Write-or-die

Write-or-die Mar 2014

BYE

It's been a while since I felt like this
I never felt like not eating
I never felt like giving up on being happy
I never once let the thought of shutting everyone out
I never once wanted to hurt myself
Because I couldnt hurt the one who hurt me
I never felt like (****) in a long time
right now i feel like this is the end of my hope
there is no exit , but only one way
Don't take kind to my depression I brought it on myself
For my foolish ways
With each step i take it isnt me
I should be locked up
Or even in hell for my sins
All i see is good in others
All i see in myself is a hidden evil
that I try hide
Im not trying to hurt anyone but just do good
Im confused with myself
I want to give up being happy until i understand myself again
I dont want others to think Im br(ok)en because Im okay

This is the only place I can write my feelings this is the only place I feel like someone would understand to others keep writing because we are all good at it in one way :D

Write-or-die Mar 2014

First time

You know I never fell like this before
I never let someone in
Ive never been scared of anything
I never let myself get this deep
Change is in me for the first time
Something has moved inside
Something has made me a monster
IT PUSHES ME IN
what will they say
Should I care
For the first time
I fell inlove I never had something to fight for
Because I always stood alone
I never dependent on others
because I never let them in;
with you all doors are open
My feelings are numb
I making the worst mistake in my life
For the first time I have to trust
I have to let down my walls
with each step I take with you
I will always feel like Im going to be let down
I wish that feeling would go away

Not much to say here but to those who are scared to love because of trust issues I hope you relate.

Write-or-die Mar 2014

Let go

There is a time in your life
When love isnt enough
or you never feel enough
When the love is right but feels so wrong
when feelings get confused
when all doors are shut
and theres nothing but silence
when you can't fight no more
when you put down your weapon
of choice
Right at that moment
"did you find peace with yourself"
you were'nt scared to lose
but to win just to walk away
When the battle is over
only then you question yourself
was it worth the fight?
could it be fixed
are you being stupid if you just give in
are you seeing only your side
do you question to much
Do you lose the battle if you go back
are you the stronger one
just sometimes
you know its time to let go
its not easy being strong
because your scared of what could make you weak.....

this about how letting go in a certain relationship is a good thing and moving on is the hardest step

Write-or-die Feb 2014

Forced love

I was on my own for a long time
I was happy during that time
I was pure and just happy with myself
One day I decided that girl was no fun
One day I woke up and wanted change
I wished with all my heart to be like everyone else
I changed to be like the group I grew to know
I wished harder ….
With each day I started to notice my change
One day I woke up and got what I wanted

I’m no longer on my own
I’m forced loved
I was forced to love
I’m no longer on my own
I’m no longer happy
I’m no longer pure
I’d be careful what you wish for
One day you will wish you stayed that happy person
You slowly feel stolen from reality
Become trapped
Wings clipped
So you can’t fly away
You wish someone would save you from yourself
You lose hope that no one else is there for you
Because that’s how he will make you feel
Treat you right, brainwash you
You became a secret of his life and your own
You become hidden
You keep more secrets each day
You become a lie
Each day you wish you would leave, but as soon as you get to the door
You know there’s no exit
The child you knew is now a grown girl by choice
Your whole world is messed up
You feel ashamed everyday
Forced love
Wanting freedom from everything
Just for it to happen again
One day you’ll regain strength and walk out the door
One day you’ll wake up happy
One day you’ll be free
One day you’ll know what it feels to be free
One day you’ll know how to trust to love again
One day that door will open up again
And the walls you put up will come down
Each day will be a step closer to your old you or a new you
That one day has to start today
With each new day is a chance to set you free from your own cage
Set yourself free, love yourself and know what’s right and what’s wrong
Being on your own is scary but you’ll never feel so strong more happy
That girl that was pushed deep into the dark
Will only see a brighter day for another way

I did this in grade 10 and kept because it explains a lot about me

Write-or-die Feb 2014

Dear mother

Dear mother when I was younger I wanted you to be there
Dear mother Im sorry for the stuff you went through
Dear mother I understand now more then ever
Dear mother thank you for trying
Dear mother that you never had the chance at a better life
Dear mother Im sorry I didnt understand or that no one understood...
Dear mother I wish I could feel your pain
Dear mother I wish you could hear me say these things
Dear mother thank you for watching over me
Dear mother I hope god is taking care of you
Dear mother I wish you were here ....
R.I.P

I lost my mother, in 2005 I was 9 years old at the time she had a addiction that won she lost this battle. Please be respectful about this *thank you for taking the time to read this.

Write-or-die Feb 2014

Victim

coolness of august
spring fever never came
warm bodies turn to cold
as winter hits our skin

coldness of him
you make me sick just like a fever that cant be cured
warm bodies, rush in
you come to take my innocence
as you hit me
I become a victim
who is now trapped

A bird with clipped wings
You take everything I love
leave me with nothing

My family blames me
when it was your fault

I am the bad guy
Im the monster no one likes

Truth is Im the victim
to a horrible scene
that no cop seen
I scream inside
hide outside
I need help
but you silence me
I am broken

Sssshhh...
it never happened

this is something im going through (*please comment*) if you had the same thing happen to you or like it -thank you :)

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