I don’t believe in God
But I pray
Pray
Pray
Until my knuckles are white
And my knees are bruised
That this year will be better than last

We stand on opposite sides of a field
And whisper, “Forgive me”
We extend our arms
Out and to the sides
And bear our hearts
We whisper, “Forgive me”
We pray that it is loud enough
And though we do not know
Why we are supposed to be forgiven
We whisper our soft plea
Let the air carry it to each other's ears
"Forgive me"

I said
I hope everything works out for you
And I do
But it won’t for me
And that’s not pessimism
Or an outstretched arm with a wide open palm
Waiting to be weighed down with sympathy
It’s an understanding of things no one says
Of the things I feel when I disappear
Into the black velvet corners of my thoughts
It’s not pessimism
It’s the certainty that no other soul
Will have enough water to put out the fire in mine
Or worse
Not enough kindling to keep it raging

I don’t like the taste of *****
So I add it to a lot of lemonade
As if I can make the world go down easier
By diluting it with fantasy
And I don’t care
As long as the result is more pleasant

I want to go to New York City with you
And stand hand in hand in Times Square
It sounds like it would be nice
To be blinded by the lights
But I suppose that whispering clumsy words would become tiresome
The hum in the air is not the lazy bliss of summer
It is the impatient growl of taxis
And we would not just be surrounded by lovers melting into each other’s arms
But also by people whose mothers have just died
Diners at midnight always seemed romantic
With my arm stretched across the table so I could entwine my fingers with yours
But it is important to remember that the lights in cheap diners always flicker
And the bags under the waitresses’ eyes will remind us of reality every time we ask for another refill
And yes, I know what drinking alone will do
And still, I’ll stick to what I know

One day you’ll meet a boy
Who will tell you he has the answer
But you will be too caught up in the lines that appear around his eyes
When he smiles
And the spaces between his freckles
To realize that you never asked a question

There’s a hole in my heart
Big enough to store all of your grief
There’s a hole in my heart
Everything in and around my bones will be given to you
There’s a hole in my heart