Here lies a woman.* That is all the granite stone reads. These are its only words. The only thing left to illustrate the being that was. What kind of woman? Mother? Lover? Great orator, writer, singer, dancer? Maybe all of these. What potential is there in a woman? Was it fulfilled? Wasted? Nourished and encouraged to grow? Was the wisdom of a woman passed down? Has the future benefited from a woman? Here lies a woman. What a sad inscription. What a hopeful and inspiring inscription. Here lies a woman. That is all there is now. Only a body beneath the earth. Only a woman. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I am a woman.
I am a woman who is lost. in a sea. of bodies.
Muscles and flesh stretch over my mind,
obscuring what I thought I knew,
what I thought I was.
I am only the sum of my parts.
I am not separate from any section of viscera.
I am eyes.
I am lungs.
I am heart.

I like to open my eyes to the crushing darkness.
Hot drops caress my skin.
Never hot enough it seems.
I want my flesh to sear,
My bones to burn.
All other sensations will drown in the steamy abyss.
I am body alone.
I am touch alone.
I am cut off from the world and it is liberating
and heavy.

I love your wallet on my desk,
your shoes on my floor.
Little reminders that you're real,
You actually exist,
You aren't just a dream.
I love your Levi's
that you leave behind when you go.
Each piece like a little love note,
Telling me not to worry.
"I'll be back soon," they say.

Lying in bed without you
My hands are cold
I don't like the way they feel on my skin.
My body lacks the fire that you inspire.
I have become frigid.
Body absent of longing.
Mind apathetic.

My mind is active.
It's not okay.
But I sense moments of expansion.
Mostly, I am comatose.
But sometimes, more frequently, it seems,
I feel a brief intensity.
Like sunshine though tree leaves,
Like closing my eyes and looking directly at the sun.
Fleeting moments of peace.
Fleeting moments of hope that I'm not dead inside.
Maybe the cold is stimulating.
Or maybe it's the solitude.
Or maybe I've hit that low point that brings wicked clarity.

What was that in your eyes?
I must be going blind,
For I could not have seen
What I thought I had.
A memory.
Those hands on my thighs.
It must be over now.
That bud that never blossumed
Is now someone else's flower.

I love the way
the -OH
gets my blood rushing.
And I love the way
your Oh!
gets it rushing too.
Each similarly opening me up:
veins, mind, legs.
Gotta get more, honey.
Gotta get drunk
on you.

Quiero estar en tu casa,
en tu dormitorio,
en tu piso,
en tus brazos.
Sin luz.
Sin luz, a excepción de la luna,
y tu propia luz.
Quiero oír la lluvia en el techo.
Quiero estar contigo en la noche,
todas las noches.

I look up at the silver drops coming straight for me.
I don't have enough sense to come out of the rain.
Entranced by the rhythm from the sky like a heartbeat.
Loving every second of it.
Washing away stress and concerns.
The drops glistening off my skin.
The soft muddy ground beneath my bare feet.
The wet blades between my toes.
The cold drops sending shivers down my spine,
but I don't care.
I have enough sense to not come out of the rain.

I want to feel euphoric
I want to feel drunk
on life,
on an event,
on a moment.
I want to be excited,
manic,
something more than mundane.
I want to be in a speeding car,
music blaring,
high,
on the air rushing through the
open windows.
I want rain to flow
over me
and through me,
to fill my nose
and eyes.
I want to experience
perfect moments.
I want to be naked.
a tree swaying in the breeze
arms above my head
screaming
so stable.
so free.
I want to grow,
flourish,
bear fruit,
I want to live.
I want my eyes wide open.
I want something mind-boggling
mind-altering,
challenging,
I want my mind to
expand
and
explode.

Love me, I say
with my eyes,
and my hands,
reaching.
Body knows best, baby.
Ours react together,
chemically,
spiritually,
cosmically.
Ourselves,
Looking out and into,
Becoming one
and none.
Unfolding the great depths
of the pleasure-stricken mind.

My tranquility
You are a peace of my heart
My lover, always

I want to feel something
More
than baseline.
Some emotion
to make my heart beat
I want to feel it pound
With sorrow
With terror
With excitement
With desire.
I want to scream
To cry
To laugh
And not know the difference.
Not care the difference.
Just feel a difference
from the here and now.
I want to be one with
Those pounding emotions that
Make my
Heart beat
Make my
Lungs rise and fall
Make my
mind burn
With intensity.
I want my passion.

Heart pounding
in my chest.
A heart pounding
against my chest.
Hands moving slowly
up my leg.
respiration increasing,
hearts pounding,
foot tapping,
lip biting,
hearts pounding,
STOP.
Breath in my lungs.
Hands in my hair.
head turning,
hands running.
Lips,
soft and supple.

Sweet Darkness,
You hold me in your loving arms,
cold and comforting.
I take you into myself,
and we become One.
Unhealthy obsession,
I welcome this sickness.
I long for your wretchedness.
I despise you.
Embrace me with your dark kiss;
Tear me apart from the inside out.
I cannot live without the Pain.
Who am I without You?

Flashbacks of love in my head
pushing their way to my surface
puts a smile on my face,
And in my eyes,
where the images are projected.
It's like I'm there.
My body still vibrates with pleasure,
Toes curling,
Blood rushing in familiar ways,
Like electricity,
Throughout my body.
Axons firing, dendrites reaching to receive,
Crossing the synaptic gap between us.
Connecting us,
In action potentials of ecstasy