You see, I try.
I try to be a good person,
"do unto others..." etc.
But it seems, the world doesn't like me.

I spend every moment
with good intent at heart,
but things come back and
bite me in the ***, eventually...

I've gone the wrong direction,
taken the wrong turn at Albuquerque
a few too many times.
I thought my life would be different, that's all.

So, no matter what I do,
I hate myself, in the end.
I spend my time regretting
all the things I've done.

"**** it all!" I say to myself,
but at the corner of ****** and happiness,
I tend to make the same decision...
and the cycle begins again.

I took a picture of the moon,
with special thoughts of you.
On that special day,
The moon , that is, was blue.

I looked up at the moon today,
and happened to think of you.
It seems this rock had turned
a special type of hue.

The moon was there to remind me
of all the things we said.
It breaks my heart to write this;
I'd rather not cry instead.

Today you said your goodbyes,
as it has to be,
but I hope someday you glance at the moon,
and spare a thought for me.

The moon is there to remind us
of all the things we say,
it's always there a'listening
and it's always there to stay.

I'm a happy person,
generally,
but I do have these days....

I listen to sad songs,
fill my mind with sad thoughts,
and for a second, I understand
the person I was 6 months ago.

I succlude myself from people,
even when I know I shouldn't.
It gives me time to think
and appreciate who I am now.

It's tough having these days,
and no one really gets it.
It's hard for me too,
but I guess I don't count today.

I still love you,
even if I want to cry today,
even if I want to hide today,
but I'm still yours either way.

I don't really know why
I'm writing this...
Perhaps it's so that I
remember these days when
I don't need to have them anymore.

Have you ever heard a song
that takes you places
nothing else can?

A song that brings back memories,
and people,
and a love that seems familiar
but belongs to a person you once were.

Have you ever heard a song
over 5000 times?
I have.

I do it to remember
who we were
when you weren't sick.
When we were happy.

I do it to remember that
at some point
things have to go back.

Things will get better,
and I say it every day,
because we can't forget.

I listen to remember.

Silly, naive, Victoria
spends her time on people
who use her for
her money,
as well as her kindness too.

She keeps her "friends" close
because she remembers
how it felt to
not have any at all.

Her heart slowly shrinks
its size quite disappointing now.
I saw her cry today
and I found no recognition.

She has changed.
Her heart grew.
She hurt today,
what a waste of mascara.

Today, I wore your cardigan.
It smelled like memories
and cuddles.
It smelled like happiness
and love.

I wrapped my arms around myself
and remembered how it felt
the first time that you kissed me.
The most amazing kiss.

You left my apartment 5 minutes
before I slipped it on.
It was chilly you see,
and I needed the warmth you provide.

You smell wonderful,
strangely enough to say...
I don't understand it either.
It must be pheromones or something.

I've loved you for three years now.
I don't want that to change.
Your scent lingers in my brain
attached to some sense of belonging.

I don't know what the point of this was,
but I guess all I can say
is that I love you,
and I want you to stay.

We were good friends once,
you and I .
Remember? All those
good times we had...

I looked you up today,
and I hurt for you.
Part of me wanted to go back
and save the parts you lost.

I can't help you anymore.
You ache and I plead.
Just get better, okay?
I can't stand feeling guilty.

You wished death upon me,
but I saw you wither away instead.
Eat, darling, and remember those
midnight coffee runs.

Take a trip to Starbucks,
I know your order still...
Just order my old usual,
and grace your lips with food.

You've destroyed the girl I
had once known well.
It's okay, just get better,
because I can't stand to see you ill.

When I think of it all
The Winter the Fall
They suddenly have greater meaning

When I think if it all
The Winter the Fall
I abruptly find myself dreaming

When I think of it all
The Winter the Fall
I strangely find myself screaming

"Oh Winter, oh Fall
You're right down the hall
But how can we end up meeting?"

How kind the air I breathe so deep,
on its love I have grown to depend.
It rushes into my lungs and is quickly gone
yet its companionship I manage to keep.

I make bad choices
that occupy my mind momentarily.
Too bad I know I can't
forget the things that haunt my consciousness.

The words they said,
and things they accused me of
haunt my soul,
as if to remind me of something I never became.

He kisses me with kindness,
and pulls me close so gently,
that I feel his touch
like the earth feels the careless caress of the breeze.

I'm sorry that I love him,
and that I'll never come back to you;
but you, mother, must learn
to be happy for someone who has long since lost the interest to serve you.

The words begin to leave me,
and thoughts begin to grow,
but in such a manner that I shall
never wish upon myself or others.

You see, I tell my story in my touch,
that he says is so gentle.
I told him that to touch so gently,
one must know the pain of not being cared for at all.

You see mother, this is my pain
Never once having the thing I wanted most.
I'm not like many children,
I've spent my time alone.
Hoping that I soon will get a mother of my own.