I'm sorry I just kinda miss you.
It's been a long few months without you with me.
I wish I could have been over it as fast as you were.
I wish I didn't wake up hoping your arms are around me.
I want to be over it.
I want to be over all of it.
Every second we spent together
every time you touched me
I wish I could stop thinking about it.
I know "I love you" didn't mean much when it came out of your mouth.
It tumbled its way towards me, and I brushed it off.
Because I only say it to people, i do ******* love,
but you didnt care you hoped it would make me fall just hard enough so we could ****.
yet i took my time and said it went i meant it
well that was ******* stupid.
i knew from the moment we met youd be something to me
a close friend, someone to vent to on occasion
but never this.
i never thought i would spend countless hours thinking about you.
i never thought it would stop my ability to listen to my music
or even sleep at night.
i never thought anything of you.
and i guess that was my mistake.
well i hope you're happy now.
you got what you wanted
who was i to think that as a 17 year old id ever mean anything more to you.
how stupid was i to think that in your big busy world where you have yourself all figured out that i would mean anything more than a **** buddy.

I really hope you find someone that takes your breath away. I hope you find someone who plays Pokemon and would cosplay with you for anime  Boston. I hope you can find someone to write letters to and talk to at 3am when things are a little too quiet and you just wanna hear someone's voice. I hope she's into competitive battling, and loves to watch terrible movies. I hope she loves to walk around and just explore familiar places in greater depth. I hope you find someone who loves all there things because you deserve it. Because you are wonderful, and funny. Because you know how to put a smile on someone's face and how to make a hug feel like home. Your eyes are the prettiest shade of blue I've ever seen and quite honestly you deserve far beyond what you could ever possibly find. You are so kind, and compassionate that it amazes me how you've managed to not be jaded by all the negative things in the world. You still appreciate the smallest things and live life as if you're experiencing everything as if it was the first time. I just think you're lovley and your smile is the type that changes peoples days and I don't know how you could go through your day without realizing how  captivating you are. I know we didn't work out because that's not what life had planned for us but honestly I think you're one of the greatest "almost" I've ever had.

hia

Sometimes my mind get's filled with so many things that its hard to think straight.
These thoughts have a way of pushing out everything in my life until there isn't much left.
Sometimes it gets hard to see straight, and I feel like my insides are going to cave in.
Sometimes I drink too much too often in hopes numbing the pain will help get me through the day
And sometime things become far too much, way too fast and my head spins and my stomach swirls and my eyes lose focus and suddenly I don't know were I am who I am or what I want to become.
I'm not a people person.
I'm not friendly, or loving and I think far too much into everything to believe a word someone says.
Because of this I'm cold.
Because of this I make things worse for myself
Because of this I lost too much
Because of this I am what I am today.
No I don't love it
But one day I hope I learn to live with it.

Take exit thirty six for the Last Resort Motel
Where the vacancy sign flickers like a beacon
To the wounded and the weary
The blue paint is ancient and peeling
Revealing all the colors that it used to be
Like the building itself
Is trying to turn back time
Its not a Red Roof or a Motel Six
Its the sole survivor of its species
And it clings bitterly to life
Its a place in between places
On the outskirts of a small town
Who draws their lifeblood from the highway
But the blood is starting to thin
The wounds are taking longer to heal
And the bleeding won't stop
It may be your last chance
To stay at the Last Resort Motel

I think the worst type of love is the one where both people are completely in love with each other. The love in which it’s not possible to love the other more, but for whatever reason, you cannot be together. It’s loving someone so passionately and not being able to do anything about it, because it’s just the wrong time. It’s losing a love that you actually had a chance to pursue simply because you aren’t able to. It’s the Almost Lovers that hurt the most. And that's what makes me think of all the things we could have done. All the things I would have loved to do. Like I want to do all the silly, cliché romantic things with you. I want to dance with you with no music playing, only the rhythmic beat of our hearts. I want to kiss you till my mouth feels numb, and kiss you in the rain. I want to sleep in your arms and make love at two in the morning. I want to run around a field with you chasing after me, and not a care in the world. I want to sing in the car with you, loudly and off-key. I want to laugh with you until I can’t breathe. I want to make out on the couch as a bad horror movie is being played on the tv screen. I want to fight, and scream, and have nothing but passion and love running through my veins. I want you to hold me like you’ll never let me go. I guess I just kinda really want us and everything that we may or may not me. More than anything I want the chance to discover what we could be.