Because all I want
Is a you and me.

I’m sorry I do this to you
I’m sorry I cry
At every little thing
That passes us by
Every serious note
Every meaningful line
I’m sorry I think it’s over
I’m sorry I’m not fine.

It’s just I feel
You’re too good to be true
When you’re with me
And I’m with you
The feelings inside me
My feelings for you
Get bigger and better
After a little something new.

I’m sorry I do this to you
I’m sorry I cry
At every little thing
That passes us by
Every serious note
Every meaningful line
I’m sorry I think it’s over
I’m sorry I’m not fine.

I know it’s over
I know you’re gone
But somehow I’m satisfied
Because this wasn’t wrong
You chose the right choice
And I did too
Becoming apart was the best thing to do.

I’m so glad you know what you want
It’s better than being together and living a lie
Because now all your feelings
Aren’t locked up inside
Your soul like a complex chest
Now you’ve unlocked it
Now you can rest.

You tell me you’re sorry
And honestly, it’s okay
Because I’m always with you
Each and every day
You tell me you’re confused
How you miss me so
And then you say
‘I made a mistake, you know.’

I’m so glad you know what you want
It’s better than being together and living a lie
Because now all your feelings
Aren’t locked up inside
Your soul like a complex chest
Now you’ve unlocked it
Now you can rest.

I tell you I’m sorry
But I don’t know what for
I’m so confused now
You say you want more
Of what you killed
Got rid of just hours before
Are you kidding me?
I thought you wanted to be free.

I’m so glad you know what you want
It’s better than being together and living a lie
Because now all your feelings
Aren’t locked up inside
Your soul like a complex chest
Now you’ve unlocked it
Now you can rest.




I’m so glad
That you’re really thinking
I’m so glad
You know what you’re missing
I’m so glad
You’ve seen both sides
I’m so glad
That again, you’re mine.

You’re mine, I’m yours
No more tiptoeing
On wooden floors
I’m yours, you’re mine
Hopefully for a very long time.

It’s hard to say why
I cry myself to sleep at night
When I’m left wondering why
You and I just aren’t alright
It’s hard to say why
I die a little when you walk away
I think I’m just
I think I’m just afraid.

I’m afraid you’ll forget me
When you’re in your pit
I’m afraid you’ll hurt me
I’m afraid you’ll get tired of it
The concept of us
I’m afraid that I
Won’t be able to trust
You.

I’ve lost count how many times
You’ve made me die, you’ve made me cry
And you just don’t realise
What the meanings are behind my sighs
And you just don’t realise
Why I’ve had to resort to lies
I think I’m just
I think I‘m just afraid.

I’m afraid you’ll forget me
When you’re in your pit
I’m afraid you’ll hurt me
I’m afraid you’ll get tired of it
The concept of us
I’m afraid that I
Won’t be able to trust
You.

I’m forced to hide
Behind this fake smile
To make you think
I’ve not run a mile
I’m forced to believe
That you still love me
When in fact I believe
That you really can’t see
What’s really killing me
Or is it just my mind playing tricks
On me?

I’m afraid you’ll forget me
When you’re in your pit
I’m afraid you’ll hurt me
I’m afraid you’ll get tired of it
The concept of us
I’m afraid that I
Won’t be able to trust
You.

I’m afraid you’ll let me go
Yes, that time will come, I know
But please delay it as long as you can
Because I know I can.

Stabbing pains in my chest
I ache when you’re not around
My world’s a bit empty
When you’re nowhere to be found
My actions merge together
My hours roll into days alone
I think about you constantly
In my head you are sewn
So tightly and so much
I need to see you now
Even if it’s only a tender touch
A soft kiss, a loving stare
To name but a few.

No feeling is permanent
No emotion is forever
So I know soon I’ll be happy again
When we are, when we’re together
I appreciate my feelings of loneliness
Because I know they won’t be forever.

The times I can’t cope
The days when I’m all alone
They show promise, they show hope
I’ll see you soon, that I know
So really, time apart makes me realise
It makes me wonder
It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder
For that, I am glad, for that, I appreciate
I guess now when we’re apart
I know I just have to wait
With your presence only in my heart.

No feeling is permanent
No emotion is forever
So I know soon I’ll be happy again
When we are, when we’re together
I appreciate my feelings of loneliness
Because I know they won’t be forever.

I appreciate that we were once friends
I appreciate that now we’re more
Because it’s worked out great in the end
Your soul, yourself is what I saw
I appreciate, too, that you feel the same
My soul, myself is what you saw again.

No feeling is permanent
No emotion is forever
So I know soon I’ll be happy again
When we are, when we’re together
I appreciate my feelings of loneliness
Because I know they won’t be forever.

I was enraged to find
You’ve moved on with your life
I felt angry and hurt
That you’d found yourself another girl
It’s been not yet a fortnight
I wish I could pick a fight
But then you’d realise
I’ve snuck past enemy lines.

I feel glad we’re moving on
But bad that our times are gone
But forwards is the way to go
Now I just want you to know
I’m quite very sorry
That hypocrisy thy name… is me.

I try not to think about
The good times – it wears me out
I know I shouldn’t feel bad
That I’m over you and the feelings we had
Will soon be forgotten
The memories will fade and be gone.

I feel glad we’re moving on
But bad that our times are gone
But forwards is the way to go
Now I just want you to know
I’m quite very sorry
That hypocrisy thy name… is me.

I thought you were ‘The One’
But now our time has been and gone
I’m smiling and I’m not sure why
Is it because I’m moving on with my life?
Or is it because the things that happened
Were amazing before the end?

I feel glad we’re moving on
But bad that our times are gone
But forwards is the way to go
Now I just want you to know
I’m quite very sorry
That hypocrisy thy name… is me.

I’m sorry that this is it
I’m just a ****** hypocrite
But nobody’s perfect
And neither were we
Now we can just let things be
Even if hypocrisy thy name… is me.

I know we’ve been through our rough patches
And I know we’ve hit our rocky parts
But we’ve sewn up our cuts with stitches
And they’re stitched tight into our hearts.

We’ve got to the part that’s paradise
Which has been my goal all along
To cuddle and to kiss you and all things nice
Which I could do all day long.

You mean so much to me
When I’m with you I can plainly see
Why I’m with you, why I care
Because being without you is too hard to bear
I need your arms I need your embrace
A world without them is a world I can’t face
And a world without me and you
Would be a world without me too.

I never thought we’d be here, me and you
I was oblivious; I was blind to see what was right in front of me
I’m guessing you felt the same, I’m guessing you thought that too
You didn’t think that a relationship would be what you find.

You mean so much to me
When I’m with you I can plainly see
Why I’m with you, why I care
Because being without you is too hard to bear
I need your arms I need your embrace
A world without them is a world I can’t face
And a world without me and you
Would be a world without me too.

Now were better than ever, better than before
I could be with you; I can be around you all day every day
To look into your eyes I would be lost for evermore
And I’d try to communicate – forever, forever with me you’ll stay.

You mean so much to me
When I’m with you I can plainly see
Why I’m with you, why I care
Because being without you is too hard to bear
I need your arms I need your embrace
A world without them is a world I can’t face
And a world without me and you
Would be a world without me too.

The drawings on your walls
Can say a thousand words
Your ups and downs
Your rise, your falls
Sometimes they tell me things
Sometimes they shout
‘What are you doing?
Look out, look out, look out.’

A thousand words is not enough
A thousand screams right in my direction
A thousand reasons under inspection
Can’t change my mind
A thousand voices inside my head
A thousand feelings here and there
A thousand consciences
Too hard to bare
Can’t tell me to find
A reason to leave you behind.

The scrawls on your paper
Read a thousand lines
A place much safer
I need to find
Sometimes they talk to me
Sometimes they scream
‘Remember, remember,
Things aren’t always what they seem.’

A thousand words is not enough
A thousand screams right in my direction
A thousand reasons under inspection
Can’t change my mind
A thousand voices inside my head
A thousand feelings here and there
A thousand consciences
Too hard to bare
Can’t tell me to find
A reason to leave you behind.

A thousand reasons to leave
One reason to stay
A thousand reasons to go
One reason to stay
A thousand reasons to run
One reason to stay
I think you can guess that one.

It seems that only in sadness
Can I truly confess
All my feelings of love, hate and fear
Because all I want is someone to hear
What I think, what I know
And all I want is a place to go
A peaceful sanctuary inside my head
Of words that aren’t always easily said.

A good song should be a diary in rhyme
For when you’ve so much emotion
You have to spill it onto lines
A good song should be told right from the heart
No more, no less
A good song should be written for passion
And not to impress
A good song should be the truth and nothing but…
A good song should be the words and feelings
You get in your gut.

I know when I need to talk in confidence
My pen and paper break my silence
I could write for hours, hours on end
I don’t need hugs or candy to mend
My broken heart, instead I always know
My pen and paper love me so
Then perhaps, maybe one day
Someone will love my songs, or so they say.

A good song should be a diary in rhyme
For when you’ve so much emotion
You have to spill it onto lines
A good song should be told right from the heart
No more, no less
A good song should be written for passion
And not to impress
A good song should be the truth and nothing but…
A good song should be the words and feelings
You get in your gut.

A song is a way to say
The words in my head in a different way
A song is my inside mind
Filled out across every line
I appreciate that they will never leave me
And I hope they will never let me be
Alone when I need a friend
Or a good song that can easily mend.