There once was a lad named Ted Cruz.
(A name he’d decided to use).
   He’d rejected Latino-ness
   In conducting his business.
An identity for which he had no use.

In the end, though, he remembered his roots.
So off to Cancun he did scoot.
   And the warm bienvenido
   Made him sure he’d succeed. Oh…
He’d forgotten his senatorial pursuit!

So he jumped on another jet plane
Leaving behind the pate and champaign.
   But ‘twas another anomaly
   He’d forgotten his family.
A perhaps un-erasable stain!

But his constituents would know that he cared
Even though he’d left his state unprepared.
   His family was another slog.
   Oh! He’d get them a little dog.
And with that his circle was finally squared!

(To the Tune of Humoresque, with apologies to Mssrs Dvorak and Douglas)

We want to make it very plain that residents should please abstain
From gatherings in groups (we’re watching you!!),

We discourage assignations, please commune in isolation,
Whatever you have done before DON’T DO!!

If you need a sweet flirtation, please recall our limitation,
Separation being the thing we hope you do.

If you start exchanging fluid, danger there is undisputed,
Please to keep the group size down to two.

Copywrong Vic Miller. All wrongs preserved.

There once was a mohel from Ann Arbor,
Who received some advice from a barber.
   He said, “please always snip
   With a scissor’s far tip.
With circumcision, there is no safe harbor!”

But the mohel was determined to show
How creative the process could go.
   So he carved his initial
   Where it wasn’t official--
Some above, bit between, some below.

As the boy grew, he decided to maximize
The value of what he’d discovered between his thighs.
   He was told it was smart
   To hold onto his art,
But on letting go he won the prize!

There was a young man from Blackheath sir,
Who carried his tool in a sheath, sir,
    With a practiced quick draw
    He would see, he would saw,
But he always wound up underneath her!

There once was a coed from Chester
Who was born with removeable *******. Her
   Twins got confused
   About which ones to use,
So they studied on an extra semester!

The girl could dance on the keys
While shedding her garments with ease.
   She'd then toss a few jokes
   To the admiring blokes.
They called her the Comic Strip tease!

He lived at the top of Trump Tower,
And reveled at the extent of his power.
   To demonstrate strength
   He extended the length
Of government's funding one hour!